Love's First Kiss
by MissSnowFox
Summary: Takes place during season 2, episode 10, 'SWEET DREAMS'. What would have happened if Gwen was not the person to break Arthur's enchantment with her kiss. Who else could it possibly be? Rated M for the last chapter
1. Merlin: Still Enchanted

**BOOK 1: MERLIN**

Chapter 1: Still Enchanted

Merlin peaked his head round the material of the tent that Arthur was preparing in. Hopefully Gwen would arrive to break the enchantment before it was too late. Finally, he saw the material being pushed back, and Gwen rushed into the tent, obviously out of breath. Arthur glanced up at her, indifferently. "Oh," he said, finally acknowledging her presents "Finally come to wish me good luck?" he asked "But I really don't think I need it anymore."

_Shut up Arthur, you arrogant prat, otherwise she'll never kiss you. _Merlin thought, as he witnessed his friend's actions. Gwen sighed and answered, "No Arthur- I have not come to wish you luck. Arthur looked at her, perplexed.

"Well honestly, that's rather rude," he said. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Then let me make amends," said Gwen as she walked towards the Prince and threw her lips onto his. He looked astonished at first, however, after a few moments, he closed his eyes and dipped Gwen, depending the kiss. Merlin sighed in relief. At least Arthur's life was no longer in danger. Although inside, he felt something in the pit of his stomach as he watched the two of them kissing. It felt very familiar- anger. He backed away from the tent and let the fabric fall in front of Arthur and Gwen, hoping for the best.

Merlin watched nervously from the sidelines as Arthur once again stepped out to fight. He looked on top of the world and ready to conquer anything. Merlin noticed him glance subtlety towards the benches and wink, however, Merlin missed who the wink was for. The fight began, and Arthur quickly took a swing for Olaf, making him jump out of the way of his sword. Olaf then attempted to swing for Arthur, but he blocked his attack with his shield. Pretty soon, Arthur had Olaf cornered, however, something was distracting him. He looked over to the benches again and smiled, his eyes obviously in awe at the object he was starring at. Merlin followed Arthur's line of vision and gasped at the person he was looking at- it was Lady Vivian.

"Oh no," he whispered to himself. He had to stop the fight. But how? He had to use his magic somehow. Releasing a long frustrated sigh, he pushed past the people sitting in his row and ran to an inconspicuous part of the arena (is that what it's called?). He noticed Arthur was on his back after being tripped over by Olaf- he had to act fast.

_Afeallan aderian _he whispered. He watched Olaf fall flat on his back as he attempted to swing his sword at Arthur. The spell had worked a lot better than Merlin anticipated, as Olaf seemed to be rendered unconscious by his 'sudden fall'. The crowds cheered as Arthur stood up. That was the first problem sorted. Now he had to try and find a way of postponing the fight till the morning so he could try and find a way of breaking Arthur's enchantment. He looked over at the King- he would never agree to such a thing willingly. After all, according to the rules, the fight was to the death. This was the part where Merlin was jumping for joy at the fact that he was a sorcerer. He had always been taught by Guias not to use magic for mind manipulation reasons; however, every situation calls for an exception. Merlin closed his eyes tightly and muttered under his breath, _geefnan ic becweþan_.

He tried to order the King to stop the trial in his mind, concentrating as hard as he could. He heard the King stand up and announce,

"This tournament will be postponed till dawn, due to King Olaf's sudden condition. We will have him assessed by our Court Physician and will recommence tomorrow."

Merlin sighed in happiness, despite the gasps and moans from the audience. As he turned around, Merlin felt a strong hand make contact with his face, sharply. When his eyes adjusted to the shock, he noticed Gwen standing in front of him, her eyes red and puffy, but more importantly, full of rage and sadness. He looked at her with pity.

"Gwen, I..." he tried to explain, but she had already started to run from him. He sighed deeply, feeling the horrible responsibility of breaking Gwen's heart. He assumed that Arthur had rejected her after Merlin had made his exit. That would explain why he still seemed to be in love with Vivian. He would mend Arthur and Gwen's relationship. But first, he had a very important visit to make- to the dragon.

**Well, this is my first attempt at this, I was just waiting for the right sort of storyline, and this just seemed perfect when I watched the episode. Please be nice, seeing as it's my first one, but constructive comments are more than welcome. **

**If you do review (please do) please tell be how graphic I should make this story later on. I'll make it as grafic as you guys want it (even though I'll be really bad at it!)**


	2. Merlin: Another Visit

Chapter 2: Another Visit

Merlin practically ran down to the dungeons, carrying the torch in his hand. He and the dragon were going to have serious words-he had obviously told him the wrong remedy for Arthur's enchantment.

Upon hearing his loud arrival, the dragon swooped down from the top of the cave and sat in front of Merlin. "You're unexpected visit has surprised me, young warlock," he said, solemnly as ever.

"You were wrong!" Merlin shouted at him.

"Interesting," the dragon answered.

"Arthur is still as in love with Vivian as ever. You promised me it would work!"

"Perhaps you have simply not seen to it that the enchantment was broken correctly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked "I _saw _him and Gwen kissing with my own eyes. That should mean the spell is broken. But it's not. That must mean you gave me the wrong cure."

"Young warlock, have I ever been wrong?" the dragon asked, making Merlin roll his eyes in frustration. He could just never get to the point, could he? "Do you remember what I told you was the only way to break the spell?"

"Of course I remember, I'm not that much of an idiot!"

"If the young Pendragon is still infatuated with the Lady Vivian, then there can only be one possible cause for it."

"What?" Merlin demanded, becoming more annoyed by the second.

"He has not yet received a kiss from the person he loves most." Merlin rolled his eyes again.

"Haven't you been listening?" he asked "I told you, Arthur has kissed Gwen!"

"If the young Pendragon is still in love with the Lady Vivian, that means that he has not yet received a kiss from the person he loves most," the dragon merely repeated himself.

"But he has! He's kissed Gwen! He loves Gwen the most. God knows he hasn't made a secret of his feelings for her, at least not to me. I know how much he loves her."

"_Does _he love her?" the dragon asked, receiving a perplexed expression from Merlin.

"Of course he does! He says so all the time..."

"_Does _he?" the dragon interrupted "Has he ever actually _said _that he loves her?"

"Well, I..." Merlin trailed off. His first instinct was to say yes, of course Arthur had. But the more he thought about all the times Arthur had spoken about Gwen, 'love' had never been a word he had used. Even when Merlin had caused Arthur to admit how he felt about Gwen that day they had set out to rescue her after she had been kidnapped, he had never actually said he loved her.

"No," Merlin finally admitted, in spite of himself. The dragon nodded his head in silent agreement. "Don't you see Merlin that the servant girl was merely a distraction for him to avert his feelings for another- a person who was even more forbidden to him than the servant girl?" Merlin was speechless. Surely _he, _Arthur's closest servant, and best friend would know first of all if there was anyone Arthur loved. There wasn't a feeling or thought Arthur had that didn't go past Merlin first.

"Who is it then?" he asked. The dragon chuckled softly "Please tell me, I've only till the morning to find this person."

"You do not need me to tell you young Warlock," the dragon told him "You already know." Merlin was getting more nervous by the second. Who was it that Arthur loved. "Somebody who is always near him. Somebody who serves him more loyally than any other. Somebody who's love is more forbidden to Arthur, and vice versa, than anything else."

Merlin racked his thoughts for what seemed to be hours. Couldn't the dragon just tell him and not let him swim in the massive metaphors and riddles he insisted on creating. He supposed that he was only doing it to cure the boredom of being locked beneath the dungeons all day. He wouldn't be surprised if he sat alone all day, thinking up the most annoying riddles, _just _to frustrate Merlin. As if his life needed any more complication.

_Serves him loyally_ Merlin thought. Then it dawned on him! There was only one person who served Arthur so loyally. Who put up with all his crap and was always with him and near him. Merlin looked up at the dragon, almost afraid to say what was floating in his mind. "Me," he simply said, his voice becoming shaky. The dragon nodded slowly.

"Indeed," he agreed. Merlin laughed and shook his head in denial.

"You're wrong," he said.

"Young warlock..."

"... Arthur is not in love with me!" Merlin interrupted, shouting more loudly than ever. He needed to push the reality of the situation as far from him as possible. "He is the Prince of Camelot, I'm just a servant. He can't be in love with me!"

"Surely you are not so foolish Merlin, as to believe that Arthur looks upon you as a mere servant?" the dragon asked "Surely you do not think that he would allow any of his other servants speak to him the way you do? And challenge him the way you do?"

"But he _can't _love me!"

"You have not noticed how much he does for you Merlin?"

"Like what?" he asked "If you're talking about the time he came to rescue Ealdor, that wasn't just for me- he did it for the whole village."

"I was going to refer to the incident that happened long ago," the dragon corrected him "Surely you have forgotten when you were poisoned by the sorceress Nimueh?" Merlin said nothing. He knew he was right "Arthur not only rode out singlehandedly to obtain the antidote, but he defied his own Father, and nearly died in the process, just to save your life."

"He is an honourable man," Merlin disputed "He wouldn't see any innocent man die."

"And the time when he drank what he believed to be poison, so that you wouldn't?"

"He was trying to protect Camelot," Merlin protested.

"What makes the whole situation so interesting is... you share the same hidden feelings for the Prince."

"No! No, you're wrong. How can I be in love with Arthur?!" Who the hell was he trying to convince. He wasn't sure he even knew anymore. The dragon merely shook his head.

"You can stand there and deny it all you like Merlin," he told him "But you will only be denying it to yourself- nothing is going to change. Arthur's life is still in your hands." Merlin felt like bursting out and crying. He had never felt so lost in his life. "Don't forget- one kiss from the person Arthur truly loves, and the enchantment will be broken." With that, the dragon extended his immense wings and flew up and away from Merlin. Left standing alone at the bottom of the cave, Merlin realised just how alone he was right now. His mind felt just as alone.

So that was two problems out the way. Now he faced the third- breaking Arthur's enchantment.

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**What will Merlin do? Will he admit his feelings for Arthur to himself? Find out next time! **

**Please R&R!!!!!!**


	3. Merlin: The Most Annoying Situation Ever

Chapter 3: The Most Annoying Situation Ever

Merlin paced around in Arthur's chambers, waiting for him to return from the tournament. No doubt he would want to bathe after his physical excursions. Oh God, how was he supposed to bathe Arthur after what he had just heard from the dragon? He felt his face warming up and his cheeks redden at the very thought of Arthur actually _loving _him. But where did this leave Gwen? If Merlin (hypothetically) admitted his feelings for Arthur, she would be even more heartbroken then she had appeared at the tournament. She would no doubt be sitting in Morgana's chambers crying her eyes out. It's not like it was Merlin's fault though- after all, the dragon had told him to find the person Arthur loves most. He assumed it must be Gwen.

How wrong he was. If she was this upset about Arthur simply rejecting her, how would she react if she found that Arthur was in love with the person who encouraged her to kiss him? He shuddered at the retort he would receive. He contemplated the idea of checking up on Gwen to see if she was alright, however, before his intentions could be put into practice, Arthur walked into the room, the clanging of his armour making Merlin jump out of his skin.

"What on earth is wrong with you Merlin, you look like you've seen a ghost!" said the Prince as he sat down with an exhausted sigh. Merlin may have looked pale as a ghost; however, he certainly didn't feel it. He had never felt so hot in all his life.

"I'm fine sire," he said nervously "Did you want to bathe?" he asked. The Prince nodded and held his arms out for Merlin to being undressing him. He walked nervously up to the Prince. If he didn't love him, then why was it all of a sudden to difficult for him to be around Arthur when he was undressing? Once he was naked up to his waist, Arthur went behind the screen, allowing Merlin to fetch his bath of water.

Once he came back, he muttered a quick heating spell to warm the water up, making sure not to heat it too much- he certainly didn't want to have a jug of cold water thrown at him again!

As Arthur walked up to the bath tub, Merlin could sense the hesitation in his face when he dipped a single toe into the water, and finally relaxing when he felt the warm water. "You're never going to trust me with your water ever again, are you?" Merlin asked Arthur. He got into the tub and removed the towel he was wearing around his hips.

"Can you blame me?" he asked, laughing "I still have a scar on my foot from the last time I bathed!"

Merlin shrugged and began folding Arthur's clothes that he had thrown over the screen. "How are you feeling about tomorrow sire?" he asked, trying to think of something other than the kiss.

"I feel on top of the world Merlin! Can you blame me? What with such a fresh beautiful damsel to fight for!" Merlin felt a familiar feeling return to his stomach. The very same once he had felt when he was watching Gwen and Arthur kissing. It hadn't been anger- this was jealousy. What! How could he possibly jealous of Gwen or Lady Vivian?

Thinking about the two of them brought his mind back to the situation of the enchantment.

"You'll never guess what happened to me today Merlin," said Arthur.

"I'm sure I can't sire."

"This afternoon- before the tournament, that servant girl, Gwen came into my tent and kissed me!" The tone in his voice was full of genuine astonishment.

"Perhaps she was concerned about losing her Prince sire," suggested Merlin.

"Yes, I think you're right Merlin," said Arthur "For once," he muttered afterwards. Merlin huffed and smiled, too confused to provide a witty response to Arthur's banter.

"If you don't need me for anything sire, could I please retire?" he asked. Arthur simply nodded, freeing Merlin to leave the room and retreat to his own chambers. He sighed as he walked into Gaius's chambers. He was sitting at the table, eating what seemed to be porridge. "Where have you been Merlin?" he asked casually "I haven't seen you since the tournament, you missed supper." Merlin shrugged indifferently.

"Sorry Gaius, Arthur needed bathing."

"You look glum Merlin, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired. It's been a long day. I'll be glad when the tournament finishes."

"Yes, I was going to talk to you about that Merlin." As Merlin sat down, Gaius gave him that look and raised his eyebrow. Merlin knew what was coming, but attempted to keep a straight and innocent face. "Olaf was brought to me after Uther 'called off' the fight between him and Arthur, because Olaf has mysteriously tripped up and knocked himself unconscious." Merlin looked surprised.

"I wasn't there at the time; I was mending Arthur's armour. I had no idea the fight was postponed." Gaius gave him another look "What is it?" Merlin tired his best not to look like he had anything to do with it.

"I didn't say it was postponed, I said it was cancelled." _Crap _though Merlin, sighing. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me Merlin?" Merlin gave a deep breath.

"Look, all I did was give myself a little more time so I could find a cure for the enchantment." He tried to defend himself.

"Merlin, what did you do?" He hesitated, before answering,

"I performed a simple mind controlling spell on Uther so he would do whatever I wanted... and I wanted to stop the fight. Arthur was about to be killed." Gaius exhale noisily in frustration.

"Are you ever going to learn Merlin?" he asked. Merlin ducked his head in shame.

"I was only trying to help," he said in a low, solemn voice "But it seems nothing I do is good enough." Gaius took pity on the boy and put a comforting arm on his shoulder.

"It's not that I don't believe your motives Merlin... it's just that... I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you. If Uther ever found out what you did..." he trailed off.

"I'm sorry," said Merlin.

"Well, let's hope that you can find a way to break the spell by morning." Merlin nodded and hugged Gaius.

"Goodnight Gaius," he said before disappearing into his room.

He had no intention of going to sleep. Merlin took one look at the gigantic pile of spell books piled by his bed and groaned. Memories of his last sleepless night when he had been searching through Gaius's archives to find a spell that would break the love enchantment.

Merlin's blind optimism that he had missed something the other night drove him to sit down and begin his quest yet again. He knew that this was a wild goose chase. But even if he didn't find a spell, the books might send him to sleep, as in his present state; Merlin was most definitely not going to sleep. His thoughts were clouded with Arthur. All the things that the dragon had mentioned were imbedded in his mind unwillingly. He thought of Ealdor and when he had been poisoned. He thought of when Arthur had drunk the sleeping draft, thinking it was poison, when Camelot had been cursed by Arthur's unicorn murder.

Even minor events now entered Merlin's mind. All the times Merlin had been reckless and stupid and Arthur had stood up for him. Before he knew it, all these thoughts of Arthur had sent Merlin into a deep sleep, and soon...

and strange dream began to form in his sleep.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**I'm really spoiling you guys! I didn't intend on uploading this chapter till tomorrow or Sunday to see how many reviews I get, but I'm feeling soft. **

**The next chapter is definitely waiting till Sunday though, because I need time to write it properly- dreams are hard to get right!**

**Please R&R as usual. HUGE kisses to all those who already have reviewed and subscribed. I was jumping for joy this morning when I saw how many of you have added me!**

**Hugs and kisses! See you on Sunday!**


	4. Merlin: The Dream

Chapter 4: The Dream

Merlin was tossing and turning restlessly in his bed. The dream was driving him insane.

_Arthur bent down into the river, washing his face roughly. "So the berries worked then," he commented. Merlin looked at him, astonished._

"_You didn't know if they worked?" he asked, shocked. Arthur shook his head._

"_Not for sure," he said, seemingly unfazed by the fact he could have killed them both._

"_Arthur, you could have killed us both!" he reminded him. Arthur chuckled a little. _

"_Sorry, I shouldn't have risked your life like that... but you know I would have never let any harm come to you, don't you?" Merlin looked up at him suspiciously. _

"_Why wouldn't you?" he asked. Arthur seemed to become increasingly nervous as he approached Merlin._

"_Merlin, look," he started "I..." before he had a chance to say anything, a strange expression appeared on his face, and his whole body appeared to go limp. _

_Before Merlin knew what was going on, Arthur fell to the ground, his body heavy with the armour he was wearing. Merlin screamed as he fell to his knees, gathering Arthur up in his arms._

"_Arthur!" he called. The Prince's body was limp and cold. There was no hint of life in his eyes. His face was expressionless. What on earth had happened? What had attacked him? _

_While Merlin cried into the Prince's shoulder, he noticed the silhouette of a woman coming towards the two of them through a clearing in the trees. The harsh beams of light shone from behind her as she approached Merlin._

_It was then that he recognised her. He could never mistake that pale face and dark hair- that hint of evil in her eye. "Nimueh," he breathed in anger. She smiled knowingly at him, saying nothing. _

_She extended her right arm, revealing a golden chalice. Merlin shook his head violently._

"_Not again," he begged "You'll trick me again." Nimueh smiled her evil smile._

"_Your Prince is dead," she reminded him. Merlin let a single tear escape his eyes, which fell onto Arthur's hand. He reached out his hand and took the goblet from Nimueh. She smiled._

"_You must really love him to be willing to die for him so many times," she said. Merlin looked up at her, amazed._

"_What did you say?" he asked, but she didn't answer. Instead, she uttered the word _cwincan _and vanished into thin air, leaving Merlin and Arthur alone once more. _

_Perhaps his feelings for Arthur were more than just platonic. Perhaps Nimueh was right? _

_Without thinking, Merlin bent down again and tipped the contents of the goblet into Arthur's mouth, making sure he swallowed everything. _

_He woke up with a scream in his bead, face dripping with sweat. It had just been a dream, he thought. Thank God. _

_He looked to window, and noticed the sun was nearly risen. Arthur would be wanting his breakfast soon. Maybe he would praise him for being on time this once._

_After he had sluggishly gotten out of bed and eating his breakfast, he made his way down to Arthur's chambers. He was stopped by Morgana, who tapped him on the shoulder and invited him into her Chambers. _

"_What is it my Lady?" he asked, perplexed at her sudden erg to talk to him._

"_I need to tell you something Merlin- about Arthur." He was even more confused than ever now. _

"_What?" he asked. _

"_He proposed to Gwen last night," she said. Merlin felt every inch of his body tense up with anger and jealousy. He actually _proposed _to Gwen? How dare he? How could he do this to him? He tried his best to put on an indifferent face._

"_Why does that have anything to do with me?" he asked. Morgana smiled coyly, obviously not buying his act._

"_I knew it," she said, proudly "I knew you were in love with him. Just look at the jealousy in your face!" she laughed._

"_Why is that so funny!"_

"_Because silly! He's in love with you too!" _

"_Not you as well Morgana!" he moaned. First the dragon, then Nimueh in his dream and now this. "Anyway, you just said he was marrying Gwen."_

"_I only said that to get the truth from you," she admitted. Her look became mischievous and sly. He wasn't sure he liked it. "I had a dream about you two, you know?" _Oh dear _thought Merlin. "Do you want to know what it was about?" she asked, loving the nervous effect she was having on him. _

"_No thank you my Lady," he said, trying to escape the room. His face was becoming increasingly hot. _

"_I think you would like to know Merlin. I can see the future in my dreams, don't forget. I can tell what's in store for you and Arthur."Merlin shook his head violently. "What would you say if I told you that I saw you and Arthur entering his chambers and not coming back out for the whole night?"Merlin could swear that he had stopped breathing "What would you say if I saw exactly what you were doing in there the whole night?"_

_My Lady, Arthur will be wanting his breakfast, I must go!" he insisted, feeling like he would pass out. She smiled as she left, calling to him,_

"_Off you go Merlin! Serve your master, serve him well!"_

Merlin finally woke from his dream, with a loud gasp. What the hell had just happened? His head was spinning from the thoughts inside.

It wasn't till he looked down that he realised he had fallen asleep in his clothes last night, the spell book still in his lap. His whole body ached from sleeping so awkwardly the whole night.

Then he remembered. The tournament! He jumped out of bed, shoving the pile of books out of the way. He didn't even bother to change his clothes or eat breakfast.

There was only one agenda on his mind this morning and that was Arthur. His thoughts wondered to the previous day and what the dragon had told him.

_You can stand there and deny it all you like Merlin. You will only be denying it to yourself. Nothing is going to change. _

For once in his life, Merlin had to agree with the bloody dragon! Who was he trying to fool? He was head over heels in love with Arthur Pendragon. But did he reciprocate his feelings like everyone was telling him?

There was only one way to find out, and he intended to find out as soon as possible. He stormed into Arthur's chambers to find Arthur already dressed and starring out of the window. He did that a lot recently. _Well Merlin _he told himself _it's now or never. _

**I know you guys hate my cliff hangers, but at least they keep you reading :) (and reviewing, hopefully)**

**But PLEASE stay tuned, because this story will be taking a turn that you may not expect in the next couple of chapters... ;)**


	5. Merlin: The Saddest Kiss

Chapter 5: The Kiss

Arthur turned around to face Merlin. God, how could he not have noticed how beautiful he was up until now? His perfect lips turned upwards into his golden smile as he greeted his servant. "Good morning Merlin!" he said happily "The perfect morning for fighting for my lady."

Merlin simply nodded in agreement as he felt his palms start to sweat. He had to kiss the Prince. There were no two ways about it. The worst part was that he _wanted _to kiss the Prince. But then it dawned on him.

Whatever secret love he and Arthur shared for each other could never be. Their love could never be put into practice or shown to the world. It would ruin Arthur and destroy the kingdom. The kingdom needed an heir, and Merlin could never give Arthur that. He also knew that the King would have both their heads if he ever found out about their love.

Merlin nearly laughed out loud at how selfish he had been in thinking he could just kiss Arthur and be happy with him. Nothing was ever that simple, and nothing could ever end that happily. Merlin's eyes began to well up with tears at the thought of what he was about to do. He walked up to Arthur, whose back was again turned to him.

"Um... Arthur?" he asked, trying his best not to cry.

"What is it Merlin?" he asked, not turning around from the window.

"Would you please turn around?" his voice was merely a whisper. Arthur did so and looked Merlin straight in the eye.

With all the courage that was in him, Merlin leant forward, finally closing the space between them. All the love that had been building subconsciously in him for months was finally released in this one beautiful moment of tender passion. He felt a single tear roll down his face as he felt the softness of Arthur's lips against his. He must have been in heaven. Nothing on earth could feel this good.

But he was brought back to earth soon enough when the kiss was broken and he looked into Arthur's eyes. He hoped with all his might that Arthur's memory of the spell would break as well as the spell itself. Arthur gave a little shudder as his face changed expression. A second later, Arthur had a look on his face as if he had just woken up in the morning.

"Merlin..." he said indolently.

"What do you think about the Lady Vivian sire?" he asked. Arthur looked taken aback.

"I already told you- she's rude and obnoxious and I don't like her one bit." _Good _Merlin thought _the spell is broken at least_

"But, you... you kissed me?" Arthur asked. _Oh no_ Merlin thought. It seemed his memory of the past two days had not been erased. He really had wanted to avoid doing this- it would break his heart. But his feelings didn't matter- he couldn't be thinking of himself right now. Arthur was important. His kingdom was important, and Merlin couldn't allow that to be jeopardised because of his feelings. He shut his eyes and cried silently; ignoring the Prince's perplexed looks- he would not remember them shortly.

"Goodbye Arthur," he said through his tears "I love you." And with that, he muttered under his breath _ofergitan. _

He opened his eyes, which were red and wet. Arthur's expression changed and then went back to normal. Merlin took a huge and laboured breath. It was done. The kiss had never happened. Arthur did not remember the last two days.

"What do you think of the Lady Vivian sire?" he asked as before.

"I already told you yesterday- she's rude and obnoxious and I don't like her one bit. Why are you crying Merlin?" he asked, seeing his servant's red eyes.

"I'm not, I was helping with breakfast in the kitchens and I was chopping onions." It seemed to satisfy him, and he turned around and laughed.

"You helped with the cooking?" he asked, amazed. "You never cease to surprise me Merlin."

"Arthur, listen, you're in a fight to the death."

"What?" he exclaimed.

"Olaf challenged you to a fight to the death because you were flirting with his daughter. You're losing," he told him. Arthur looked so confused.

"I don't recall any of this Merlin!"

"It was last night, you were drunk," he improvised "She was there and you started flirting with her. Olaf saw you two and got furious and you picked up the gauntlet."

"I must have been really drunk to go after _Vivian_!"

"It would seem so. If it's alright sire, I need to go and prepare for the fight this morning." He gave a slight bow and left the room.

He had no intention of going to see the fight. All he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and die. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that by erasing Arthur's memory, he had killed two birds with one stone, the second bird being Gwen. He had broken the spell, but Gwen's heart would not be completely broken. He had to make amends with her somehow, but not today.

Her heart may mend, but his certainly wouldn't. He would have to come to work every day and look Arthur in the eye, knowing that they had shared the most perfect moment of his life. But Arthur would never know.

It had to be for the best though. This way everybody wins- expect Merlin of course. Perhaps some things are just not meant to be. Merlin's destiny was to protect Arthur, not to love him. Arthur would find love- perhaps he would marry Gwen. But Merlin would not love again. It seemed so cruel that on the very day he finally unburied his feelings for Arthur, the very same day, they were snatched from him just as violently.

Perhaps some people were not meant to love- Merlin was not mean to love.

He finally made what was the longest walk of his life, to Gaius's chambers, relieved to see that he wasn't in. He walked slowly up to his room and locked the door, where he burst into an uncontrollable passion of tears.

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**Not quite the kiss you thought it would be, right? **

**Stay tuned to see what happens next!**

**Huge hugs to all my reviewers, and please don't hate my cliff hanger too much! (puppy dog eyes)**


	6. Merlin: Arthur's Dilemma

Chapter 6: Arthur's Dilemma

It had been a week since Merlin had plucked up the courage to kiss Arthur, but more importantly, since he erased his memory. Nobody knew anything about what had happened- not even the dragon. It was much more difficult than Merlin had thought to see Arthur every day knowing what he did. He was as much in love with as he ever was, but this wasn't a normal love. This love hurt. This love he had for Arthur burnt the very core of his being every time he looked at him- at those lips he remembered kissing so well. No matter how long he lived, he would never forget that one last piece of happiness he would ever experience.

But Arthur wasn't being his usual self. He wasn't treating him badly, or taking advantage of him, even in public (which was quite uncharacteristic). That's what hurt Merlin even more. He wanted Arthur to treat him badly, to shout at him and to talk down to him. That way he could maybe convince himself more easily that he couldn't possible love such a sadistic bastard. But Arthur's recent behaviour just kept on reinforcing the reasons for Merlin to love him. He knew that under all the arrogance and the harsh words, the real Arthur, the one that revealed himself to Merlin every night when he would shut his chamber doors, was one worth loving.

He had tried to promise himself that life would almost certainly go on as normal, and he wouldn't have any problems with serving Arthur. But that was impossible, a hopeless case. That promise was broken the second it was made. Gaius certainly knew something was wrong, however, he knew better than to start questioning Merlin in the state he was in these days. He would spend hours at a time whe he was not serving Arthur, in his room, and cry indistinctly into his pillow.

However, one night, Gaius decided to go up into Merlin's room and have a talk with him. It was completely out of character for him to be like this. The once optimistic and cheerful Merlin seemed to slip away in front of Gaius's eyes, and it worried him immensely.

As he opened the door to Merlin's room, he saw him sprawled across his bead and fast asleep. His heart melted at the sight of his surrogate son like this. He came to sit on the edge of Merlin's bed, trying to as quiet as possible and heard muffled sounds escaping his mouth. The young boy seemed to be crying in his sleep, however, no tears emerged from his eyes.

"Arthur," he cried indistinctly. Gaius looked at Merlin, shocked at the words coming out of his mouth. "Arthur... I love you."

Gaius gasped quietly and stood up slowly from the bed, edging his way out of Merlin's room.

* * *

The next morning, Merlin woke up early in the morning, again, before the sun was up. It was becoming a habit for him not to be able to sleep well, due to his dreams about Arthur that were bothering him so. He would just get dressed and eat before Gaius awoke and make his way to Arthur's chambers to start his work. Of course, the Prince was in absolute bliss, having a servant that was on time every day.

Today, however, when Merlin made his way sleepily down the stairs into Gaius's room, he was surprised to see Gaius awake and dressed, sitting down at the table. He guessed this meant that he wanted to talk to him about something. To be honest, Merlin was in no mood for talking- he wasn't in the mood to do anything but get through the day, as always.

"Morning Gaius," he said, half-heartedly as he reached for a bowel to make himself some porridge.

"You seem tired Merlin. Would you like to tell me what you're doing up at this hour?"

"I couldn't sleep," said Merlin. That was essentially true.

"Bad dream?" asked Gaius. His tone wasn't suspicious; however, Merlin suspected something wasn't right.

"Why do you ask?" he eyed him.

"Well, it's just you've never had problems with sleeping before- on the contrary, I can never get you_ out_of bed in the morning. I guessed maybe you were having nightmares. It sometimes happens when a person has gone through a terrible experience." Merlin let out a sigh. He really didn't want to talk about his dreams. They would only make the pain in his chest even worse. "Would you like me to prepare you a sleeping draft Merlin?" asked Gaius.

"No, really, I'm fine." That was the last thing he wanted. His dreams, although they hindered his sleep, were the only place he could escape to where he and Arthur could be truly in love. Where he could be happy with Arthur. They are the only proof that a love between them ever existed.

"Are you sure?"

"Gaius, I really have to be going, Arthur will start to get annoyed." Gaius nodded and let the boy go off to his work. However, Gaius intended to extract the truth from him- sooner or later.

* * *

After making a flying visit to the kitchen's to collect Arthur's breakfast, Merlin walked down the lengthy corridors of the palace until he reached his master's chambers. He couldn't wait to see Arthur, even if it did kill him at the same time. He knocked on Arthur's door, and upon receiving no answer, he assumed Arthur was still asleep. He entered the room, and nearly dropping the breakfast tray in the process upon what he saw.

Arthur was laying on his stomach, his beautiful back completely exposed, and his arm draped over another woman's bare back. He could not see her face, however, he did not except it to be anyone that he knew. Merlin dug his nails into the wooden tray to prevent tears escaping his eyes. He was so furious- how could Arthur do this to him? Then he sighed, realising it wasn't anyone's fault but his own. He simply had to continue his duties in Arthur's room, while in his bed lay another woman, with _his _Arthur.

As Merlin opened the curtain's he noticed the sun nearly raised and upon the harsh light streaming through the window, he heard Arthur's early morning groan. He rubbed his eyes and stretched as he turned to face Merlin.

"On time again I see Merlin," he observed, even in his sleepy state "This is becoming too frequent to me to get used to." He smiled, making Merlin almost weak at the knees. He then remembered the woman in Arthur's bed as she too stirred and woke, kissing Arthur's shoulder and then his chest. He didn't protest, which made Merlin bite his tongue in anger and jealousy.

"Sire..." he began, looking for an excuse to leave the room before his anger got the better of him and he did something he would regret.

"Yes Merlin?" the Prince answered without opening his eyes.

"Would you like me to bring an extra breakfast tray for your..." he tried with all his might to refrain from calling her a whore "...lady?" he finished.

"That won't be necessary Merlin. Margaret was just leaving," said Arthur, which gave the whore her cue to get out of bed and drape a robe around her slender frame. She didn't look fazed at all by Arthur's attitude towards her, and she merely smiled and waved flirtatiously as she left his room.

Merlin finally relaxed a little for the first time since entering Arthur's room. He was till hurt though. Not because of Arthur- he knew it wasn't his fault. He was hurt by some evil unjust power at work that was keeping them apart. He felt a single tear drop from his eye, not going unnoticed by Arthur.

"Why are you crying Merlin?" he asked.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"I'm not, really, a piece of dust just got in my eye, that's all." Arthur didn't seem convinced.

"Come over here and let me see," he said. Merlin obeyed, reluctantly. He leaned over so Arthur could see his eye. "No, definitely looks like crying to me. You want to tell me what's been going on?" he asked. _God, why does he have to be so nice to me?_

"Nothing's going on sire."

"Now that is a terrible lie, and you know it's bad to lie to your Prince." Merlin just sighed. "Is it girl trouble Merlin?" he asked. Merlin let out a slight laugh. He had no idea how close he was.

"I'm just a little tired sire, that's all. I haven't been sleeping well- nightmares." It was a pathetic excuse and he knew it, but what else could he say?

"Maybe you should take the day off and get some rest? I can manage." He looked genuinely concerned. Merlin had never seen him this tender and concerned since he was poisoned by Nimueh.

"I don't want the day off sire- work takes my mind off things."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it. Maybe I could help with the nightmares?" Merlin looked at him, surprised.

"You sire?" he nodded "Have you been having nightmares? Maybe I should have Gaius prepare you something?"

"No, that won't be necessary. They're not even dreams really, they're more like... memories I would say."

"Memories?"

"Yes. They started the night we held the leaving feast for the five King's earlier in the week. At first, they were just voices in my head, but as time went on, I could see people and things more clearly. It's still awfully hazy though. That girl... Vivian was in one of them- a couple of nights ago. I could hear her voice and then I saw her. We were... kissing!" Merlin swallowed hard.

"Kissing?" he asked, very curious and worried by now

"Yes, I'm sure they don't mean anything. They seem so real, but the curious thing is, I don't remember doing any of it." Arthur looked utterly perplexed, but shook his head. "Anyway. I _order _you to take the day off Merlin. You can't get out of that one!" he smiled. Merlin shrugged in defeat and left the room.

Perhaps this was very good timing. Something wasn't right and he needed to find out what- fast.

**This idea about Arthur's 'memories' came to me as I was writing this. They're really crucial for the rest of the story, so keep reading!**

**I LOVE all you guys who have reviewed and added me! You all know who you are!**


	7. Merlin: Selfless Deeds

Chapter 7: Selfless Deeds

Visiting the dragon was an event that was occurring too often for Merlin's taste- there was nothing that infuriated him more than the dragon's metaphorical and ambiguous ways. However, this was for Arthur, and something wasn't going right- he had to see the dragon.

He usually swooped down to meet Merlin, and sat in silence, waiting for Merlin's explanation as to why he was there. However, today, it was the dragon who spoke first.

"You are troubled young warlock." This was not a question.

"I know- I'm here."

"That's not what I meant Merlin. I can see by your eyes and your body language. Something has happened to the young Pendragon? That is normally the root of your dilemmas. He is mistreating you?"

"That's just it," said Merlin "He's being abnormally kind to me. It's not normal for him to be concerned about my feelings or my welfare."

"Maybe it is normal, however, you have not noticed, and now that you have discovered you feelings for the Prince..."

"Who said I have?" Merlin demanded.

"I assume the young Pendragon is no longer enchanted?" Merlin sighed. There was no getting out of this one.

"No he isn't," he admitted "I kissed him."

"And yet, you are grieving," the dragon observed.

"My feelings are of no consequence," Merlin said "Arthur is all that matters, and right now, there is something wrong."

"I'm intrigued," that dragon said, with his usual sarcasm "Would you care to enlighten me?" Merlin sighed for the second time. He really didn't want to discuss this, and any thoughts he had of the day he had wiped Arthur's memory brought him to tears, _without _fail. But there was no getting a solution without the explanation. He took a deep, laboured breath and began.

"The day that I... kissed Arthur... to break the spell..." It was much harder talking about it that he had anticipated. It was the first time he had told someone about that day. "I couldn't let Arthur remember what had happened. It would have destroyed Camelot. If his feelings were as you said, he would have wanted us to be together, and I would be too weak to refuse. I couldn't let his throw his kingdom away for me," Merlin explained. "So I erased his memory of the previous two day up until the point that he kissed me." The dragon's face was expressionless.

"And you are unhappy with your choice?" he asked "You wish to reverse the spell?"

"No! Of course not. It doesn't matter whether I'm upset or not." He felt his eyes well up slightly. He would not cry here. "But just a moment ago, when I was with Arthur in his chambers, I mentioned to him that I had trouble sleeping recently, and he suggested that he could help, seeing as he's been having bad dreams too."

"I see nothing abnormal about nightmares. Does the witch Morgana not suffer from nightmares? You fear Arthur is a sorcerer?" The tone to his voice was almost humorous.

"What? No." Merlin shook his head. "It's the _nature _of his dreams that bothers me. Actually, he didn't describe them as dreams; he said they were more like _memories_."

"Oh?"

"Exactly. He said that the latest dream included the Lady Vivian kissing him in his bedchamber. But I wiped that event clear from his mind. How could he be remembering these things? They seem to be getting clearer as well, according to him. They started out as voices, but now he can see figures and people. They're still blurred he says, but if they're getting stronger, that means..."

"...You are concerned that the Prince will re-live the kiss you gave him in his dreams?" the dragon guessed. Merlin nodded.

"I don't understand how he could be remembering all these things though- or how they're getting stronger. As if his memory is coming back all together!" The dragon was silent for a moment, and then spoke up.

"When did these... visions begin? Do you know?" Merlin thought for a moment.

"Yes... Arthur said they began the very night of the feats when the five Kings left Camelot. Why is that significant?"

"Do you recall anything that you did or said that night young warlock?"

"I'm not sure... I think Arthur got really drunk. Yes, that's right. He was _very _drunk. His coordination wasn't the best, and he accidently knocked one of the servants over, causing his to spill all the soup he was carrying all over Uther. He was furious." Merlin laughed at the memory "I remember, Uther asked who had knocked the boy over, as nobody had seen Arthur do it. He looked so vacant and distant; I took pity on him and took the blame. I got put in the stocks for the whole day the next day." He rolled his eyes "What a prat," he mumbled.

"And this is when his dreams began. But you say they were mere voices, and were getting stronger ever since. Do you remember anything else that you did for Arthur this week?" Merlin looked perplexed.

"Well... when I came back from the stocks, I went to Arthur's chambers and he confided in me that he had forgotten about the audience that he was meant to be having with his Father, concerning the treaty. He said that wasn't feelings too good because of all the wine he had drunk at the feast. Again, I took pity on him and took the blame to not reminding Arthur about it. That earned me another day in the stocks. Come to think of it... I've spent half the week in the stocks just because of Arthur's incompetence!"

"Do you remember what I told you young warlock, when you approached me just last week concerning a method to break Arthur's enchantment?" Merlin nodded with annoyance.

"You said that there was no spell that could break this enchantment, and that it had to be broken by the greatest force of all- love."

"You were listening. I'm impressed."

"Thanks for the compliments, but what does that have anything to do with Arthur's dreams?" He was beginning to get agitated.

"I believe that the spell that you cast upon Arthur is being reversed by love- it was created through love. You wanted to protect Arthur from your love, and through a completely selfless act, you erased his memory. Now, with each selfless act you perform for Arthur, his memory is returning. It is the only explanation I have. It would explain why his visions are becoming clearer and stronger, seeing as you are constantly doing things for him out of love." Merlin looked up at the dragon in amazement. Could it really be that simple to reverse a spell without using magic? The dragon seemed to read his mind, and chuckled softly.

"I told you young warlock, that there is no greater magic on this earth than love... although, I must admit, I have never heard of the theory being put into practice before. The theory of spell reversal due to love has never been witnessed before. It is written that only a love that is truly strong and selfless can achieve this miracle."

"But..." Merlin shook his head "Arthur doesn't even _know _that I love him! He ordered one of castle whores to leave his room this very morning!"

"That is of no consequence Merlin," the dragon told him "In his subconscious mind; he is still in love with you. That is why he is being kinder to you than before. In a normal situation, before the spell, both his subconscious and conscious mind knew of his love for you. His conscious mind knew better than to express his love for you, and so he treated you perhaps a little harshly.

Now that his conscious love for you has been removed, he has no reason to mistreat you, and so his subconscious mind can allow him to be kind to you." Merlin looked more confused than ever, making the dragon laugh "Enjoy it while it lasts Merlin, for once the young Pendragon's dreams become fully clear and he remembers his love for you, things will go back to how they were before."

"But I don't want things as they were!" Merlin shouted "If Arthur finds out I love him, he will be forced to choose. I would not love him truly if I were selfish enough to subject him to such a dilemma. His destiny is to be King and produce an heir. I cannot give him that! It would be best if he never remembered that night!"

"There is nothing you can do Merlin. He will remember eventually."

"There must be a way!"

"To stop the dreams returning, you must stop loving Arthur. Or stop _showing _your love for him at any rate," the dragon explained.

"But I don't show it. Uther would have my head if I did," Merlin protested. His love for Arthur was causing him more pain by the second

"Your selfless deeds are reversing the spell, so you must cease to perform them." The dragon stated it as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"I can't do that- I don't have it in me to be selfish towards Arthur. It's second nature for me to want to prevent him any pain, even if it means receiving it myself."

"Then, I cannot help you Merlin. Only this will prevent the dreams drawing dangerously nearer to the kiss."

Merlin wasn't sure if he was breathing by now. His head was spinning with a million different thoughts. He was certain that if he erased Arthur's memory, it would put a stop to any hurt or problems- for Arthur at least. Merlin would always carry the scars, and he knew it when he chanted those cursed words. But it seemed he had just made things worse. Why was everything he did backfiring at him tenfold?

He touched his forehead, which was perspiring with nerves. What was he to do?

"Why is this happening to me?" he begged. He wasn't even sure if he meant that question to be rhetorical, or if it was a direct question for the dragon. He felt two tears roll down his pale cheeks. He didn't care if the dragon saw.

"Love can be a cruel thing Merlin," he told him "But it can also be wonderful." Merlin looked up at him, his eyes almost pleading.

"Can you tell me what would happen if I was to stay with Arthur, and... love him?" There was so much hope in his voice, it was painful to here.

"I'm sorry Merlin," his eyes and the tone of his voice were, for once, true and sympathetic. "I cannot tell you, for I do not know. You are the creator of your own future. I only hope you make the right decision." The dragon batted his mighty wings and flew far above the small boy.

Merlin let out a small cry, as yet more years poured down his cheeks. He had no idea what he would do. But he could not allow himself to be tempted into such selfishness as to ruin Arthur's life with his love. But he was not strong enough to mistreat Arthur in order to prevent the spell from reversing. There was only one thing he could think of, and it killed him just by the thought of it. The hole that he thought was starting to heal suddenly opened up without warning at the thought of what he had to do. He could think of nothing worse, and yet, there was nothing better that he could do. He turned around and left the cave.

**I'm really getting into writing this story now, and I hope you're enjoying it. **

**Thank you so much for all those who have been reviewing, and I hope you can forgive me for yet another cliff hanger. I wanted to build up the emotion for the next chapter. **

**Hugs!**


	8. Merlin: Goodbyes

Chapter 8: Goodbyes 

It had been a heartbreaking and heart wrenching few hours for Merlin. He had made the decision to leave Arthur's service, and Camelot for good. It was the only way he could protect Arthur from himself, and as he stood in his room, pondering over the last few hours, he began to pack his small rucksack.

Merlin had very few belongings, and it didn't take him long to pack his things. He filled the empty satchel with a few items. He took our the four or five shirts he owned, his spare neckerchief, a pair of trousers, the rabbit's foot that Gaius had given him to chase away bad sprits, and of course, his spell book.

"_Arthur," said Merlin, as he entered the Prince's chambers. It was the morning after Merlin's visit to the dragon, and he was feeling more depressed than ever. _

_Arthur was already dressed, to Merlin's amazement, and was sitting at his table, waiting for his breakfast obviously. "Don't worry Merlin, you're not late," he told him "I couldn't sleep."_

"_Another dream?" Merlin asked. Arthur nodded._

"_They're becoming increasingly clear. I was fighting Olaf to the death after I had kissed his daughter. Is that why he challenged me Merlin? Because I fell in love with Vivian? You told me I got drunk and didn't know what I was doing." Merlin felt his breath freeze in his throat._

"_That's what happened sire," he said "These dreams are only dreams, I'm sure they don't mean anything."_

"_Perhaps you're right, I'm sorry. It's just that they seem so real- sometimes I wonder whether I'm dreaming or not." Merlin felt a sigh of relief as he brought Arthur's breakfast over to him. But then it hit him. How could Arthur have dreamt anything last night? Merlin hadn't done anything selfless in the last 24 hours, had he? Unless his decision to leave Camelot was considered a selfless deed. It obviously was, based on Arthur's reactions._

_Merlin tried to dismiss this thought from his mind. In a few hours, Arthur would be free of him, and even if the kiss came back to him in his dreams, Merlin would be too far for Arthur to bother looking for him._

_It wasn't until Merlin came up close to the Prince did he notice that his eyes were red and tired, with bags under them. Arthur was obviously sleeping a lot less than he was letting on. Merlin suddenly felt a huge rush of guilt serge through him, as he realised this was his fault. The sooner he left Camelot, the better it would be for everyone._

"_Sire," he started. The vulnerability in his voice surprised even him. He knew this would be difficult, but he never expected anything like this. The last time he did this was when he was about to give his life to Nimueh after Arthur had been bitten. He had never felt such pain before. \But the same pain was returning to him, worse this time, because he was finally aware of his feelings for Arthur._

_He struggled to get any sort of coherent words out without bursting into tears. He thought that erasing Arthur's memory would be harder than leaving him- he was wrong. Even though Arthur didn't remember a thing of what happened between them that night, Merlin was still able to look him in the eye every day, and pretend to himself that everything was as it was- that they were in love and happy together. Now he would never be able to do that again. "I need to tell you something," he managed._

"_What is it?"_

"_I..." How was he going to say this without breaking down "I have to leave your services sire."_

"_What?" Arthur slowly sat up, surprised "Why?"_

"_It's my mother, she's fallen ill. I received a letter from her last night. I've got to go to her, to look after her. You understand?" Arthur's eyes seemed more hurt than his body language, however, he simply nodded and slouched back down. _

"_Of course I understand Merlin. I would do exactly the same if it were me. When to you leave?"_

"_As soon as possible. Today if I can."_

"_So soon?" Merlin looked up at Arthur, shocked by the vulnerability in his own voice._

"_Yes," he answered. It was almost a whisper "I would like to arrive in Ealdor by dark." _

"_Yes, of course," he agreed. Merlin stood very still for a moment, not knowing how to react. He wanted to say goodbye to Arthur properly, but how?_

"_It's, um..." he started "It's been an honour serving you sire," he said. Arthur nodded._

"_Thank you Merlin. You've always been a loyal friend to me. I will miss you." Merlin tried his best to ignore all the nice things Arthur was telling him. It was as the dragon said, only his subconscious mind that was allowing him to be this kind._

"_I'd best go sire, I have a lot of packing to be getting on with," he lied. Arthur stayed silent, allowing Merlin to slip out of his chambers for the last time._

But his morning had not ended at that. Merlin had made a huge mess with Gwen, and he promised that he would put things right with her. He had visited her shortly after his goodbye with Arthur, trying to make himself look like he wasn't crying.

_Merlin knocked on Gwen's door, fearing what she would say- after all, last time they had spoken, she had slapped him in the face shortly afterwards. He was determined to put things right before he left, both between themselves, but between her and Arthur as well._

_Gwen called for Merlin to come in, but as soon as he set foot in her house, he could tell by her face that she wished she hadn't let him in. Nevertheless, he entered the house, and Gwen put down her broom to listen to him._

"_I've come to say goodbye." She clearly wasn't expecting that, as her eyes grew wide and confused. _

"_Why would you leave?" she asked._

"_I have my reasons." He really didn't want to go into details "I just came to say goodbye, and to try and make up with you over what happened last week." Gwen looked down at the floor, remembering the events that had hurt her so much._

"_Sit down," she offered as she herself sat at the table. Merlin joined her with a sigh._

"_I'm really sorry about what happened with you and Arthur, Gwen, you must believe me."_

"_I do Merlin, it's just that... I really thought you meant it."_

"_I did mean it Gwen. I honestly don't know what happened. Why it didn't work. But I know that deep down Arthur has feelings for you. Just be patient, and I'm sure he'll dig them up in time." Merlin didn't have a clue where all these lies were coming from, but they seemed to be cheering Gwen up somewhat, and that was the main goal._

"_Do you really think so?" she asked. Her voice was so full of hope._

"_I can't see the future Gwen- only the present. And at present, I know you can make him love you again." She smiled at that, and leaned over to give Merlin a hug. _

His bag was finally packed, and Merlin was ready to leave Camelot forever. When he had first arrived, he never expected it to feel so much like home. Gaius was the first person to make him feel like he truly belonged. He had made so many friends while he lived here- and found the love of his life. It would be a love that, he hoped, would carry him through the long and lonely years ahead, without anyone to love.

Merlin came down the wooden steps into Gaius' chamber, to find him reading a book at the table.

"Gaius," he said "I need to talk to you." He looked up, confused as to why Merlin had his rucksack packed.

"Are you going somewhere Merlin?" he asked.

"I've decided to leave Camelot. I can't stay here Gaius."

"What? How long have you had to think about this Merlin?"

"About two hours," he answered "Gaius, nothing you can say will change my mind. I just wanted to say goodbye." He felt a single tear fall from his eye.

"May I at least know why you are leaving? Is it something I've done?"

"What? No, of course not. You don't know how much you mean to me Gaius. But you also don't know how much Ar..." he stopped himself too late. Gaius knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Is this about Arthur?" Merlin took a deep breath at the sound of his name.

"You can never understand," he told him.

"I understand enough that you are in love with him Merlin, but is that any reason to leave?"

"What? How did you know?" Gaius smiled.

"You know Merlin, you may be able to lie to me, but your dreams cannot. All you ever dream about these days is Arthur." Merlin blushed slightly at the thought of Gaius knowing this whole time. "But why would you want to leave because of that?"

"Because I kissed him!" Even Gaius seemed to be shocked at that

"He sacked you?" he asked.

"No, I kissed him days ago- it was to break the enchantment when Lady Vivian was here. The dragon told me that Arthur must kiss the person he truly loves to break the spell, but Gw..." he stopped himself again, making sure not to mention Gwen's name. Arthur had made it very clear what Merlin's life would be like if he ever mentioned it. "The dragon said _my _kiss would be the only one to work, so I did it. But..." Merlin sighed and felt more tears roll down his eyes at the thought of the next part. "And then I erased his memory."

"Why would you do that Merlin?"

"Because Arthur will be King one day, and he cannot love me! It isn't meant to be. So I erased his memory of the kiss and the previous two days. But now, his memory is coming back, because of me!"

"I don't understand."

"The dragon said that because the spell I made was out of selfless love, selfless love would reverse the effects- I've been performing selfless deeds for Arthur, and the time that I made him forget is coming back to him in his dreams. Every time I get put in the stocks for him, he remembers more. I can't let him remember that he loves me. I have to get away from here Gaius."

"Merlin, please think about this, I... I don't want to lose you. I nearly lost you once. Don't do this again."

"Gaius, I've got to. For Arthur and for Camelot, I've got to disappear." Merlin was now crying uncontrollably. All the anger, pain and love that had been building up in him for the last few hours was spilling out now in front of Gaius. "Gaius please..." Merlin begged "You've got to let me go." Gaius nodded slowly, and extended his arms out for Merlin to embrace him. He obliged, giving Gaius a warm hug, tears spilling onto his shoulder.

"I love you Merlin," Gaius told him. Merlin gasped in shock and stood back.

"You... you what?"

"I love you Merlin. You are the son I never had, and I only wish I had treated you better. I wish I had more time with you. But I know that you'll be happy at your mother's." Merlin nodded and hugged Gaius one last time, before heading out the door.

* * *

Camelot certainly looked beautiful in the morning. Merlin had never fully appreciated how beautiful the castle looked with the midday sun hovering just behind the tallest tower, the rays spilling all around the castle walls. He smiled a bittersweet smile as he whispered, "Goodbye Arthur. I love you," before riding off into the forest.

**END OF BOOK 1**

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**ok folks, some notices coming up:**

**1. I finally know in what direction I'm going to take this story from this point. I made a chapter plan the other day, and I've decided that this story will have 20 chapters, unless some major plot details change, in which case I will inform you. I've also decided to split this story into 3 parts. So far, including this chapter is the first book, which, seeing as it was told from Merlin's point of view, will be called 'Merlin'. The next chapter will mark the beginning of the second book, which will be told from Arthur's point of view, and, surprise, surprise, will be called 'Arthur'. I'm not telling you the name of the third book, as it might give away the plot! (evil laugh). **

**2. Once I've finished this story, i MAY embark on a sequel, seeing as I've had such fun writing this one. However, I'll only make the sequel if people specifically tell me they want it, so I will put a poll up on my profile, where I would like you guys to vote on wether you want a sequel or not.**

**3. On Dec 18th, I'm going to Poland for the xmas holidays, and will, therefore, not be updating during that time. I may or may not get the next chapter written before then, it depends on how much homework I get next week (A levels are sooo annoying)**

**4. Thank you soooo much for everyone who's reviewed so far. It really means a lot, especially as a first time writer, to get such positive feedback. So in the words of Bradley James, stay tuned Merlin fans!**


	9. Arthur: Carrying On As Usual

**BOOK 2: ARTHUR**

Chapter 9: Carrying on as Usual

Arthur awoke to find the harsh sunlight streaming in through his open curtains. He tried to cover his eyes and cursed Merlin under his breath for being incompetent enough to leave the curtains open at night- he knew how it frustrated him when he was awoken by the harsh morning light.

However, the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he hadn't been woken this late for a very long time. All the past week, he had been woken up in the early hours of the morning when it was still dark, usually covered in sweat after another one of his memory nightmares hit him. Today, however, he woke up what seemed to be a lot later, and having slept the night through with no bad dreams. Things were looking up!

Still, he was angry with his foolish manservant for leaving the curtains open, and he would be lucky to get out of it easily. He called Merlin's name, realising that breakfast was not on the table, and when no answer came, he sat up, becoming increasingly agitated. He normally didn't have to call twice for Merlin to enter. He called his name a second time, and the door to his chambers finally opened, however, it was not Merlin carrying his tray of breakfast, it was Gwen.

"Um..." started Arthur, not sure what to make of it "Guinevere, what are you doing here?" he asked. She lay the tray down on the table and smiled at the Prince.

"I have brought you your breakfast sire. You seem to have slept a lot better last night."

"Better than I've done in days," he sighed "What time is it?"

"Nearly midday. Would you like me to call for a bath my lord?" she asked sweetly.

"No, that won't be necessary Guinevere, Merlin can see to... where is the buffoon this morning?" Arthur demanded. Gwen looked at the Prince, puzzled, obviously wondering if he had bumped his head last night.

"Sire... Merlin left your services yesterday... don't you remember?"

Arthur sighed. Of course! Now he remembered, Merlin had left Camelot to help his sick mother back in Ealdor. Suddenly, a rush of involuntary sadness came through him, obviously showing up in his eyes, as Gwen asked him if he was ok.

"I'm perfectly fine Guinevere- just taking time to adjust, I suppose. It's going to be quiet around here without the idiot, isn't it?" She nodded.

"It certainly will be sire. Merlin was a real character," she answered, a hint of sadness in her own voice. "Would you like that bath then, sire?" she asked as she headed for the door.

"Please Guinevere." She smiled and began to walk out, before Arthur called her name again. She poked her head back round the door. "It's good to see you Gwen," he said with a smile. Her eyes seemed to light up at this comment as she headed out the door.

Arthur sat up in bed and sighed at the difficult task that awaited him this afternoon- finding a new manservant.

* * *

It was much harder work than Arthur had anticipated. Finding Merlin had been so remarkably easy- he just saved his life and was awarded a position in the royal household. Even though Arthur would never admit this, and even though he teased Merlin about his skills as a manservant, he had turned out to be the best manservant he's ever had. He always seemed to get his work done, no matter how much Arthur gave him, and even though he was clumsy and loud and funny-looking, they were traits that Arthur found he couldn't quite live without. Merlin had miraculously become not only a good servant, but his best friend, something he _never_ expected in a million years.

He wasn't even sure if he _wanted _another servant. It seemed wrong, for some strange reason, to just replace Merlin without a second thought and cast him aside like he normally did his other servants. But he couldn't just erase him from his memory as if he were an old shoe that he no longer needed. He had no idea where these strong bonds for Merlin had come from, but he didn't really want to dwell too much on them- they were starting to make him feel uncomfortable.

* * *

"What on earth are you doing Edward!" Arthur shouted at his servant. The boy had been pouring Arthur his ale; however, the cup had overflowed. That, combined with Arthur's extremely bad mood this morning, caused him to erupt. The boy jumped back at his master's anger. "Why don't you look what you're doing!" He stood up and walked away from the breakfast table, allowing the boy to wipe up the mess he had made.

"I'm so sorry sire; I'll just clean this up." Arthur looked up at the panicked young boy, realising that this was just the sort of stupid thing that Merlin would have done, the fool. He couldn't deal with his emotions right now.

"Go Edward, just go." The boy looked up at Arthur, shocked.

"Sire... you... you're sacking me?" the boy stuttered.

"Yes, just get out of my sight!" Arthur shouted, making the boy jump, and leave the room with tears in his eyes. Arthur sighed and sat down in his chair with a huff. He looked up and saw Gwen walking into his chambers as the boy left. She looked at the servant with pity, and then at Arthur, a hint of disappointment in her expression.

"What did you do Arthur?" she asked, placing the towels she was carrying on the bed.

"I dismissed him," he simply said. Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Sire, that's the third servant in two weeks!" she sighed "Don't you think you should be aiming for a more long-term employee?" The Prince said nothing "What did this one do?" she asked. The Prince looked at her with a guilty look on his face.

"He spilt my drink," he told her.

"That's it?" Gwen almost exclaimed "That's a good enough reason to fire the poor boy? Merlin used to spill your food all the..." she stopped in mid sentence, remembering what the mention of Merlin's name did to Arthur. He looked up at her, his eyes looking quite angry. But then it hit her.

"Oooooh," she said "I understand now."

"What are you talking about?" Arthur looked up.

"Arthur, I don't mean to pry, but it's obvious that you keep firing all these servants because they remind you too much of Merlin. You have to let it go." Arthur was in no mood to discuss this with Gwen.

"Guinevere, this has nothing to do with you- my servant was incompetent, and so I sacked him, and it is not up to you to judge me." Gwen looked shocked at the Prince's words. He had never been so authoritarian, usually; he was kind and friendly to his servants. She merely gave him a small curtsy.

"My Lord," she said, before leaving the room and crying. Arthur, hearing her cries outside, groaned in frustration.

"Well done Arthur, you've really done it this time," he said to himself. He didn't meant to be ratty with anyone, but it seemed lately, he had just lost the will to be kind anymore. He didn't want people to be nice to him and he didn't want to be nice back. Nevertheless, he knew he had probably gone a bit too far today, and leaned back in his chair, pondering ways in which he could make it up to Gwen.

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**YEY I GOT THIS CHAPTER UP! Sorry it's quite short, but I didn't think I would get it done before I left.**

**Please try and review as much as you can before tomorrow, so I can read them before I leave!**

**Note: If you like this story, check out the video I put on youtube- Merthur- i will always love you. I think the lyrics go really well with the first part of my story. Tell me what you think anyway!**

**Love you Merlin fans! See you next year!**


	10. Arthur: Apologies and Cooking

**Happy new year Merlin fans!!!! It nearly killed me, but I got this chapter up today! Please note, that seeing as I got back from Poland like...three hours ago, this chapter may not be all that fabulous!**

**This chapter is obviously dedicated ESPECIALLY to our gorgeous Colin for his birthday that was on Friday- we all love you Colin!**

**So, enogh of my rambling, enjoy the chapter! P.s, see if you can spot my little 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves' tribute in this chap! It's not that hard to notice, if you know the movie!**

Chapter 10: Apologies and Cooking

The next afternoon, a very nervous Arthur knocked on Gwen's door, holding a bunch of flowers. Unlike the last time he gave her flowers, these one's he had picked himself.

She opened the door with an obviously forced smile- after the way Arthur had treated her, it wasn't surprising that her welcome to him wasn't so inviting.

"What can I do for you sire?" she asked, her tone polite, but colder than usual. He handed her the flowers and she took them hesitantly.

"I came to apologise for the way I acted yesterday Guinevere."

"You have nothing to apologize for My Lord, I was at fault. You are not to blame." It was obvious that she didn't mean any of it, and that she was extremely frustrated with him right now. However, Arthur wasn't angry at her refusal to acknowledge him.

"I will not hear of it Guinevere, the fault was entirely my own, I should not have snapped at you like that." She didn't look convinced yet.

"You have every right to My Lord, I am just a servant. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"Gwen, it's alright," she actually looked up at him, surprised at his use of her short name, and the warm, forgiving, friendly tone to his voice. The anger that was inside her began to slowly melt away with the Prince's words. "I shouldn't have behaved so appealingly. I'll re-hire Edward in the morning if it'll make you happy." He smiled "It seems you always bring out the best in me Guinevere. Even if you don't mean to." He finally saw her golden smile for the first time that morning.

"That's more like it," he said. She smiled again, all anger melted from her heart by this point. "May I come in?" Arthur asked. She hesitated a little, but stood aside and allowed him to enter her home.

"Will you be staying? Would you like me to make you some food?" she asked, her tone now lighter and more friendly.

"Actually, I thought that I would make you some- to further make up for yesterday."

Gwen looked at him suspiciously, thinking of the last time Arthur had offered to make food for her. Noticing her apprehension, and thinking the same as her, Arthur said,

"Don't worry Gwen, I promise I'll try and cook this meal myself, and just to prove it, you can stay with me when I cook it." She smiled at him "Perhaps you could steer me in the right direction while you're here?" he asked vulnerably, remembering that he had no idea how to cook.

Gwen laughed at this, loving the fact that he always tried to fix his mistakes, even though he knew that he didn't know how to cook.

"Of course I'll help you," she laughed.

"Have you broken your fast yet?" he asked her. She shook her head.

"I was busy mending one of my dresses; I didn't have time to make anything."

"Good thing I'm here then, isn't it?" he smiled enthusiastically, clapping his hands.

"Actually, Arth... I mean, sire... I need to be getting to work. The Lady Morgana will be wondering where I am," she told him nervously.

"Of course, I'm sorry, I have kept you."

"No need to be sorry. If you like, you can come and visit me this evening and cook with me?" she offered, surprised by her own forwardness. However, the way Arthur was with people, it was difficult to see him as a Prince, rather than a dear friend who wanted to cook you dinner.

Arthur hopped over to the door and opened it for Gwen to walk out. She laughed when he even extended his hand out, as if she herself were nobility and not just a servant girl. She and Arthur walked out of her house together, shutting the door behind them.

* * *

Arthur sat around the huge rectangular table in his Father's council chambers- his fist was leaning against his cheek and he was leant to one side. Although he knew he should be interested in what his Father was saying to him and the knights, he wasn't. All he could think about was that evening when he would be able to see Gwen again and she would teach him how to cook. She really was a lovely girl, and he truly enjoyed spending time with her. There was something about her- the fast that she always challenged him maybe? She challenged him... just like Merlin used to.

And there is was again- whatever he did to try and forget about his friend, all thoughts always led back to him. He had made up his mind to erase it all from his memory, but he was failing miserably.

The blurry voices that he wasn't acknowledging in the background suddenly grew louder and he heard a very deep voice shout his name. He looked up instantly, a blank look in his eye. "Yes?" he said, hoping it was what his Father wanted to hear. Uther sighed with frustration and sat back down in his chair.

"You agree that we should introduce new taxes?" Uther raised an eyebrow at his distant son.

"No! I... I think... what? What was the question again?" he asked, confused. Uther sighed.

"Son, what is _wrong_ with you?" he groaned in annoyance "You've been somewhere else for the last hour. Would you like to share with us why?"

Arthur looked down at the table, trying hard to hide his blush. Like hell was he going to admit to the King and the royal court that he was daydreaming about cooking with a servant girl!

"I just have a lot on my mind sire," he eventually answered, hoping it would be enough. He sighed in relief when Uther simply waved his hand in indifference.

"Could you please try and concentrate Arthur!" he insisted.

"Yes sire," he answered.

* * *

Finally, the evening came, and Arthur practically ran to Gwen's house, and forgetting to knock, he barged right in, much to her surprise.

"Oh, I'm sorry Gwen... I didn't mean to..."

"... It's alright sire," she assured him with a smile "I didn't think you would come," she admitted.

"I said I would, didn't I?" She ducked her head shyly.

"You also said that you would cook me dinner before, and you brought one from the palace kitchens," she reminded him. He shifted slightly in embarrassment. "Sorry," she said "I didn't mean to make you feel bad by bringing it up. I was just teasing."

"I know," he said "It's ok." There was a momentary silence before Arthur offered, "So, shall we do some cooking then?" Gwen nodded sweetly and went over to the counter where she had already put a chicken to cook.

"So do you really not have a clue what to do with it?" she asked, trying not to laugh.

"Not a clue. You'll have to talk me through it." Gwen laughed a little, and started to wash the meat in the water she had collected.

"I can't believe you're actually cooking," she said after a while.

"Neither can I," laughed Arthur "I've never cooked for myself before. Merlin always used to say..." he trailed off, realising that he was thinking about Merlin, and the all too familiar pain in his stomach as he remembered his friend.

"What does Merlin say?" asked Gwen. Her voice seemed sympathetic, but Arthur was shocked to witness a little jealousy in her tone. Why on earth would Gwen be jealous of Merlin? Arthur shook his head. "Nothing," he said as he and Gwen continued to prepare the chicken.

"You can tell me," she said. Arthur shook his head again.

"Really, it doesn't matter. I was stupid to mention him, he's not here, right?" Just uttering the reality of those words hit home horribly, as if the knife Gwen was carving the meat with had just been lunged straight into his chest. He tried to remember that thinking about Merlin wouldn't bring him back to Camelot. Why was he thinking about him anyway? He was spending time with Gwen- he had been looking forward to this all day, and now he was in a sour mood because of his ridiculous sensibility.

His Father was right- he was becoming too soft. He needed to get his head out of the clouds.

* * *

Arthur took the two plates from the table after he and Gwen had finished their meal. "Thank you Arthur," she said as he got up "This was really lovely of you." He shrugged.

"Well, I promised I'd make it up to you, didn't I?"

"We should do it again sometime," she blurted out without thinking "Sorry sire," she immediately corrected herself "I forgot who I was speaking to. It won't happen again, I promise."

"Guine_vere_," Arthur said, in that voice that always made her calm down whenever she was talking too much "I'd love to have dinner with you again."

"You... you would?" Her eyes suddenly lit up as that all too familiar hope filled her heart once more. However, it was that same hope that allowed her to listen to Merlin and kiss Arthur, after which, she was left heartbroken.

"Yes I would," he said "This was very lovely. We couldn't tell anyone of course. You mustn't tell Morgana, ok?"

"Whatever you say sire," she said.

"Gwen, I think you can call me Arthur when we're alone."

"Ok then... Arthur," she said rather nervously. Arthur smiled at her softly, before making his way to the door. Gwen immediately stood up to bid him goodbye.

"I should be going Guinevere," he said as he stood with her at her front door.

"Of course," she agreed, although it would be sad to see him go.

"It was good to see you again Gwen," he told her in a low, but soft voice. She smiled sweetly up at him.

"It was good to be seen," she agreed. The hope was by now fully imbedded in her mind, and even if he said that he hated her there and then, she couldn't get rid of the optimism.

"Will you promise me that you'll tell no one of tonight?" he asked.

"You know I won't," she reassured him.

Plucking up all the courage she possessed, she dared to stand up in her toes and bring her lips to the Prince's. She waited for him to pull away and leave, ashamed and angry with her, but it never came. He simply welcomed her brief and soft kiss, before smiling at her and opening the door, disappearing into the night.

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**Before I start getting hatemail, I do not ship Arwen... this is just a little subplot to keep a little suspense in the story. I am 100 percent a Merthur shipper**

**Please R&R as usual. Great hugs to all those who did. Wish me luck for 2morro please fans- history test AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH**


	11. Arthur: Old Emotions

**Hey guys, just a quick note, the trailer for my story in now available on youtube under the same name as my fanfic. No spoilers, so don't worry. Check it out if you have time, and tell me what you think...**

Chapter 11: Old Emotions

"Good morning My Lord," said Edward as he greeted the already awoken Arthur. This had never happened in the short time that he had been working for him. He didn't want to say anything, in case the Prince fired him again.

"Never have you been more right Edward," said the Prince. He was far more cheerful today than he had been in the past.

"Would you like your breakfast sire?" asked Edward, ignoring the Prince's sudden good mood.

"Yes please." Did he just say please? Something was certainly up. Edward placed the breakfast tray he was carrying on the table and Arthur skipped over to sit down a nd eat.

"Are you feeling ok sire?" Edward asked.

"I feel great!" the Prince shouted in joy. He quickly ate his meal, getting up as soon as he had finished. He was eager to get down to Gwen's house. He had planned a surprise for her, and he wasn't going to waste any time. He looked over at Edward, who was now making his bed.

"Take the rest of the day off Edward. I will not need your services today."

"Um..." he started, unsure of what to say "Sire, but I need to dress you. Your Father is bestowing a knighthood onto one of your men today."

"Of course! I completely forgot," Arthur exclaimed, his back now turned to his manservant "I don't suppose you could get me out of it, could you Mer... I mean Edward." He felt extremely uncomfortable at the slip up he had just made, and tried to pretend like it hadn't happened.

"I could try sire," Edward said behind him. Arthur refrained from turning round, to prevent Edward from seeing the blush that had crept into his cheeks.

"Thank you," he said quickly, before leaving his room.

* * *

Arthur went straight to Morgana's chambers after he left his room. She was sitting at her dressing table in her nightgown, brushing her hair. Arthur laughed as he came in.

"I knew all you did all day was brush your hair," he said, making his presence known. Morgana turned around in shock.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked.

"I came to tell you that your maidservant will not be in today- she is ill." This was a complete lie, but Arthur needed a way to get Gwen off work for the day.

"She was feeling fine yesterday; I don't see how she could have gotten sick." Why did Morgana always have to be so annoyingly perceptive!

"Well, I think there's been a bit of an illness spreading in the lower town. I've heard a few of the servants aren't feeling well; my manservant is quite poorly as well. I gave him the rest of the day off so he doesn't contaminate anyone."

"How do you know she's ill?" Morgana asked suspiciously.

"Edward told me- he saw her this morning," Arthur covered up. It seemed to be enough, and Morgana just waved her hand, dismissing the subject. "I'll see you later then," he told her as he left for Gwen's house.

* * *

Gwen was on her way to the palace. She was running quite late, but she knew Morgana wouldn't mind. She was a very kind and gracious mistress. More of a friend than a mistress.

As she walked up the road to the castle, she was shocked to see Arthur coming down the path towards her. "Sire?" she asked as he came up to her.

"You are not going to work today Guinevere," he told her.

"But I have to- Morgana..."

"...Morgana thinks that you are ill and in bed at home. I'm taking you out today Gwen." She truly believed that she was dreaming at this point. Arthur Pendragon, Prince of Camelot had gone to the trouble of getting her off work just to spend time with her?

"Are you ok?" Arthur asked, noticing that she was becoming distant.

"Yes... I... why would you do that?" she asked.

"Because I wanted to spend the day with you," Arthur said, a smile on his face. "We're going to the river for a picnic." Gwen's expression was still completely stunned, and this left her speechless. Arthur took her silence as a negative sign and his face dropped slightly.

"You... you don't want to go?" he asked, the disappointment visible in his voice. Gwen shook her head.

"No! Of course I do, it's just... I can't believe that you would do that for me." Arthur smiled and stroked her cheek. He didn't answer her, but she didn't need words to understand. "So, are you ready to go?"

* * *

It didn't take long before they arrived at the river, and Arthur laid out a blanket for him and Gwen to sit on. She hadn't said much on the ride down to the river, which he assumed was just nerves, or shock, or both. She was right to be shocked- after all, Arthur hardly ever did anything nice for servants. They only servant he had ever been nice to or gone out of his way to please or protect was... Merlin. And there he was again.

He truly thought that he would be able to forget about his friend. Maybe it was guilt that was bringing his mind back to his past manservant? After all, he hadn't _always _treated him well. There was that time when he poured water over him, when he had a thing for Sophia and Merlin kept getting put in the stocks because of it. Even when they had first met, Arthur acted like a total pig, showing off in front of his friends.

When he was with Gwen, all thoughts of Merlin seemed to disappear, but obviously not. Why would he be thinking about his manservant when he was spending time with a beautiful girl like Gwen? It didn't make sense. But then again, when did it make sense for a Prince to treat his manservant like his best friend. But that's what he was. Maybe the fact that Arthur had never told Merlin how much he meant to him that was keeping his mind on him. Merlin would always think that Arthur hated him, but that wasn't the case at all.

He honestly wished that he could free his mind of all these thoughts- they were pressing down on him like a huge weight, and it was a horrible feeling. Every time Arthur thought he had moved on from his friend's departure, something happened to make him remember him... and then he was right back where he was before.

Arthur looked over at Gwen and suddenly felt terribly guilty that he was thinking about Merlin when he was meant to be spending time with her. He leaned over to the girl and placed a tender kiss on her lips. She smiled when it broke, her eyes shining with happiness.

"You look so happy," Arthur observed. She nodded.

"I am happy Arthur. I'm happy when I'm with you." He smiled at that. He was happy when he was with Gwen. He wanted to believe that she was fully happy with him, but then he remembered a very real problem- Lancelot.

"Are you really happy with me though Gwen?" he asked as he bit into an apple. She looked at him, confused.

"Of course Arthur. Why would you ask that?"

"Lancelot." He didn't need to say anymore. The name Lancelot brought so many issues and problems. He had driven a permanent wedge between them and that hurt. He doubted whether he would ever forget the pain that he felt when he rescued Gwen only to find out that she was in love with Lancelot.

From that point, he was certain that he had lost her. But she knew all this. She didn't know what she felt herself. She knew that she loved both these men. But if she was to stare facts in the face, then she would know that the only thing that kept her and Lancelot apart was their absence. Gwen knew in her heart of hearts that Lancelot was the better man for her- Arthur's main focus was Camelot, and she doubted whether he could fully love a woman- love her like she needed to be loved. Love her like she knew Lancelot could and did love her.

She missed him. She missed him terribly, every day, and she felt guilty now for the subject to have entered the conversation. Why couldn't Lancelot have just stayed and been happy with her. Perhaps he didn't love her as much as she thought he did. Perhaps the fact that she was sitting with Arthur right now and not Lancelot showed her what fate had decided. She and Lancelot were not meant to be. "Lancelot is not here," Gwen stated, trying to keep her emotions hidden in front of the Prince. Arthur sighed and shook his head.

"Maybe not here," he said, referring to the surroundings they were in. Instead, he put his hand to her chest and said, "But he is here." There was no way she could argue with that. Although they would never be together, Lancelot would hold a permanent and special place in her heart- a place that she doubted any other man could replace. Not even Arthur, and he knew it as well as she did.

"Arthur..." she tried to explain.

"I understand," he whispered.

"But it can never be."

"And we can?" he asked, bringing forward another issue that had been keeping them apart. She shrugged. And let a tear fall from her eye.

"Why does it have to be so hard?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully "Guinevere, it's normal not to forget your first love... but you have to understand."

"I do understand Arthur." He looked down. He didn't know how to do this- he didn't know how to open up in front of anyone. Not Gwen, not his Father, not Morgana. Only to... no! He wouldn't go down that route!

"Gwen, this is hard for both of us, but I need to know how you feel. I'm being utterly unfair to both of us if I'm pursuing a hopeless cause," he explained. Gwen was silent for a few moments, before saying, "it's never been a hopeless cause Arthur. It never will be." The tone in her voice was completely genuine, and Arthur really believed what she said was true. He took her hand in his and kissed it lightly.

She needed to understand that Lancelot didn't love her anymore, or if he did, he loved her so much that he would not come in between her and Arthur. Why did he think that she loved Arthur more than him? Her thoughts were pushed to the back of her mind as Arthur kissed her again, this time with more passion.

* * *

Arthur helped Gwen off her horse when they arrived back in the town. The two of them walked back to her house in silence. Their day out had proved much more emotional than either of them had expected.

"I had fun today," said Gwen when they finally arrived outside her house "Thank you."

"No, thank you Guinevere. You have no idea how clear things are to me now. I had a lovely time with you." She ducked her head and blushed.

"I would kiss you, but..." she laughed.

"Yeah... that would look a bit surprising to the locals." She laughed again, but it secretly hurt her that she couldn't kiss the man she loved in public, like other women could. Arthur seemed to sense her sadness, because he told her,

"Don't worry Gwen- one day things will be different. I promise. Until then... I'll be seeing you."

"I'll be seeing you," she said with a smile. She wanted to kiss Arthur so much- to show everyone that she loved him and he loved her. The sun was setting on Camelot by now, and Arthur looked so beautiful, his face lit by the stunning rosy light coming from the sky. She fought her want to kiss her Prince, and instead, she opened her door and went inside, leaving Arthur standing outside.

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**I would have liked a few more reviews for the last chap, but I'll let you guys off, seeing as it's new year. I wanted to wait with this chapter, but, again, I'm too soft for my own good. **

**Try not to judge Arthur guys! Don't forget, he can't remember that he and Merlin kissed, and all he wants is too try and move on- wouldn't we all? Don't worry, I'm a fan of happy endings (which should give you a hint as to how this story will end!)**

**Please R&R!!!!! Lots of love Merlin fans!!!**


	12. Arthur: Morgana's Surprise

Chapter 12: Morgana's Surprise

Arthur woke up the next morning feeling on top of the world. He had rarely had a feeling like this, and he loved it! Edward came into his room to find him already awake and dressed for the second day in a row, which really surprised him. He gave the Prince his breakfast and watched as he ate it in silence. Something was definitely on his mind.

Arthur went straight to Morgana's chambers that morning, this time to find her already dressed and reading a book on her chair. She looked up when she noticed him come in and shut her book with a smile.

"Come to tell me that Gwen can't make it in today?" she asked, sarcasm literally dripping from her voice. "It's very lucky for her that she got well so quickly... after all... she was so ill yesterday, that she couldn't even come into work." Arthur never knew what to answer when Morgana used _that _tone with him. That, _You are so up to something and I know what, but I'm going to extract it from you using sarcasm and watch you embarrass yourself _tone.

"It's very lucky indeed," he said, having no explanation prepared. Morgana smiled knowingly, letting him off the hook. "So is this a social visit?" she asked.

"No, I just... is Gwen here?" he asked. This seemed to surprise her a little.

"No, she's doing the laundry with the other servants." Arthur nodded his head.

"Good... because I wanted to talk to you," he said nervously "Can I sit down?" he asked.

Morgana motioned for him to sit down on the bed, and she joined him, crossing her legs on the mattress. She never did this unless she was alone, or if she was with Arthur. She knew she didn't have to put the demure Princess act on in front of her own brother.

"So what's wrong with you? You were so cheerful yesterday, and now look at you."

"No, I'm still cheerful... well, not _very. _I'm just really nervous."

"Why?" her voice was full of genuine concern by now.

"It's difficult to explain," he told her.

"I'm in no rush Arthur, you can take as long as you like," she assured him.

"I... look, Morgana, you of all people know I'm not good at talking about this sort of things. About my feelings, I mean."

"I know. It's alright." She put a comforting arm around his shoulder, urging him to tell her what she had suspected for some time.

"I... I think I'm in love Morgana." She smiled knowingly.

"I know," she said softly. Arthur looked up.

"You... you do?" this had thrown him off guard.

"Yes, of course I do."

"Well... that's shocked me to say the least. I was trying my best to keep it a secret." Morgana let out a laugh.

"Arthur, please. Anyone why spends less than ten minutes with you two can see how you feel about each other. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"I... thanks."

"That's alright. Love is a strange thing. God knows I've seen it change you. You were such an arrogant prat before... _you know who _came into your life." She tapped her nose, not revealing the name in case of eavesdroppers.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes. Actually, I'm so relieved that you've finally come clean about it. I thought it was going to tear the two of you apart."

"It very nearly is," he admitted "Sometimes I don't know whether I'm coming or going. When we're apart I get so lonely." Morgana smiled sympathetically.

"I know it must hurt a great deal. Especially... now that you're so far apart. I know it must be hard for you. But I'm sure it will work out for you in the end."

"Um... you know we're not actually that far apart Morgana," he laughed "She's only downstairs." Morgana frowned in confusion and sat up.

"She... what?" she asked, completely confused by now.

"Gwen. She's only downstairs. She's not that far away." Morgana felt like a huge weight had just hit her straight on the top of her head. He was talking about Gwen? He was in love with Gwen? When did this happen? She had never seen them together. She was sure that Gwen had a thing for that man that came to Camelot some time ago... what was his name... Lancelot!

"I... um... are you sure?" was the only thing she could say. Arthur laughed.

"Of course I'm sure! I know how I feel Morgana."

"But, I thought..." she stopped herself before she walked straight into a danger zone. She knew how upset Arthur got at the mention of Merlin's name. Good God, she had no idea he was talking about Gwen, and was still recovering from the shock.

"You thought what? Morgana, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine... you're in love with... Gwen!"

"Yes..." he said.

"Oh My God!" she sighed.

"Don't worry, everything's alright, why are you panicking like this?"

"I don't know... don't worry," she said.

"I want to ask her to marry me Morgana." Morgana at this stood up from the bed in shock.

"What!" she exclaimed. Arthur looked quite surprised at her reaction to his news.

"You don't think it's a good idea?" he asked.

"No, I don't think it's a good idea Arthur! Since when are you two even... you know."

"To be honest, I don't even know. It just sort of... happened."

"Arthur, this is such a bad idea. You want to marry a woman that you don't even know why you love?" She didn't mean any of what she was saying. She didn't want Arthur to marry Gwen because he knew it would the biggest mistake of his life. She knew that he loved Merlin. Why was he doing this? Just because Merlin wasn't there, it didn't mean that Arthur had to go and marry someone else.

"I know it sounds stupid Morgana, but you have to trust me. I can't explain how I feel, but I know that she makes me happy. I'm happy when I'm with her. She... I don't know... she challenges me, you know? But in a good way. I like it that she's... she's like..."

"...Like Merlin," Morgana finished for him, finally realising the reasons for Arthur's affections. Gwen was the most similar thing to Merlin that Arthur knew, and that drew him to her. Gwen was opinionated and strong willed, like Merlin. She stood up for what she believed in and was one of the bravest people knew, just like Merlin. But the most important thing was that she knew how to love and care about people in a selfless way, like Merlin. She now understood why Arthur needed Gwen like this.

But she wasn't Merlin. No one was like Merlin. Arthur was in love with Merlin, not a copy of Merlin. She needed to convince him out of this at any cost. She knew he would regret it for the rest of his days if he ever saw Merlin again.

"I know it's hard for you Arthur, but it may help if you talk about it."

"I don't know what you mean Morgana. Merlin was my manservant, and yes... I'll not deny that in the time I've known him I've developed a certain fondness for him... I suppose he was my only true friend. One who didn't take advantage of my position and trying to extract things from me. He just treated me as... me." He looked up quickly, realising he had said way more than he wanted. He swore he would never admit that Merlin was his friend.

Morgana seemed to sense this, and came to sit back with him.

"Arthur, it's ok to miss a friend." _Or someone you're in love with _she thought "I suppose you're missing your best friend so much that you're trying to fill his space with a wife you reminds you of him. I don't think it's a good idea. You might regret it."

"You have no idea what I would regret or want," Arthur retorted, putting up his emotional barrier again. He had not wanted this conversation to steer towards Merlin, but it was too late now.

"Arthur, please think about this," she nearly begged him "Once you marry someone, it cannot be undone."

"Come on Morgana, I know that!" he rolled his eyes.

"Arthur... are you sure that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? You've known her such a short time."

"I'm sure Morgana." There seemed to be true sincerity in his voice, which both surprised and worried her. Why had Arthur forgotten about Merlin so easily? She was certain he loved him- it was obvious. Then why was he casting him aside like this?

How little she knew.

"Arthur, it's not just the short time, there are so many things you have to think about," she tried to win him round to sense.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like your Father." Arthur let out a laugh.

"To hell with my Father!"

"Arthur, you know he can stop you marrying Gwen. He's the King, and your marriage must be approved by him." He seemed to acknowledge what she was saying, as he let out a short sigh of agreement.

"Then I will convince him to change his mind." She laughed at that.

"Have you met you Father recently? When has he ever been able to be talked round to anything? He wouldn't even listen to me when I wanted Gwen rescued from the kidnappers. What makes you think you could talk him into letting you marry her?"

"Morgana, I don't know!" he sighed, the situation obviously getting to him "All I do know is that I want to be with her. I do." This did not sound so convincing. Arthur was coming undone. Or so she hoped. She leant over and gave Arthur a loving hug and whispered into his ear,

"Arthur, you'll do as you will, I can't stop you doing anything," She sat back up so she was looking him in the eye "But I'm begging you- please think about this. Don't do anything rash."

Arthur looked down, not wanting to meet her pleading, but demanding gaze. He didn't want to think. He had avoided thinking for so long. Thinking always led him to one thought...

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**I was so happy with how many reviews I got for ch 11!!!! You have a very proud and happy author. **

**Again, don't worry Merthur fans, things go alright in the end. This whole Arwen scenario needs to be explained to understand Arthur's psychology at this point, and why he wants to be with Gwen. Hopefully this chapter explained everything I hoped... if not... I'm not a very good writer!**

**Plus, I was really excited about writing Morgana into the story finally! I really like her character, as she always talks Arthur into the right decision. For those of you who also like her, she'll feature a lot in the sequel.**

**R&R as usual Merlin fans, and till next time!**


	13. Arthur: An Unexpected Return

Chapter 13: An Unexpected Return

Morgana was wrong- totally wrong. Arthur knew that she meant well, but hell, it was like having a mother around! He had known Guinevere long enough to realise that he was in love with her. He had known her... a few months. Surely that was more than enough time to fall in love with someone?

Or maybe Morgana had a point. Maybe he needed more time to think about it. He knew that his feelings for Gwen were real, but he wondered whether her feelings were returned with the same sort of strength. This was the only worry he had about proposing to her- the rejection. He would wait. He would wait and think about this properly. Perhaps he was being a bit reckless. He needed to talk to his Father first and get his approval.

* * *

Gwen had been given the day off by Morgana, who was visiting her Father's grave with Uther. She hoped it would prove a better trip than they had taken last time when the two of them were nearly killed. Gwen so seldom had the day off that she didn't know what to do with herself.

She thought of other day when Arthur had got out of his way to spend time with her and smiled at the memory, but then it dawned on her that Arthur had not been back to see her since that day. Had she done something wrong? Had she said the wrong thing?

She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and just told herself that the only reason he hadn't come down was because he was busy- he was the Prince after all, he had better things to do with his time than to visit a servant girl. But if that was the case, then did he really love her? She missed him terribly when they didn't spend time together, and now that she would have the whole day to herself and be lonelier than ever without him.

To take her mind off Arthur, Gwen decided to take a walk down to the well and fetch some water in the hope that Arthur might be out and she might run into him. She wrapped a purple shawl around her small shoulders and left her house with the heavy bucket.

The well wasn't that far of a walk from her house; thank God, as once Gwen filled her bucket with water; it was almost too heavy for her tiny body to handle. She lugged it back up to her house, spilling bits along the way, until her house was finally in view.

Arthur had not been in town- not that she had expected that he would be. She felt so confused. The other day by the river, Arthur had seemed so forthcoming and eager, and now it was like he was ignoring her completely. She knew that her feelings for Arthur were completely irrational, but she couldn't help it. The way that he smiled at her sometimes, or just the fact that he was so nice to her, even though she was just a servant, made her feel like she was actually worth something. She loved him- of course she did. But she wondered whether her feelings were met by him. He had so many duties, so many worries that came with his title. That was his main focus, and she knew that.

She didn't want to think about Arthur any more. It was clear that he wasn't as interested as she was. There was a bigger chance of Merlin returning to Camelot and declaring his love for her than Arthur. She laughed out at the thought as she carried on up the path with her bucket of water.

As she transferred the heavy bucket into her other hand, her purple shawl that was lying on her shoulders blew away from her back with the light breeze. She groaned in frustration, "Damn."

As she turned around to prepare to run after her scarf, Gwen's actions were halted by the sight of someone else already picking her scarf up for her. She started to walk towards the person, not in any hurry now that her scarf was safe, but as she came nearer, she gasped and dropped her bucket, completely oblivious to the fast that the bottom of her dress was totally soaked.

The man in front of her smiled sweetly, a smile she loved and knew too well. She felt her eyes well up and tears fall down her stunned face, which was still fixated on the sight of the man standing in front of her. She was frightened. Frightened that this wasn't real. Oh God, surely this couldn't be a dream. His features looked so real- his dark hair, one strand hanging loosely across his face. His smile was so real. He seemed too real to be a dream.

Gwen sighed, breathing for the first time since she laid eyes in him. She opened her mouth, daring to utter his name.

"Lancelot," she whispered, not sure if he had even heard her. She needed to hear it for herself. Hear it for herself. The sound of his name seemed so beautiful now that he was right there. Waiting for her to say something or do something. But she could barely think, let alone move.

It wasn't until Lancelot moved closer to her to give her her scarf back that she moved, her arms trembling as she extended it towards him. As she took it, her hand made slight contact with his rough skin, making her gasp- _this really was real_, she thought. _He's back. He's come back to me. _

Once these words were fixed in her brain, she opened her arms out and screamed, running straight into his arms, not caring if anyone saw them like this. Ignoring Lancelot's laughter at her sudden enthusiasm, she brought her lips onto his, tears pouring down her face as she felt his strong arms pick her up off the floor and spin her round, their lips still locked.

* * *

Gwen brought the pot of steaming tea over to the table where Lancelot was sitting and sat down opposite him. They hadn't said much since she had seen him in the square. She was too stunned- had too many questions. She wanted to know why he had left her like this without a hint of his whereabouts. Even thought she had missed more than she could say, she was angry with him. Or at least, she wanted to be angry with him. But as soon as she looked at him looking up at her like _that_, like she was the most important thing in the world to him, she knew she couldn't be angry with him.

Gwen drummed her fingernails on the side of her cup and took a sip. It was more difficult talking to Lancelot again than she would have imagined. Especially because of... because of Arthur and everything that entailed. She didn't know if she should tell Lancelot about Arthur. But he already knew didn't he? That's what Merlin said. But he didn't actually know how she felt about him. Or how she used to anyway. Whenever she thought of Lancelot's return or seeing his face again, all feelings for another man disappeared. But what would Arthur say when he found that Lancelot had come back? Gwen needed to break the silence. She asked the only question that came into her mind.

"Where have you been all this time?" Lancelot shrugged.

"Nowhere special. A few nights ride away from Camelot. But..." he stopped himself.

"What?" she asked.

"I couldn't stay away," he admitted "I'm sorry." Gwen shook her head in disbelief.

"Don't be sorry! Why would you be sorry?"

"I promised I wouldn't come between you and Arthur. I know that you love each other," he hung his head low in shame "And now I fear I have ruined everything." Gwen extended her hand and took Lancelot's.

"Lancelot, you haven't ruined anything. I..." she didn't know whether to lie to him or not "Arthur and I... were in love. At least I think he was in love with me. I... I suppose it's difficult not to like him, I..." she felt so guilty admitting her feelings like this in front of him, but he didn't look fazed.

"It's alright. I understand," he told her "It's normal have your heart torn between two people Gwen. It doesn't make you a bad person at all." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Really?" she asked her voice more vulnerable than ever. He shook his head.

"Of course it doesn't. Do you think you're the only person who's ever been in love with two people at once?"

"I... I don't know... I just wish it wasn't like this..." she let a tear finally fall down her cheek "I love you Lancelot," she admitted, and was shocked at what a rush those words gave her- how much relief they gave her, that she took a deep breath. I do not think I am in love with Arthur- not the way I am in love with you. You... you are special. It's because of you that I have been getting up every morning and facing the day- hoping for your return." Lancelot looked away at these words.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed. She believed him.

"Don't Lancelot. What's in the past is where it should be. Way back there. You're back. I can't believe you're here!" she smiled at the realisation "In my house drinking tea with me!" He laughed at that, kissing her hand gently, like he had done the first day they met. A flood of memories came back to her of that day. She had been so happy.

"Why did you come back?" she finally asked.

"To be with you. I told you, I couldn't stay away." She smiled at this.

"You... you won't leave again, will you?" he asked, her voice tearful again. He shook his head again.

"I will never leave you again unless you ask me to."

"That is not likely to happen," she laughed "Do you even have anywhere to stay?" she asked, realising that he hadn't told her.

"I shall rent a room in an inn until I can find somewhere else. I was hoping to visit Merlin, perhaps he could help me." He looked at Gwen's saddened expression and asked, "What's wrong."

"Merlin... he's not here anymore."

"Not here? Where did he go?"

"He went back to his home village earlier this week," she told him.

"Why? He had such a good life here. Why would he just leave?" It didn't make any sense to him. Gwen shrugged.

"I think it was because his mother was ill, but I'm not sure what's going on. Arthur refuses to talk about him. You should see his face whenever someone mentions Merlin's name."

"Angry?" asked Lancelot.

"No, more... I don't know. Sad I suppose. Guilty, regretful, something like that. He... he came to visit me earlier in the week. Arthur that is. He came, and he started talking and when he mentioned Merlin, he just stopped. I'll never forget that, it was complexly surreal. He was so happy, he said 'Merlin always says...' and then he just trailed off. I can still remember his face. He looked so upset."

"Really?"

"I know, I don't know what to make of it. I mean, I always knew Arthur was closer to Merlin than his pride would allow him to admit, but I didn't think he would miss him _this _much. It's... it's like he's died and now he's mourning his death. No one mentions his name around his. It's like a danger zone. He just shuts down."

"That is strange," Lancelot agreed "You are worried about him," he observed. Gwen winced a little at this.

"Everyone is," she said. This wasn't a complete lie "No one knows how he will behave next. Three new servants were fired just this week." This surprised Lancelot even more. Gwen just shrugged it off.

"I just hope that everything turns out ok for him. I do still care a great deal for him. Whatever happened or happens between us, he'll always be in my heart. I don't want to see him upset."

"Me neither," agreed Lancelot "From what I remember of him, he was a good man. I good friend I should imagine. I wish I got to know him better."

"Well you will," she told him "Just beware not to mention Merlin's name."

"I won't." He smiled at Gwen and kissed her hand again. God she had missed him doing that. It made her feel so special. She just stared at him in saw for what seemed like forever, just drinking in the sight of him in front of her. She would have to get used to him being there, but that wasn't something she was about to complain about.

"I should be going," Lancelot said as he stood up reluctantly.

"Don't go, please," she begged him, making him laugh.

"I won't be far," he told her.

"Why... why don't you just stay here?" she asked, feeling nervous at her request.

"I don't think that would be a good idea Gwen. People might talk."

"I don't care," she said. She was beyond modesty. She had waited for him forever and she wasn't going to let him leave.

"Gwen, it's ok, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll take you somewhere, ok? You'll have something to look forward to," he grinned sweetly at her as she reluctantly shrugged in agreement. He laughed and tilted her chin up.

She waited in anticipation for his kiss, but when it came, oh God, it was so much better than what she had expected. The last time they had kissed, she had been sure that she would never see him again. She was running for her life. But this kiss was just too perfect for any imagining. She sighed into his kiss and when he left her mouth; her eyes were still closed in wonder and utter love.

When she looked back up at him, Gwen was almost startled at the way her was looking at her. It was a look that Arthur had never given her. This look was one that Lancelot was giving his true soul mate.

"Goodnight Guinevere," he said, before disappearing out the door.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Sorry for the long wait Merlin fans (well, long by my standards anyway!) this chapter just did NOT want to cooperate! Maybe it's because Lance hasn't been in much of the show, so I wasn't sure how to write him. I hope I got him right!**

**Points to all those who guessed it was his arrival in this chapter (be honest now!)**

**Stay tuned and R&R as normal please!!**


	14. Arthur: Arthur's Heartache

Chapter 14: Arthur's Heartache

"No, not that one, it doesn't suit me," said Arthur as Edward took another jacket off Arthur as he stood in the mirror. This was the fifth jacket he had tried on this morning, and Edward was getting quite annoyed.

"Pass me the blue one again," Arthur asked, and Edward reluctantly put the blue coat on the Prince's broad shoulders. Arthur turned around once, then twice, before shaking his head and removing the jacket. "Too dark," he said, tossing the jacket aside.

"May I ask what has put you in such a... fussy mood this morning sire?" asked Edward as he picked up the disposed jacket.

"Oh, you have no idea Edward. You have no idea how it feels to be in love!" Arthur sighed.

"I'm sure I don't," he agreed "Who is the lucky lady my Lord."

"Never mind that," Arthur quickly said "I need to find something that makes me look good. I'm going to be seeing her later today."

Edward sighed. This was going to be a long morning.

* * *

"Lancelot, will you please take your hands off my eyes," laughed Gwen. Lancelot's promise of doing something special for her certainly hadn't gone unfulfilled, and he had made something very special for the start to her day. He took his hands off her eyes and showed her her house, which was alight with candles and glowed a brilliant shade of orange. On the table, there was a meal set out with a bunch of flowers in the middle and flower petals.

Gwen gasped at the beautiful sight that was her usual, boring house, and turned to give Lancelot a kiss. He smiled and motioned for her to sit down, "My Lady," he said in that voice that she loved. She giggled and sat down. This felt so much better than when she and Arthur had been eating together. For some reason, Gwen felt that she had always hidden apart of herself from Arthur- with Lancelot, she could always be who she truly was- Gwen. She took a deep breath as the aroma of the freshly cooked breakfast in front of her washed through her senses.

"You never told me you could cook," she commented, as she took a morsel into her mouth.

"I'm sure you have many hidden talents I have yet to discover," he smiled.

"I wouldn't be fooled, I'm not that talented. I can tell you anything you want about armour, and I can sew. That is as far as my abilities extend."

"I'm sure you're just being modest." She shook her head.

"I'm really not. I'm quite boring actually. You'll regret coming back to me," she laughed "Sure you don't want Morgana instead? You can always change your mind."

Lancelot laughed and kissed Gwen's hand.

"I'll never want anyone ever again my dear." Gwen felt a shiver run down her spine when he called her that. She had never been called that by a man- ever, and it felt wonderful to hear it from Lancelot.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked. Gwen huffed in disappointment.

"I have to go to work Lancelot," she said.

"Oh yes, of course." His disappointment was evident, but he didn't say anymore "I should really start looking for work here myself. I don't suppose Arthur needs another servant?" he joked.

"Don't say that Lancelot. Don't forget, Arthur was going to knight you before you left Camelot. He may bestow your knighthood again."

"I don't think so. Uther would never allow it," he said solemnly.

"I'm sure we'll find a way to get you knighted Lancelot. I know how much you need it."

"That doesn't matter. It is out of my hands."

"I'll do what I can," she promised "But I can't influence Arthur very much."

"But it's not Arthur who needs the influencing," he reminded her.

"True," she admitted "But I'll do what I can, I promise."

"Thank you Gwen." She smiled at him, and found herself staring at him again mindlessly. She was doing that a lot recently.

"I should be going," she said, cursing the fact that work time was approaching. They both stood up together.

"Would you like me to walk you to the palace?" he offered.

"That might not be such a good idea Lancelot. Arthur might see you. I think it's best if I see him first and... Explain things to him." Lancelot nodded.

"Good idea," he agreed.

"Thank you for a wonderful breakfast. It was the nicest time I've ever spent at breakfast. Normally it's just me and it's rushed."

"Well in that case, consider it done every morning!" he clapped his hands together, making Gwen giggle.

"Well... I'll see you later," she said.

"Later," he agreed, watching her disappear behind the oak door.

* * *

After Arthur had finally made up his mind on what to wear, he made his way up to Morgana's chambers. He would finally pluck up the courage to propose to Gwen. He didn't care what anyone said- Morgana, Uther, anyone. He had decided and nothing would change his mind. He assumed that Gwen would have already made it to the palace by now, unless she was running late. He decided to stop at Morgana's room first to be sure.

He walked up the steep stairs leading up to her room, but just as he was about to knock on the door, he found it wasn't shut, only pulled too, and he could hear voices from inside. It was Gwen and Morgana talking.

Arthur's mischievous side decided to wait outside and find out just what girls did talk about all day.

"So how was your day off?" Morgana asked Gwen.

"Ah, you know. Ok."

"You're hiding something Guinevere," Morgana teased "What did you do yesterday?" Even though he couldn't see Gwen, he was sure she was feeling nervous by now.

"If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone, especially Arthur? I want to tell him myself." Arthur leaned further in to hear what Gwen's secret was that she didn't want him to know about.

"It's just that no one knows he's back." Arthur's first instinct was to think of Merlin (of course it was). Who else could it be that 'came back'? But surely he wouldn't be hiding from Arthur, would he? Surely he wouldn't go to Gwen's first? He listened more to hear who it was she was talking about.

"Who's back Gwen?" Morgana asked curiously "Is it Merlin? Is he back?"

"No, of course not!" Arthur felt a twinge of pain rush through him at those words, but continued to listen.

"It's Lancelot," he heard her whisper. _Lancelot? Oh No!_

"Really?" asked Morgana.

"Yes. He was in the square yesterday. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it was him."

"Wow."

"I know," Gwen squealed like a little girl.

"You've always had a fancy for him, haven't you Gwen?" Morgana asked.

"I love him," she told her bluntly. This hit Arthur like a blunt knife. What was Lancelot thinking strolling back into Camelot as if he had not abandoned Guinevere like that? What was Gwen thinking in betraying Arthur like this? That is how he felt- betrayed.

He realised that there was nothing he could do now to win Gwen back. Her love for Lancelot had always been stronger than anything, and he just had do accept it. He bit his lip hard to prevent himself from shedding a tear. He had never cried over a woman in his life and he didn't intend to start now.

The worst thing was that now he had no one. No one to comfort him and no one to even love. Well... he had Morgana, but she could never understand. She had never been in love and she would never understand the loss and the pain that he felt right now. He wanted... he needed a friend. He needed Merlin.

This _did _make him cry. Only one tear, but a tear none the less. He stood up straight and pulled back anymore that might escape his levees. Taking one last look at the door, Arthur slowly walked away, leaving the girls to their conversation.

"I'm so happy for you Gwen!" Morgana said, moments after Arthur had left. Neither of them knew that he had been listening, and so did not understand the damage they had caused.

"You know... I have a secret to tell you too. About Arthur." Gwen shuffled in her seat.

"Tell, tell!" she said, excitedly.

"Well... he came in here yesterday and said he wanted to propose to you."

"Oh no!" Gwen cupped her mouth in guilt and turned away "Oh no, this is going to destroy him!" she whispered.

"Arthur's a strong man, he'll be alright," Morgana assured her "Don't you remember Lady Sophia?"

"Yes, but this is... different. She was... weird." Morgana laughed.

"Yes, she was. But what I mean is, you can't feel guilty over choosing the person you love over the person you don't... when Merlin returns, Arthur will realise that too." Gwen looked up at Morgana.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Don't you see it?" she asked, amusement in her voice. Gwen shook her head.

"They're in love!"

"Arthur and Merlin?"

"Haven't you noticed?"

"Well... I always knew they were close, but... well, yes, I suppose you're right!" she laughed. "That's why he's missing him so much."

"Well, that's the thing Gwen, I don't understand why he would want to propose to you, when he is in love with Merlin. He was been since he came here."

"Has he ever said so?" she asked.

"He doesn't have to. You can tell from a mile away!"

"I suppose so," she agreed. Then it dawned on her. Of course! How could she have been so stupid!

It was Merlin that had broken the spell that Arthur was under. When she had kissed Arthur, the spell wouldn't break, and it must have been Merlin. Merlin's kiss! Then why was he not with Arthur? Why had he left?

"Why?" she whispered, unaware that she was thinking out loud.

"Why what?" asked Morgana. Gwen came down from her thoughts.

"They kissed!" she blurted out "That's why he left, not because of his mother!"

"Gwen, are you feeling alright?" Morgana asked.

"No, listen, they did kiss! When Lady Vivian was here, Arthur was head over heels for her, do you remember?"

"How could I forget?" she laughed.

"But it wasn't real."

"How do you mean?"

"He was drugged- enchanted with love juice."

"Are you sure? Do we know who did it?"

"I don't know who did it, but I'm positive that Arthur was enchanted, Merlin told me. He said that only Arthur's true love's kiss could break the spell and he told me to do it. But it didn't work."

"But... Arthur isn't enchanted anymore?" Morgana observed.

"Exactly!"

"So they must have kissed?"

"Exactly!"

"But then why would he leave?" It didn't make any sense for Merlin to leave if he had kissed the man he loved. Something was seriously wrong.

"That's what I can't figure out. Surely they would be together?"

"Maybe he was afraid." Gwen shrugged.

"I suppose he's trying to hide the fact they kissed. We must never mention it," Gwen warned. "Who knows what he'd do."

"Right- we don't say that we know... although, if he ever admits it, I am going to have such fun teasing him about this!"

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**AAARRGHHH What am I doing, giving you this chapter so early (hold me back) hope you guys are happy with it!!!**

**I really feel sorry for Arthur in this chapter, bless him!!! Don't worry Arthur, Merlin isn't far away!!! (well, a few chapters away)**


	15. Arthur: Arthur's Dream

**You guys really deserve this!! we've reached 100 reviews!!!!! I really love you guys, and please keep reading!**

**Please note: Arthur's dream here is not mean to be one of his 'memory dreams', it's just a normal dream**

**Points to those who can spot my 'Merlin video diraries' reference in this chapter!**

Chapter 15: Arthur's Dream

Arthur had never had problems sleeping before. Well, apart from the time just before Merlin left, he had been kept up by strange blurry dreams. But apart from that, he had always been a hard sleeper.

However, tonight, he just couldn't get his mind to rest and sleep. He couldn't understand so many things. Today had been an awful day. It was ironic- almost cruel, that this day was meant to be full of happiness for him and Gwen and it ended up in heartbreak. Why would Lancelot just come back all of a sudden and steal the love of his life from him. It wasn't fair. It was Arthur who had to pick up the pieces after Lancelot had left Gwen in the forest with him and Merlin.

"Oh God, get out of my head!" Arthur said out loud. He would rather be thinking about Gwen's betrayal that Merlin right now. He couldn't deal with this now. As if being jilted at the proposal wasn't enough for one day, he needed to have his thoughts clouded with something even more depressing and sad.

But the more Merlin entered his head, the more he realised that it was making him calmer. His body was relaxing and he felt at ease for the first time that evening. All feelings of anger towards Lancelot and Guinevere were washed away as he tried to concentrate on Merlin.

He thought of the first time they had met. Arthur hadn't been particularly friendly to him, and he always felt guilty about that. Soon after that, Merlin had become his manservant, much to Arthur's initial disappointment. But it wasn't long after that Arthur learned all about the endearing qualities that he had. He had started to find him very funny actually- very sweet. He'd often hear the servant girls, and even Morgana talking about how wonderful Merlin was and how they all loved him. Of course he didn't believe them at first, but as time went on, he realised that Merlin was pretty special.

Before he knew it, Arthur soon felt his eyelids become heavy and soon after, he fell into a deep sleep, filled with Merlin.

_Arthur was stood in the banquet hall. Beyard of Mercia and his Father were finally signing the peace treaty that would put an end to war between their two kingdoms. _

"_Beyard laced Arthur's goblet with poison," he heard Merlin say. He remembered this. It had been one of the worst days of his life. He was sure that he was going to lose his best friend. He didn't want to re-live this. It was horrible. _

_He saw Merlin's face as clearly as on the day that he put that chalice to his lips. He fell to the floor, his body completely limp and his eyes closed. Arthur ran to his side, not caring whether the entire royal court saw him leaning over his manservant like this. _

_He couldn't understand why his Father could be so cruel. Why he wouldn't let him go after the antidote._

"_Have you never cared for a friend so Father?" Uther looked up, shocked._

"_I never searched for friends among servants Arthur, and you would do well to avoid it," he warned._

"_Servant or no Father, your best friend was sent into battle on you command and died. Is that the way I should treat a friend?"_

"_Don't you are preach to me Arthur!" he shouted "You are the Prince and you will not treat these servants as your friends. You are not leaving this castle tonight and that is final."_

_That wasn't final. Of course Arthur would go after the antidote. What sort of a man stood by and watched someone die when they knew they could save his life. _

_Everything seemed blurred for a moment, and then he was back in his chambers. Was this the same day? Was Merlin ok? Arthur ran as fast as he could to Gaius' chambers to see where Merlin was. _

"_Is he alright?" he asked as he stormed into the physician's room. Gaius and Gwen were sitting at a table together, both obviously crying._

"_What's wrong?" Gwen looked up first and came up to the Prince, with such anger in her eyes, that it even scared the brave Arthur. He felt her hand make contact with his face with such force, that it knocked his neck right back and made his eyes water. She then started hitting, slapping and punching the Prince with no mercy, only stopping when Gaius pulled her off him._

"_What's wrong with you Gwen?" he asked, now looking down at her as she fell to her knees and cried uncontrollably. Gaius came down to her level and helped the girl back up, holding her while she cried. Arthur was more confused than ever._

"_Maybe you should leave sire," Gaius suggested._

"_But I don't understand... why is Gwen so upset?"_

"_HOW COULD YOU!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, making them both jump "HE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A COWARD. YOU KILLED HIM!" Arthur shook his head._

"_I don't know who you mean! Who died?" he asked. Gwen shook her head in disgust._

"_MERLIN!" she shouted. Arthur's eyes widened in shock, his head spinning with the name that had been yelled at him._

"_But... how?" was all he could manage in his stunned state. _

"_Sire... don't you remember?" Gaius asked. His voice was clearly angry, but he was much calmer that Gwen, who was still crying. Arthur shook his head. What had he done?_

"_Merlin was poisoned. Don't you remember?" he asked. _

"_Yes... but I got the antidote... I went..."_

"_No you didn't!" Gwen spoke up again "Don't you dare Arthur! Your precious Daddy told you not to go, and you more that agreed. YOU SAT UP THERE IN YOU R ROOM WHILE MERLIN WAS HERE DYING!"_

"_What?" Arthur asked. He would never do that. He would never leave Merlin to die "When did this happen?" he asked._

"_No more than a couple of hours ago," Gaius said. He stood aside so Arthur could see the bed at the end of the room where Merlin's pale and frail body still lay._

_Arthur walked slowly and silently to the boy, as if he expected him to be asleep and he would wake up, saying to Arthur that it had been a joke and that he had got him good. But he didn't wake. He could see that there wasn't a hint of life in him. _

"_Don't you dare touch him," Gwen warned. Arthur felt hot salty tears fall down his cheeks. He had never cried over anyone. He always said that no man is worth your tears, but here he was, crying like a girl. Despite Gwen's words, he extended his hand and touched Merlin's cheek. The last thing he remembered was feeling ice cold under his fingers. _

Then he woke up with a scream that would have woken the dead themselves. He touched his head. It was wet and sweaty, and his heart was racing.

But as he looked around and realised that he had only dreamt it, he took a deep breath of relief and lay back again against his pillows.

It didn't make any sense that he should dream about Merlin at a time like this. He had been left by Gwen. Surely that would be on his mind? But it wasn't.

Edward came rushing into Arthur's chambers soon after he woke up, causing Arthur to roll his eyes. "Are you ok sire?" he asked "I heard you scream."

"I'm fine Edward; I just had a bad dream. Go back to bed," he groaned as he turned away from his servant and pretended to sleep. Once he heard his leave the room, he opened his eyes. He couldn't go back to sleep. Not after what he had just seen in his dream.

He had never given it much thought as to what he would do if Merlin actually died. He never knew how he would react. In front of Morgana, or Gwen or his Father, he would obviously put on a front and comment on him being much missed, but nothing else.

When he had seen Merlin lying there, pale as death, completely lifeless, for some reason, it felt like a part of him had gone with the boy. Oh, now that was stupid! That's something like what a wife might say to a husband, not he to his manservant.

He laughed at his ridiculously sentimental thought, and tried to clear his mind of everything so he could get some sleep before morning.

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**As I've said, you guys are amazing! Over 100 reviews, I still can't believe you guys like this story so much! I never expected it to be this popular, so thank you. **

**So, Arthur is starting to think about Merlin more and more. Will he ever come back? Of course he will!**

**5 chapters to go till the end, so stay tuned Merlin fans!!!**


	16. Arthur: The Winner Takes It All

**A little surprise for all of you at the end of this chapter!!!**

Chapter 16: The Winner Takes It All

Lancelot had come into Gwen's house very early the next morning, when it was still dark. He crept up to Gwen's bed and gently woke her up, smiling as she stirred in her sleep.

"Wake up Gwen," he whispered. She moaned and opened her eyes slowly, looking around in the darkness.

"Lancelot," she whispered in shock "What are you doing here?" she asked "What time is it?"

"It's not yet sunrise. You have to get dressed and come with me quickly."

"Why?"

"Don't ask, just get up, please?" he asked her. She sighed, but dragged herself out of bed. She washed and dressed in record time, and when she was finally ready, Lancelot led her out of the house and to a horse that was waiting outside. He helped her up onto the animal, before getting on it himself.

"Lancelot, will you please tell e where we're going?" she asked impatiently, her sleepiness wearing off and being replaced with excitement.

"You'll see soon enough," was all he told her, as he kicked the horse lightly to make him move.

The ride didn't take very long, and soon they rode up to a beautiful lake, surrounded by great, tall, white mountains. Gwen was so taken aback by the beautiful sight that she didn't even realise when Lancelot grabbed her waist and pulled her down from the horse.

The water was completely still, like a mill pond, and the white mountains reflected off it, leaving only a small circle of blue water in the middle. But the most beautiful and stunning sight was the view of the sun.

The sun was just rising, and half of its golden rays poked out the top of the mountains, extending across the white peeks. The sky behind was a mixture of so many colours, it was difficult to keep count. They blended into each other as if the most skilled painter had arrived here before them and drawn this scene for them.

"How did you know it would be like this?" Gwen asked, finally coming down from her sense of awe.

"I didn't," he answered "I hoped we would get here in time. These mountains are famous for giving the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets." Gwen smiled at him, still amazed that he would come all this way just to show her this.

But then she realised that she still didn't know why they had come here. As if reading her mind, Lancelot said, "I wanted to show you this... so you would remember this day forever. I wanted something to make a permanent stamp in your memory.

"What's so special about today?" she asked. He looked so nervous by now. He took her hand and kissed it.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

"Of course I know. I love you so much."

"I know... which is why I want to ask you something..." Gwen's eyes widened in shock.

"Oh God," she said, realisation creeping into her voice. Lancelot ignored this and continued to talk.

"Guinevere, ever since I met you, I knew you were the woman for me. You are so beautiful, it shines from you, and I love you with all my heart. I honestly don't know what I can do to prove myself worthy of you."

"You've already proved it to me Lancelot... by loving me." She was crying by now as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

"I can't think of any way to prove to you that I love you... other than..."

"Yes?" she sighed.

"To... to ask you..." he stopped, looking deep into her eyes. She could see how scared he was about this, and took pity on him.

"Say it. Say it Lancelot," she whispered to him.

"Marry me?" he asked, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. Gwen smiled, new tears pouring down her face. She had pictured this scene in her mind so many times, and now to hear those words out loud was too much for both of them.

"Yes," she whispered. Then her eyes lit up and she laughed out loud "Yes!" she screamed happily, throwing herself onto her fiancé, knocking him to the ground. They both let out a huge laugh as Gwen asked if he was ok.

"I'm fine," he laughed. She smiled, and kissed her future husband.

* * *

Gwen was just too happy for words. She never dreamed that within a week, her soul mate would return to her and that she would be engaged to him. It was as if everything that had ever gone wrong in her life was being heeled in this one short time.

She and Lancelot rode back to Camelot, just in time for the sun to have fully risen. He and Gwen ate their breakfast quickly, before she kissed him goodbye and rushed off to make it to work on time.

Morgana was still in her nightgown, and reading a book in bed. "I'm sorry I'm late My Lady, I was... I overslept." Morgana raised an eyebrow.

"Gwen you're a terrible liar. What were you really doing? Would it have anything to do with our charming young knight?"

"He's not a knight yet My Lady. But I hope so."

"So it is about Lancelot then?" Gwen sighed and came to sit next to Morgana.

"He proposed to me," she admitted with a blush. Morgana screamed with excitement as she hugged her maid tightly.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you!" She truly was happy for Gwen, but inside, she was also happy that now Gwen was engaged, Arthur couldn't marry her, and that meant they could focus on getting him and Merlin together.

"You know, I've been thinking about Merlin," Morgana said.

"Me too," Gwen admitted "We need to try and bring him back so Arthur can tell him how he feels." Morgana nodded in agreement, and then gasped in realisation.

"Of course!" she exclaimed.

"What? Have you thought of something?"

"Yes! It's so simple! And you and Lancelot can help."

"Us? How can we bring Merlin back?"

"Invite him to your wedding."

"Morgana, I don't think that'll work. He obviously doesn't want to be near Arthur. I doubt he would come just for a wedding. Even though I'd love him to be there, and I'm sure Lancelot would too."

"Exactly! Merlin knows how much he means to you two. You're his best friends. I'm sure he would come, even if just for the wedding, and then we can work from there."

Gwen thought for a moment. Could this really work? Would Merlin really come just to be at her wedding?

"How would I even let him know?" she asked.

"You could ask Lancelot to ride out to him and bring him back," Morgana suggested.

"You really think it would work?"

"I'm sure it would. Anyway, what are you still doing here?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Surely you don't feel like spending your engagement day working for an old witch like me!" she joked. It wasn't till the words had left her mouth that she laughed inside at the use of the word 'witch'. How very true that was.

"But it's my job. I work for you."

"Not when you've got a very bored fiancé sitting at home. Now go, I'll manage." Gwen smiled at her mistress. She was so lucky to have such a kind one who didn't take advantage of her or misuse her. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said, before leaving the room.

* * *

"Well, this is a surprise," Lancelot said as Gwen came back home, a huge smile on her face. "Come sit down," he said. Instead of taking the seat opposite him, she came and sat on his lap, kissing him fiercely.

"I love you, you know?"

"I know." She kissed him again, and stayed on his lap, enjoying being held safely by his strong arms.

"I'm so happy," she said after a while.

"So am I," he agreed.

"But I would be even happier if we were married." Lancelot laughed.

"We only just got engaged Gwen!"

"I know, but I want to be your wife Lancelot. I want you to be able to hold me like this without fear of scandal. I want you to be able to live with me in the same house so I can wake up with you every morning."

"I want that too." He smiled.

"So shall we get married?" she said.

"When?"

"The end of the week."

"Are you sure? That's not that far away."

"We don't need a big wedding. We're simple folk after all," she laughed "And there's only a handful of people I would like to be there... one of them would be Merlin." Lancelot nodded.

"I had a feeling. I would like him to be there too- to be our witness."

"It's the least we can do after all that he's done for us."

"I agree."

"Who do want to be the other witness?" he asked, stroking her hair.

"Morgana- if she'll do it. She may not be allowed. But I'll ask."

"Whatever you want my dear," he said sweetly "Where do you want to get married?"

"I don't care. I'd marry you even in a pig sty." He looked at her and laughed "Alright, maybe not a sty, but you know what I mean," she giggled.

"I think here in your house would be better, like everyone else normally does"***** he laughed. She nodded in agreement "We still have so much to organise."

"Such as?" she asked.

"We need to get you a lovely gown to wear. I want you to feel like a Princess."

"You already make me feel like a Princess," she said as she kissed him.

"I need to try and find two blue ribbons." *****

"That's true."

"I'll sort that out. In the meantime... would you- would you go to Ealdor?" she asked, hopefully.

"Of course I will darling. Anything for you." He gave her a peck on the nose, making her giggle. He stood up, picking her up off his lap.

"Let's get down to work then, shall we?"

* * *

By the time Lancelot had left for Ealdor, the news of their marriage had spread all over the town, and everyone was congratulating Gwen on her betrothal. Three days later when Gwen made her way to work, it seemed that the whole castle would be turning up to her wedding. She asked by at least half a dozen people that morning if they were invited, and she agreed willingly. Once in a while, someone would call out "I'll try and catch the garter!" making her blush.

One person whom the news had reached that morning was Arthur. He sat in Morgana's chambers, her arm round his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Arthur," she told him solemnly "She wanted to tell you herself, but it just spread so fast."

"I'm alright, really," he said "I just wish she could have been more honest with me, that's all."

"I'm sure she never meant to hurt you Arthur," Morgana tried to tell him.

"I know. When's the wedding?"

"By the end of the week. Lancelot... he... had to travel back home to bring an old friend as a witness." Arthur nodded, not noticing Morgana's hesitance at her lie. He looked up at her and her heart broke for him. He looked like a lost boy, not sure where to turn or to whom. He smiled up at her and said, "The winner takes it all, right?" he said, the tone of his voice indifferent but full of obvious pain "The best man won. At least I've still got you, eh?"

"You'll always have me Arthur. Never forget that. And never forget that it's ok to say how you feel. It doesn't make you weak if you show that you're hurt."

"It does in my world," he laughed "One sign of weakness on the battlefield and you're dead."

"You're not on the battlefield Arthur."

"It feels like it," he admitted "But worse, because this, I have no control over. I can take control over the situation when I fight. I could do nothing here. It was her choice. She made it happen."

"I really am sorry. I wish I could do something for you."

"But you can't," he shrugged his shoulders "Just one more day and it'll all be over. I'll be alone again." _No you won't _thought Morgana, trying her best to keep her secret just that.

"You look so tired," she commented, noticing the bags under Arthur's eyes.

"I didn't sleep well last night- bad dream."

"Another one?"

"It's not like that, I promise. Just a normal nightmare. We all get them sometimes Morgana."

"Tell me about it," she mumbled, rolling her eyes "Why don't you get some rest now?" she suggested. He shook his head.

"I'm fine. I'm going to go for a walk," he said, as he got up and left, leaving a very concerned Morgana behind.

* * *

Arthur couldn't remember the last time he had just taken a walk- but God, did he need it! His head was so full that he could barely think straight. It wasn't Gwen's fault that she chose Lancelot. Of course it wasn't. But she could have at least told him herself. Surely she couldn't not have noticed how Arthur felt about her?

Without even realising it in his daydreaming state, Arthur had walked straight past the castle gates and into the town. He was about to turn back, when he saw a familiar face riding his way on a horse. He felt a twinge of anger run through him at the sight of Lancelot's face, and it took all of his self control not to walk over and confront him. But that would not boost his reputation in front of his people, so decided to leave him be.

Another horse rode up next to him, and on it, Arthur saw a skinnier figure riding it. He looked back towards the two of them, his mouth slowly dropping at the sight of the man across the square. _This can't be real_ he thought.

**END OF BOOK 2**

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**duh duh duh!!! There you go fans! I hope you're happy!**

**The last book will only be four chapters long, but full of lovely Merthur goodness, so stay tuned, won't you? By the way, please note that I had to do quite a bit of research for Gwen and Lance's wedding, seeing as I have no idea what goes on in a Medieval wedding.**

**If any of you are interested where I got my research from, I'll post the link with my next chapter so you can look up anything you don't understand.**

*** Betrothal ceremonies would take place at the house of the bride and the village would gather to celebrate the day, and perhaps give the couple gifts of wooden utensils or other tools**

*** Blue was the traditional colour of purity in medieval times, and the bride and groom would wear a band of blue ribbon**


	17. Only One Man Is Worth My Tears

**BOOK 3: MERTHUR**

Chapter 17: Only One Man Is Worth My Tears

Merlin was less than thrilled about returning to Camelot. Of course, he had missed everyone so much- Gaius, Gwen, Morgana, Lancelot, and of course, he missed Arthur. He had missed him so much. When Lancelot had come to Ealdor and told him that he and Gwen were getting married, Merlin was truly stunned. He had truly believed that Arthur would propose to Gwen.

But then the selfish side of him started to kick in at the thought of anyone possessing Arthur like that- _his _Arthur. No! He wasn't his Arthur anymore. He couldn't be so childish and stupid about the whole situation. It was all over. He wouldn't even see Arthur during his stay in Camelot. He would attend the wedding and then he would leave as quickly as he could, trying to avoid Arthur in the process. Yes, that was a good plan. If he avoided Arthur, then he wouldn't be able to act like an idiot and break the memory spell by accident. He assumed that Arthur would not be at the wedding. After all, he was the Prince; he couldn't just come to a servant's wedding, even if he wanted to.

But, as always, nothing was that simple. As soon as Merlin had ridden into Camelot and laid eyes on that pratish Prince of his, he was lost. Avoiding something as beautiful as that was going to be very difficult. Especially as Arthur had been staring at him like he was just the most amazing thing he had ever seen. Or like a blind man who had just been given his sight back. Yes, he looked almost blinded by Merlin's sight.

He tried to make it look like he hadn't seen Arthur, and simply followed Lancelot's horse to Gwen's house, where she greeted the boy with a huge hug.

"I missed you so much!" she squealed "we all did."

"We did," Lancelot confirmed "All Gwen could talk about was how much she wanted you to be our witness." Merlin blushed at all the attention he was getting.

"Well, I'm so happy for both of you. You..." he started to say, but regained himself before he burst into tears "You're very lucky to have... found your soul mate and be happy with them," Merlin finally said. The horrible relation to his own life that those words brought made him tense up, not going unnoticed by Gwen.

"Are you ok Merlin?" she asked "You look a little pale." He laughed out loud.

"I'm always pale Gwen, thanks for rubbing it in." She giggled a little at that.

"I meant you look a little ill. Do you want to lie down?" she offered.

"No, I'll be ok. A cup of tea would be appreciated though." She smiled.

"Coming right up! You just sit down and relax. You must be exhausted.

"I am," he admitted. It was a very long ride from Ealdor, and he and Lancelot had made as few stops as possible to make it back before the wedding tomorrow.

"So how are the wedding plans going?" he asked as he sat down on Gwen's bed. She looked back at him from the sink and answered,

"Really well, it seems like the entire town will be coming."

"At least you know you're popular," he said.

"True. But it's quite a surprise, seeing as he only asked me to marry him at the beginning of the week."

"News Travels fast in Camelot by the looks of things," he laughed as Gwen brought a steaming cup of tea to him. He took it gratefully, not realising how cold his hands were before he touched the hot cup.

He wanted to ask them so much. He knew they wanted to ask about Arthur- he wasn't stupid. He had just left with a lame explanation; of course they wanted to know more. He wasn't sure he felt like talking about it. He felt like such an idiot that he felt like crying every time someone mentioned Arthur's name. No wonder the Prince called him a girl on numerous occasions. When he and Will were children back in Ealdor, he would cry all the time, and Will would always say the same thing. "You know what my Father says to me? No man is worth your tears." He was right. But not really. There was only one man worth Merlin's tears. Arthur.

He tried to think back to how he had got himself into this situation. It seemed so long ago, and yet it wasn't more than two and a half weeks ago that he had kissed Arthur and erased his memory. He tried to think about what would have happened if Arthur had remembered the kiss. How would he react? If the Arthur loved him more than anyone, then surely it would be ok for him to kiss Merlin? If Arthur wasn't a Prince, things would be different. Merlin wouldn't haveerased his memory and they would be together. But Arthur had an obligation to hundreds of people above his obligations to his heart. He would have to choose between Merlin and the crown so many times, and he knew that it would hurt him. Merlin would never see Arthur hurt just to satisfy his own heart. And then of course there was the problem of Arthur continuing the Pendragon dynasty. That was more important than anything.

Merlin took a sip of tea, enjoying the feeling of the hot liquid run down his cold throat.

"Merlin?" he heard Gwen ask. He looked up with a distant look in his eye.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Where on earth have you been for the last five minutes?" she laughed. He laughed with her, but didn't answer as he took another sip.

"Merlin, you should get some rest. You don't want to be half dead at the wedding tomorrow, do you?" Lancelot asked. He shook his head.

"No, I don't. But I won't be able to sleep, so there's no point."

"Why not?"

"Too much on my mind," was all he said. He really didn't want to go into details. "I think I'll take a walk instead." He knew this was huge mistake the moment he'd said it. Going outside meant he had a chance of running into Arthur, which he did not want to happen. Or maybe he did? Maybe he was just telling himself that he didn't want Arthur to find out. To know everything, the kiss, the magic, everything.

Merlin shook his head and laughed as he walked out of the house.

The first thing he did was visit Gaius. He had not seen him for weeks, and he was sure Gaius didn't know he was returning. When he saw the boy enter, Gaius came and hugged him tightly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, smiling.

"Came for the wedding," he told him "How have you been?"

"Busy. Not having you here has really taken its toll. But you're back now, so..." he stopped, noticing the look on Merlin's face.

"I'm not staying Gaius. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow." Gaius looked at the boy in pity and put and arm on his shoulder.

"Is this about Arthur?" he asked. Merlin flinched at the sound of his name. "Merlin, you can't run from him forever. It's your destiny to protect him. You'll be brought together again soon enough whether you like it or not."

"We won't if I have anything to do with it. I can't protect him if he knows what happened, Gaius."

"Why not?" Gaius really didn't understand, did he?

"He will be forced to choose. Especially if he finds out about my magic. If I were to be with him truly, I couldn't lie to him. I don't think I could, anyway. It would make him weaker."

"Have you seen him recently Merlin?" He shook his head. "Maybe you should go and see him before you jump to conclusions about what makes him weak."

"What do you mean?" he asked, genuinely intrigued.

"When you left, he was moping around for days Merlin. I saw him in the council chambers, and he would just _sit _there. He was so miserable. No one was allowed to mention your name in his presents."

"He said that?" he asked, shocked.

"No, but we all got the message after he nearly burst out crying when his manservant mentioned you." Merlin felt a puddle form inside his heart at the thought of Arthur crying. He never thought Arthur was the crying type. It seems even the Prince could be moved to tears.

"You don't know how much it would mean to him if you went and saw him," Gaius suggested. Merlin felt tears forming in his eyes, and stood up, wiping them quickly.

"Stop, stop!" he shouted into thin air. He wasn't sure who he was talking to, but he wanted it to stop. He just wanted to stop feeling like... like _this_.

"Merlin, you really should."

"I can't! I can't look him in the face, knowing what I know. Knowing how much I love him! Knowing now how much he's been missing me, and knowing it's all my fault that I made him miserable!"

"Don't think of it like that Merlin."

"But it's true! Perhaps it would have been better if I had never come back. Or if I had never come to Camelot in the first place. We would have never fallen in love," he said, gritting his teeth, trying to fight back the tears. Gaius sat there in silence, not knowing how to advise the boy.

"I have to go," Merlin said. Gaius stood up.

"Will I see you again before you leave after tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't know," Merlin answered honestly before leaving.

He only made it down the corridor, when he heard a familiar low commanding voice say his name. He froze and swore under his breath as he turned around with a forced smile.

"Sire," he smiled as the Prince approached him.

He had no idea why it felt to good to see Merlin again. After all that happened to him in the past few days, he thought that he would truly be alone, but here he was. Merlin, his best friend in front of him, and didn't quite know how to deal with it.

He didn't know whether he should cry... of course he couldn't cry! How ridiculous! He had always taught his young knights that no man was worth their tears. But perhaps he was wrong. Now standing opposite his idiot of a manservant, he realised that there was only one man worth his tears. Merlin.

The perhaps he would hug him. But that would make them both feel uncomfortable. He knew he wanted to do something. Something to show how happy he was to see him again. He just ended up extending his hand and sighing when Merlin took it.

"I was just... and I saw you, and ... when you..." he babbled, realising he sounded like a complete fool "It's good to have you back," he finally said, letting go of his hand Merlin shifted uncomfortably. He really didn't want to break Arthur's heart like this and tell him he wasn't staying. But he had to.

"I have only returned temporarily sire. I will be returning to Ealdor after the wedding."

"Why?" the Prince asked. He had really put Merlin on the spot. What was the excuse he had used for leaving? That his mother was ill, or words to that effect?

"My mother is still ill," he simply said, hoping it would be enough.

"But... you came back?" Merlin gasped at how hopeful and vulnerable the Prince's voice sounded. Like a little boy waiting for something exciting to happen.

"Only for two days. The wedding," he repeated.

"Couldn't you... couldn't you just... stay?" Arthur asked, though it sounded more like a plea to Merlin's ears. He felt that all too familiar wetness in his eyes.

"Why?" he sighed.

"Because... well..." why did he want Merlin back? He realised that he didn't have an answer. He was just so used to Merlin being everywhere he was, that when he wasn't, it felt... odd. He wasn't sure how to explain this, so he simply said,

"I need a manservant. You were very good." Merlin laughed inside, knowing that that wasn't what Arthur was thinking at all.

"I'm sorry Arthur," he said.

"Merlin... this... this place really has been boring without you. I mean, _really _boring." _Please don't Arthur_ Merlin begged inside. "I've got no one to fight with," he continued, trying to build up a case in his defence. "Could you just stay for a while and see how you feel? As soon as your mother needs you again, you can go back, I promise. I just..." He wanted to tell him he missed him. He couldn't.

But Merlin didn't need him to explain. He knew what he meant, because he felt the same way as him. There was no getting out of this. With Arthur looking at him like that, he always agreed. That puppy dog eyed look that he didn't mean to do.

He could ignore Gwen's pleas, Gaius', even his mother's if he put his mind to it. But when Arthur was practically pleading him to stay, it was hypnotic. He found himself saying, "Alright then," before he had a chance to stop the words from escaping his mouth. He would do this for Arthur. He would stay for him, because he knew he needed him.

Arthur couldn't believe his ears. Had Merlin just said he was staying? He was coming back for good! He felt his whole body buzz with excitement as he jumped up once, then realising his enthusiasm, controlled himself, and put on a serious face.

"Yes, well..." he said, his voice now serious and authoritarian. "Now that that's sorted- my socks need darning, my shirt needs mending, my chainmail needs cleaning, my horse needs mucking out, my chambers need cleaning and sheets need washing." Merlin couldn't help but laugh. For some reason he loved Arthur most when he was being like this. Pratty and stupid. He knew he didn't mean it, and that's what amused him. Suddenly, the familiarity of his old life flooded back to him, and he forgot all about his worries and the fact that he was meant to avoid Arthur at all costs.

But why did this feel so much better?

Arthur smiled quickly; however, this smile did not last long, as he felt extremely dizzy. He heard Merlin ask something like "are you alright?" but he was to dizzy to hear him. He heard a fuzzy voice in his he, and as he shut his eyes to regain his balance, he saw something. It wasn't very clear, and his heads was still spinning. It was him. He was standing in a tent and he was kissing someone... who in God's name was it. He heard echoic words ring in his ears. But they were so unclear, as if he was underwater, "_I have not come to wish you luck_" He heard.

"What?" he said out loud, still grabbing his head, his eyes still shut. But he started to see the woman more clearly, _"Let me make amends"_ he heard again. He was kissing... kissing Gwen!

"What is this!" he gasped as his head stopped and he saw everything clearly again. "What was that!" he exclaimed, utterly terrified. Merlin seemed just as terrified as he was.

"What happened, Arthur?"

"She... Gwen... kissed... what!"

"You... you what?" Merlin asked, his breath caught in his throat.

"It looked so real! Why would I kiss Gwen?" he looked utterly delirious.

How could this be happening? How could Arthur have seen him and Gwen kissing? Merlin had done nothing for Arthur. They had only just met again. And since when could he see things while he was awake? It didn't make any sense at all! What had he done? Surely his return wasn't selfless?

Of course it was! _Merlin, you idiot!_ He thought. If course it was selfless! Merlin hadn't wanted to stay. Arthur wanted him to. It was starting all over again. He couldn't remember the kiss! But his memories were drawing dangerously nearer to the kiss. He and Merlin had kissed the next morning after what he had just seen.

"I have to go," Merlin said, before running off.

Merlin ran straight to Gwen's house, thankful that neither she nor Lancelot was home. He paced round the room for a moment, before kicking the bed in fury. How could he have been so naive? Of course, it made total sense for Merlin to act first and take consequences later. _Idiot _he thought. He tried to think of how he could avoid Arthur from finding out the kiss.

Thankfully, he hadn't seen any further than Gwen's kiss, so Merlin was still safe. If he could manage to act completely neutral around Arthur, it may work. If he would just perform his duties, nothing more or nothing less, maybe it would work. Surely he could manage that! Obviously not, judging from what had just happened. He lay down on the bed and shut his eyes, trying to block out all the worries that were floating around in his head, and soon, he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Gwen woke up the next day as excited as ever. Lancelot had gone to Gaius' the previous evening to wash and dress, while Gwen stayed at her house. Unfortunately, Morgana was unable to come to her wedding, something she wasn't surprised over, nor was she upset. She knew Morgana would wish her well when she returned to work.

Gwen had decided to wear the dress that her Father had bought her as a gift in the last days of his life. It meant an awful lot to her and she knew this was the perfect day to wear it. One of Gwen's fellow maid servants and friends, Elaine, had accepted to be her second witness, and she helped her dress. Gwen's hair had been left down, and decorated with fresh flowers, which made her look stunning.

Once she was dressed, Gwen went to her bedside cabinet and took out a small dusty box that she had been keeping for a while. She opened it and took out two pieces of an old broken coin. She turned to Elaine and showed her the coin. *****

"My Father gave half to my Mother when they were married," she told her "I'm going to give it to Lancelot." Elaine smiled and beaming smile at her friend and hugged her tightly, careful not to ruin the flowers in her hair. She turned around to take a band of blue ribbon from the table behind her and handed it to Gwen, who smiled and took it.

"Where should I wear it?" she asked her friend.

"Perhaps tie it in your hair?" she offered and turned Gwen around so she could tie a piece of dark hair up with the blue ribbon.

"You look like a Princess," she said. Gwen smiled, feeling like a Princess. They both heard a knock at the door and Elaine opened it, being witnessed by a crowd of people from the town, cheering at the sight of Gwen inside the house. They all came in, handing Gwen gifts of wooden utensils, for which she thanked them.

Once everyone had come inside, they heard the sound of a horse approaching the house, and Gwen's heart skipped a beat with anticipation. She saw her betrothed walking towards her, dressed in what she could see were his best clothes, Merlin following behind him with Gaius, who had also come to witness the couple's betrothal. Lancelot took his love's hand and kissed it, like he always did, and how she loved.

"I have something for you," he told her as he took a necklace out of his pocket. It looked very old, but it was so beautiful, containing a precious white stone in the middle.

"White jasper?" ***** Gwen asked, smiling.

"It was my Mother's. She was gentle like you. She wore this white jasper on her wedding day." Gwen smiled at his gesture as he put the necklace on her, loving how the stone contrasted beautifully off her smooth dark skin.

"You look stunning," he said, making her blush.

"So do you," she said. She took out half the coin that she had been keeping and gave it to him.

"For you," she told him.

"Thank you," he said, as if he was almost thanking her for loving him. He held the coin in his hand, while she held her half. Their free hands, they joined as they looked into each other's eyes. The townsfolk that were standing in their house went silent as Lancelot spoke,

"Do you wish to plight our troth now, before a witness?" he asked her.

"I do," she answered. He took a deep breath and spoke.

"I, Lancelot, in the presence of God, pledge my love and fidelity to you Guinevere, and take you to be my lawful wedded wife." She smiled up at him and spoke.

"I, Guinevere, in the presence of God, pledge my love and fidelity to you, Lancelot, and take you to be my lawful wedded husband."

"I will cherish you and devote myself to you as long as we both shall live."

"I will cherish you and devote myself to you as long as we both shall live," she repeated. She then saw Lancelot bending over to kiss her, and she accepted it eagerly, trying her best to cherish the moment of their first kiss as husband and wife. She couldn't even hear the cheers of the people in her house as Lancelot broke the kiss and just stared at her. "Good morning wife," he whispered so only she could hear.

"Good morning," she answered.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to pass in such a blur. Lancelot and Guinevere had gone straight to the church after their marriage, to have their union blessed by the priest, and walked out, being showered by seeds and grains, thrown by the townspeople as they made their way to the tavern *** ,** where Lancelot bought drinks for nearly every single man that turned up, having 'robbed' the men in Camelot of a possible bride.

Merlin decided to stay well away from the mead, knowing what had happened to him last time he had been drinking with Lancelot. In fact, he didn't stay long after the blessing in the church, and soon after they had arrived at the tavern, he hugged the bride and groom, excusing himself from the 'party'.

He didn't know what it was about the wedding that made him feel so uncomfortable. He assumed it what the fact that he was jealous that Gwen and Lancelot were able to do this- to hold each other in front of all those people, and kiss each other. He and Arthur would never be able to do that.

As soon as he arrived back in Gaius' chambers, he threw himself on the bed, exhausted from the morning's activities, however, his rest was short lived, as he heard Arthur's footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Merlin?" he called.

"Yes?" he groaned.

"I need you to do some chores for me," he said. Merlin sat up.

"What do you need doing?" he whined.

"My chainmail needs cleaning, my Father's bestowing a knighthood tomorrow, and I need it spotless." Merlin groaned.

"Couldn't you have told me this yesterday, when I wasn't so tired?" he asked.

"Yes, well, I didn't get the chance, did I? You ran off!" Merlin just shrugged. "Please Merlin; Edward is ill today, you have no idea how much hassle you would save me if you could just do it." He was doing it again. That voice and those eyes. He gave a frustrated growl and stood up.

"Fine! But only because you said please, you prat!"

"Good morning to you too!" he laughed, making Merlin laugh too. Arthur had missed this, even though he would never say it.

Merlin got up off the bed and made his way to the Prince's chambers to clean that blasted chainmail. The things he did for him!

*** Seeing as rings often could not be afforded among the lower classes, one tradition was for a broken coin to be given to the bride, with the husband keeping the othe half**

***Precious stones often had special meanings in medieval times, and let others know a person's characteristics. Gwen's stone means gentleness**

*** Another medieval tradition was for the guests to throw seeds or grains of wheat at the happy couple to wish them a large family/Grooms who were not local would traditionally buy a round of drinks for the young men of the village whom he "robbed" of a possible wife.**

**Nice long chapter for you guys, hope you like it. I know there wasn't MUCH Merthur in this one, but the next chapter will be really cute, I promise!**

**Here is the link for my medieval marriage research as promised: ****/ **

**IMPORTANT NOTE:**

**I'm really sorry fans to do this to you so near the end of the story, but I'm afraid I will not be writing anymore chapters or updating for another 10 days, as I have a really important history A Level exam next Wednesday that I need all my concentration on revising for.**

**Again, sorry for the annoyance, but the next chapter will be really cute (I hope!) so you have something to loo forward to!**

**Love you all, see you next Thursday!!!!**


	18. The Best Thing Is To Get Drunk

**I'm back Merlin fans!!!! And I'm soooo happy!!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A VERY DRUNK AND LOVABLE MERLIN. YOU ARE ENTERING FLUFF HEAVEN.**

Chapter 18: The Best Thing Is To Get Drunk

Arthur woke up early again the next morning, his eyes heavy with the little sleep he had got the previous night. He was so sick of going back to the way things were before when he got no sleep because of his nightmares. He was seriously contemplating asking Gaius for a powerful sleeping draft. Then again, they never did Morgana any good when she had bad dreams.

Noticing that Merlin wasn't there to give him his breakfast, he decided to dress himself and go down to Gaius' chambers to fetch him. When he got there, quite annoyed that Merlin had failed to turn up on time yet again, he took one look at the sleeping form on Gaius' floor, spread over the cold stone. Merlin had obviously fallen asleep the previous night after Arthur had asked him to clean his armour for the knighting that day. Realising that this was his fault, Arthur felt a rush of guilt wash over him at the sight of Merlin sleeping on his chainmail after he had been cleaning it all night.

Trying not to wake the sleeping boy, Arthur bent over and tried to get the heavy chainmail out from under Merlin's body, stifling a short laugh at Merlin squirming as Arthur tugged at the heavy armour. Unfortunately, despite Arthur's efforts to not wake him, Merlin groaned as he awoke and looked up.

"Sire!" he gasped, a hint of sleepiness in his horse voice as he lifted himself up to stand, losing his balance a little. Arthur laughed and caught him as he nearly tripped from having his foot caught in the chainmail.

"Merlin, you idiot!" he laughed.

"I'm so sorry!" he kept apologising as he stood up fully. His eyes looked so heavy and tired that Arthur felt his stomach melt in pity.

"Merlin, why don't you stay at home today, you look awful!" he commented, making Merlin frown.

"Thanks prat," he mumbled "I'll be fine. I'm awake now anyway." He yawned and looked up at Arthur, his eyes were almost pink with the fatigue.

"Well, I suppose that's that then," said Arthur "Once you've made your mind up, there's no swaying you."

"Glad you paid attention to something," Merlin muttered. Arthur smiled inside, never wanting to admit to the fact that Merlin's snidy retorts were music to his ears. He was so used to having Merlin talk at him and criticise what he was doing, that not having that constant annoying chatter was horrible when he had left.

Realising that he had creating an awkward momentary silence, Arthur smiled and patted Merlin on the back.

"Well, thanks," he said as he took the chainmail from his manservant "It was nice of you to do this." Merlin shrugged.

"It's not like I could have gotten any more tired than yesterday. Speaking of which, you look bloody awful yourself Arthur. Have you been drinking?" he asked. The Prince shook his head.

"Bad dream," was all he said. But it was enough.

"Another one?" asked a panicked Merlin, receiving a nod from Arthur. "But... how..." he couldn't understand why he kept having these memories. What in God's name had Merlin done since yesterday to provoke another dream. The armour! Was that all it too? For him to polish some armour? But that was his job! Well, he wasn't the Prince's manservant yet officially, but still... who was he trying to fool! He had been reckless and thoughtless, and had agreed to clean Arthur's chainmail even though he didn't have to. Was this ever going to end? He was wondering whether it was easier when he wasn't here.

His thoughts were cut short when Arthur cleared his throat. "So... will you dress me in my armour?" he hinted to Merlin. Did that count as a selfless deed too? He hardly knew anymore what was selfless and what was his duty.

"Does... does this mean that you're rehiring me?" Merlin asked, hoping that clearing up that issue would mean that he could do his chores without fear of his secret being exposed.

"Well, I'm _asking _you to return as my manservant, but I know you'll say yes, so, yes I'm rehiring you." Merlin smiled. Despite all his worries, it was moments like this- moments when he and Arthur could just be together alone that made everything else meaningless.

Any plans or qualms Merlin had about returning to Camelot were very real. Very real up until the point that he was near Arthur. It still hurt. Of course it still hurt. The very real and very painful events of the past few weeks were still fresh in Merlin's mind and were not likely to be erased any time soon. But Arthur was so different now. Being around him was just... nice. Instead of being the pratish Prince that always got on his nerves, Arthur had become the caring man that he had returned for. That he was laying his neck on the line for. I anyone ever found out what Merlin knew about the kiss, he would be executed without a doubt.

But God, it didn't matter. None of it did. Not when Arthur was smiling at him like that, completely oblivious to the beautiful love that they shared. It warmed Merlin's heart to see Arthur smile like that. He never wore this smile for anyone else. He only ever smiled like this with him.

"Merlin, are you still here?" he heard Arthur's voice say through his cloud of thought. He looked up quickly and nodded, making Arthur shake his head and laugh. He and Merlin made their way to the door, before Arthur turned around to face Merlin. He realised that he had never actually told Merlin this since he had been back, and this seemed like a good moment to let it out.

"You know..." he started, receiving a perplexed looks from Merlin "It's good to have you back. I don't think I told you yet." Merlin's entire face seemed to light up at this comment.

"It's good to be back," he agreed.

The feast for the Camelot's newest knight was as impressive and spectacular as ever. Merlin spent half the time serving Arthur and his new knight drinks of course, but soon after, he saw Lancelot and Gwen enter the hall inconspicuously, hand in hand. Merlin ran over to the two of them and hugged his friends.

"What are you two doing here?" he asked "shouldn't you be... I don't know, what do married couple normally do the day after their wedding?" Gwen laughed.

"They have fun," she told him "And this is fun." Merlin laughed.

"Not for me it isn't," he said "making sure Arthur's cup doesn't run dry isn't exactly my idea of a nice evening." The two of them chuckled knowingly. If only Merlin knew how much Gwen knew about him and Arthur's relationship, and more importantly how Merlin felt about his precious Prince.

"Listen, Lancelot, I'll try and put in a good word for you ok?" he said, with a true sincerity in his voice. Lancelot smiled.

"Thanks Merlin, but I doubt it'll make any difference now. Perhaps when Arthur will be King, things will be different." Merlin nodded, wishing so much that that would be true for everything. He wanted so much to say that not everything would be different, but he knew they wouldn't know what he meant.

"I know that he'll be knighted soon enough," Gwen said, taking her husband's arm "If there's any justice in the world, he will be." Merlin watched, astounded at the way that Gwen looked up at Lancelot. He had never really taken the time to see how much these two really were in love with each other. Gwen seemed to completely forget that there was anyone else in the room, let alone that Merlin was standing right next to them.

Merlin cleared his throat as he saw Arthur approaching them, and the two of them broke apart, bowing their heads for their Prince. The awkwardness of the situation was enough to make anyone feel uncomfortable. The look on Arthur's face was truly hard to judge. He seemed to totally ignore Lancelot's presence, and instead stared at his wife for a minute, a thousand different thoughts buzzing around in his head. He finally turned to the once noble knight and acknowledged his presence with a nod. It wasn't much, but it was a gesture that only the four of them understood. It was a gesture of acceptance on Arthur's behalf- letting Lancelot know that there were no hard feelings anymore. He could see how much he and Gwen meant to each other. Anyone could. After a momentary silence, Arthur said, " So, let's begin the drinking, shall we?" he clapped his hands loudly.

Merlin knew that he couldn't handle his ale. He never could. As Gaius had always put it, 'one whiff of a barmaid's apron and you're singing like a sailor'. It was all too true!

But Merlin had been a total idiot. He had promised himself that he would only stay in Camelot for the wedding and then he would return home. That promise had been broken as soon as Arthur had given him that long and pleading stare, begging him to stay with his eyes. That didn't really count as a selfless act did it? Maybe it did. It wasn't as if Merlin didn't want to be with Arthur in Camelot, but he knew it wasn't good for either of them, so in a sense, he didn't want to be there. The very fact that he was in Camelot right now was him being selfless. Oh, what a fool he was! Merlin had always been a sucker for those eyes and he hated it.

He had promised himself that he wouldn't accept Arthur's offer of becoming his manservant again, but after failing to give a good reason as to why, he was forced to have to accept Arthur's offer. That promise had been broken also.

But more importantly, Merlin had promised himself that he would not be especially nice to the Prince- that he would just do what he was told and nothing more or less. That promise had been broken the moment Merlin had agreed to stay and be Arthur's servant again. But as if that wasn't enough, he had for some bizarre reason, done Arthur a favour- _again_!

He would just never learn, would he? It wasn't like he could suddenly say that he had to go back, because his mother had suspiciously fallen ill again. He just had to stick it out and hope that he could avoid Arthur as best he could. Or even better- get drunk. And that was just what he did.

Arthur had been enjoying himself all evening, chatting to girls, drinking with his knights, and thanks to Merlin, could spend the rest of the evening free from embarrassment.

But now, the Prince noticed that his manservant was acting oddly. He was wobbling about all over the place and barely able to stand up still. Arthur laughed to himself as Merlin's complete incapability to hold his alcohol, and walked over to him.

"Merlin," he said "I think we'd better retire." Merlin looked at him, confused.

"Why _we_?" he slurred "why you? Why notjusme?" Arthur tried hard to hold in his laughter. He had never seen Merlin drunk before, and it was hilariously funny, if not totally adorable.

"I'm going to take you to my chambers so you can rest Merlin, you're about to collapse." Merlin looked like he was pondering the Prince's offer and then grinned his sweet grin and said, "Kay!" rather loudly.

"Shhhhh," Arthur said, laughing "Keep your voice down, come on." He tried to help Merlin regain his balance without anyone staring at them at the close contact.

Somehow, Arthur got Merlin back to his chambers. By now, he could scarcely understand a word the boy was saying, he was slurring so much. But, truth be told, it was music to Arthur's ears. Merlin had never sounded so sweet.

He took Merlin's arm, which had been round the Prince's neck for support, and plonked Merlin into the soft mattress.

"Are you okMerlin?" The boy nodded sluggishly, with a silly smile on his face. He suddenly reached out and grabbed Arthur's face tightly.

"Thanks Arthur!" he said rather loudly "Y'always lookin' after me!" he smiled. Arthur laughed and took Merlin's hands away from his face.

"You're totally and utterly pissed Merlin." He shook his head

"M'not!" he protested "Bet I'm sobererer than you!"

" 'Sobererer' are we Merlin?" he laughed "I think you need to get some sleep," he offered. Merlin shook his head violently.

"M'not tired." Arthur smiled.

"Well, I think you are you know." He sat down next to him, laughing when Merlin shook his head again.

"Y'jus wan me out th'way."

"That's not true," The Prince said, surprised at Merlin's words.

"Is!" Merlin retorted "I do stuff," he tried to explain "N'you jus think m'stupid, n' you call me names n'stuff." Even though Merlin was slurring his words terribly, Arthur felt that he really meant them and he was deeply hurt that that's what Merlin thought of him.

"Is that what you think of me?" Arthur asked. Merlin looked at him as if he was talking to a brick wall.

"No Arthur! _You _think that 'bout me. I'm nice t'you. I do stuff for you, n'stuff."

"I'm sorry if you feel like that," he said, hoping it would be enough.

"S'alright," Merlin shrugged "Used to it y'know. But, y'do do some stuff y'know. Y'drank that stuff for me. 'N y'got the flower n'stuff."

"I did that because I didn't want anything to happen to you." Merlin turned to face him, genuine awe in his face that was just beautiful.

"Really?" he slurred. Arthur nodded.

"Of course Merlin. You..." Arthur wondered whether it was a good idea to talk about this right now. Then he realised that Merlin probably wouldn't remember half of tonight in the morning. "You know that you're my best friend." He felt his whole being light up as Merlin smiled.

"Y'my bes...best friend too Arthur." Merlin hiccupped as he leaned against Arthur's arm and snuggled into his warm body, grabbing the Prince's arm in the process. For some reason, Arthur didn't reject this extremely close physical contact. On the contrary, we welcomed Merlin's embrace and put his own arm around his manservant, holding him safe.

"Miss'd you," Merlin mumbled.

"You too Merlin," the Prince admitted. It was the first time that he had said this out loud and was shocked at his own openness.

"Y'my best Prince." Arthur laughed.

"The best Prince?" Merlin nodded into Arthur's chest "In all of the world, or just here in Camelot?" Merlin thought for a moment.

"Whole world ever," he told him. Arthur laughed.

"I suppose I could say the same about you." He patted Merlin's dark hair.

"M'not a Prince," Merlin reminded him, mumbling into his clothes.

"No, but I still like you."

"Like y'too," he answered sleepily "M' mum said y'liked me."

"Did she?" Arthur asked, surprised that his mother would even notice. Merlin nodded silently.

"Said y're one side n'stuff. N'a coin or sumthink." Arthur tried to suppress his laughs, not even caring what Merlin meant by a coin, or whatever it was. He smiled as he felt Merlin doze off in his arms, and lifted him carefully to place him on his bed, covering him with the blanket.

He had never seen Merlin sleeping, and there seemed to be nothing special about it at first, but the more Arthur looked at his friend, his eyes were glued to the adorable sight before him. Merlin had by now scrunched his body up slightly to keep himself warm, and his hair had fallen in front of his face. Arthur was sure that he had never seen a more beautiful and innocent sight than that and he laughed when he started to hear Merlin snore.

He had not thought about where he himself was going to sleep, now that Merlin was lying in his bed. After considering sleeping on the floor for a moment, Arthur pushed that thought away as he simply moved Merlin's sleeping body to the furthest side of the bed, and lay down on the opposite side, facing away from his manservant.

He knew that this should have felt odd. But it didn't. It felt almost... comforting? Was it comforting to have Merlin in his bed? He had slept next to Merlin on the floor when they had been together in Ealdor, but this wasn't exactly the same, and here, he had a choice.

Of course, he had never planned for Merlin to fall asleep in his chambers. He had no idea how drunk he really was, and they were just meant to have a rest, but it seemed that the alcohol plus the wedding the day before had left him truly exhausted. But he wouldn't have woken Merlin now, even if he had to sleep on the floor himself. It was his fault that Merlin was so sleepy today, and he would let him sleep for as long as he wanted.

He turned his head round for a moment and smiled at Merlin sound asleep as he felt his own eyelids become heavy.

**It feels so good to be back now that history is gone till June!!! For any of you who do history A level, or who are vaguely interested, it went really well, and I got a really lovely easy question, so I am BUZZING right now! I would be even happier if I got one thousand reviews for this chapter, but that's not gonna happen lol!**

**By the way, having never been drunk myself, or never been around anyone who has, I have no idea if I wrote Merlin's drunkness that well, so please tell me if I did. I tried to just make him really sweet and innocent and cuddly. Tell me if you think it's too much all those of you who drink!!!**

**Stay tunned as usual please fans- two chaps to go!!!!!!**


	19. Sleep

**NOTE: After some thought, I decided to split this chapter into two chapters, after it turns our to be way too long, which means that this story will have 21 chapters instead of the 20 I had originally planned.**

Chapter 19: Sleep

Arthur wanted nothing more than to let Merlin sleep in his bed for the rest of the day and catch up on all his lost sleep, but he knew what would happen if anyone found him there. Nevertheless, Arthur prolonged the time to wake Merlin up by washing and dressing himself with unusual slowness. He just couldn't find it in his heart to wake Merlin when he looked so peaceful asleep on the bed.

But eventually, Arthur had nothing left to stall things with, and gently, he rubbed Merlin's arm to wake him. He laughed when he realised that Merlin was a very hard sleeper, and poked him a little harder to wake him. Merlin mumbled something that sounded like, "Go away Gaius, Arthur can wait." Arthur laughed at this and said,

"Arthur is already up and dressed." Merlin turned around to face the Prince, his face and eyes so sleepy. The expression on his face was just priceless. He truly had no idea why Arthur was towering over him, already dressed. He looked around for a moment, and realising he was in the Prince's bed, Merlin jumped up, despite his fatigued state.

"Why am I in your bed?" he exclaimed.

"Well... let's just say that you should stay off the mead for a while. It'll probably take you a while to recover!" Arthur laughed.

"I got drunk?" Merlin asked, his voice horse with his terrible hangover.

"Drunk is a bit of an understatement Merlin! You were utterly hammered!" Merlin looked away slightly in embarrassment.

"Sorry," muttered.

"No need to apologise," Arthur reassured him "It was quite funny really. You snore you know."

"I do not!"

"Do! It was like sleeping next to a bear," he complained.

"What do you mean 'next to'?" asked Merlin, slightly worried at how little he remembered of the previous night. Arthur suddenly seemed to grow quite shy at Merlin's question, which worried him even more.

"What happened?" he asked with a serious worried tone. Arthur pulled a funny face.

"I don't know what you were thinking of Merlin, but it didn't happen in here!" Merlin took a sigh of relief "You fell asleep, so I put you in my bed, but I wasn't going to sleep on the floor, so I slept in the bed too. I just pushed you to the other side so you would have more room," he explained.

"But... you could have just woken me up and told me to sod off to Gaius," Merlin pointed out.

"Don't be silly Merlin, I'd never do that!" Merlin eyed him suspiciously.

"Why?" he asked.

"Well... I didn't... I mean, not that I was _worried _about you... I just... you looked like you needed the sleep," Arthur finally said, putting on a glove to distract him from Merlin's beaming smile. He knew that Arthur was just being his usual self, and that he really did what he did to make Merlin feel better. That made him light up more than anything else.

"Why are you putting your gloves on?" asked Merlin only realising at that moment that Arthur was getting ready to go out.

"I'm going for a hunt. Would you prepare my equipment?" Merlin gave a short groan and began to gather Arthur's hunting gear. He truly hated hunting, but it was one part of his job that he just had to live with.

Once Arthur was dressed for the hunt, Merlin began to gather his things as well.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked.

"Getting my things ready for the hunt," answered Merlin, as if it wasn't obvious what he was doing.

"You're not going hunting Merlin," Arthur told him. This took Merlin aback almost as much as the day he heard that Arthur was cooking.

"But... I always go hunting with you. I'm your servant," Merlin reminded him.

"But you hate hunting." Merlin laughed out loud at this.

"It's never stopped you taking me with you before!" he told him.

"Yes, but today is different. I want you to stay here and take the day off. Don't think about getting used to it though!" Arthur warned, realising that maybe he was showing a little too much friendliness towards Merlin "Think of it as a little recuperation process before I start working you hard."

"Can't wait," Merlin muttered "Look, you don't have to do that, really. I don't mind it completely. It's quite funny watching you never actually catch anything."

"Be careful," Arthur told him, making Merlin laugh.

"Look, seeing as I'm already up and dressed, I might as well go." Arthur looked at Merlin totally bemused.

"But... why would you do that?" he asked.

"Because you want me to go," Merlin stated. Arthur laughed, but inside, he felt so happy that Merlin actually would go out of his way to do something he hated just so he could help Arthur.

"Besides... if I don't go, what are you going to be able to blame your crap hunting skills on? The wind? At least with me there, you can say it's my fault." Merlin shot Arthur his smug cheeky grin that he carried whenever he attempted to give Arthur a snidyremark. Arthur came over and gaveMerlin a small tap on the head for his 'cheek', and told him to meet him by his horse in five minutes.

* * *

"Arthur, we've been circling this area for three hours now," Merlin complained "Can't we move on, or better yet, go home!"

"Shut up Merlin," Arthur rebuked him "You wanted to come with me, no one made you." Merlin rolled his eyes as the Prince bent forward with his crossbow ready. After a few more minutes, Arthur decided that they should move onto another spot, and got on his horse to change location. They hardly ever spoke when they rode together. Or if they did, it was normally Arthur making fun of Merlin's horse riding skills, or lack of in this instance.

But today, Arthur seemed to be very chatty. So chatty in fact, that he didn't even realise whilst he had his turned to Merlin, that he was riding straight for a tree. Before Merlin had a chance to warn him that he was about to crash into the tree... he crashed into the tree. Quite viciously as well, and with a loud thump. Merlin screwed his face up and pursed his lips as he heard the painful sound of Arthur hitting the thick tree, and the clank of his armour as he fell off his horse, unconscious.

Merlin's expression soon changed and he rolled his eyes at the idiot lying on the floor underneath the horse. He got down off his own horse and took a blanket out of his satchel, and with a simple levitation spell, he moved Arthur into the laid out blanket and watched him 'sleep'.

* * *

Arthur felt himself wake up from what seemed like a very deep sleep, and touched his head as he realised he had a massive bruise on his forehead. What had he been drinking last night? But as he shuffled around where he was lying, he realised that he was not in his bed back in Camelot, but on what seemed like the cold hard ground. His eyes fluttered open slowly and he groaned as he slowly remembered what happened to him. He had been talking to Merlin and knocked himself out by walking straight into a tree. And he called Merlin and idiot!

Looking around, he noticed Merlin sitting nearby, playing with a stick and drawing with it in the soil around him. They had obviously been there a long time, as Merlin's pieces of art engraved into the ground were quite numerous. Upon hearing the Prince's moans of pain, Merlin immediately stood up and walked over to him.

"How long have I been out?" Arthur asked sluggishly. Merlin laughed.

"Long time!" he told him "Why weren't you looking where you were going you prat?" he asked. Arthur just shrugged and sighed.

"I can remember you talking to me," he said.

"Really?" asked Merlin, surprised at such a random comment.

"Yes. You were talking to me while I was asleep."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were Merlin, I heard you."

"No, seriously, I wasn't talking to you," Merlin persisted. He wasn't lying. He had sat by the Prince for the many hours that he had been lying there, but he hadn't uttered a word.

"Well then, how come I could hear you Merlin?" Arthur asked with annoyance.

"Maybe you were dreaming. I know I didn't say anything."

"Well, all I know is that I heard you asking me how I was feeling this morning, and I told you... God, what did I say?" Merlin wasn't even paying attention by now. The Prince had obviously hit his head harder than he thought. "... Something about me fighting for my lady." This made Merlin look up, astounded.

"What?"

"You heard what I said. Perhaps it was another dream of mine. I don't understand why I keep dreaming these things Merlin... but you know, don't you?"

"I don't know what you mean sire," said Merlin. He wasn't really listening to the Prince. He was more concerned that had Arthur woken up a few minutes later than he did, he would have remembered the kiss. What was Merlin thinking on coming on this hunting trip! Selfless deed, what an idiot!

"Merlin, look. I don't know what the hell's happening to me. I never got bad dreams before, and now they are tearing me apart. If you know _anything _about this, or how to stop it, please tell me. I'm begging you." Merlin actually looked Arthur in the eye as he said this, and that was his undoing. Arthur's pleading eyes were always his undoing, and he couldn't leave him without any explanation. Arthur must have been so scared and confused, and that thought was what made Merlin deicide to talk about the events of that day for the first time since it happened.

He took a deep breath to try and think how to tell him the truth without telling him the truth.

"I'll tell you..." he started.

"So you do know?" Arthur asked.

"Yes. When the Lady Vivian was here some time ago... you were drugged by someone during the feast. They drugged you with an intense aphrodisiac and Vivian too. You fell head over heels for each other soon after." Merlin hoped this would work, as he knew better than to tell Arthur he had been enchanted. Uther would raid Camelot the moment he would hear of it.

"Drugged? Why would anyone want to see us fall in love?" Arthur asked. Merlin shrugged.

"We will never know why sire. It was most likely a commoner who wanted to humiliate you. Whoever they were, they put it in your wine, and Lady Vivian's wine, causing you to fall in love. That's why you've been having these flashbacks to you two kissing."

"But... I don't remember any of it," Arthur reminded him.

"I know... Gaius and I were the only ones who knew you were drugged. After trying to find a way to stop it, we realised that the drugs had too strong a hold on you, and so we had to result to... alternate means."

"Which were...?"

"Gaius developed a potion that brought about temporary, moderate memory loss. You don't remember those two days, because we wiped them. We felt it was the safest thing for you sire. Olaf had already challenged you to a fight to the death by that point because he caught you and Vivian kissing."

"But... how am I remembering these events now? In my dreams and even when I'm awake?" Arthur's head was spinning with all the information Merlin was giving him and he couldn't believe that Merlin would keep this from him for so long and watch him suffer in confusion and awful sleepless nights.

"I know. The potion only gave you temporary loss of memory, and the memories were bound to return in some form. As you can see, they chose to revisit you in your dreams. We hoped that by that point, the drugs would no longer be affecting you and everything would be fine. Looks like we were right." Merlin smiled, pleased with his huge cover-up. He only hoped Arthur believed him.

"You went to all that trouble... just to keep me out of danger?" Arthur asked, forgetting about the fact that Merlin had lied to him and touched by his friendly and protective gesture. This was the last question Merlin was expecting, but he just smiled and nodded. "Thank you. It was the gesture of a true friend to want to keep me out of danger," Arthur told him, surprising Merlin by the lack of sarcasm in his tone. "Even though you have been the cause of umpteen sleepless nights," he commented.

"Yeah... sorry about that," he laughed "Once your memory returns fully, you'll be sleeping soundly again." This was a lie, and he knew it. He wouldn't allow Arthur's memory to return fully- ever. Whatever the cost.

"I still can't believe that all this actually happened," said Arthur. Merlin felt his words stab him straight in the heart. He hated lying to him so much, and he knew that if Arthur ever discovered the truth about what had happened he would feel betrayed. He would probably tell Merlin to leave. That was another reason why Merlin couldn't let the spell reverse. He couldn't live without Arthur. God knows that he had tried already and failed miserably. How could Arthur's memories be returning through Merlin's selflessness, when he was being so selfish right now? He was being selfish towards Arthur. It would be safer if he wasn't there. But it would tear Merlin apart, and he would hate himself forever for putting Arthur in this kind of danger.

Arthur, by now, was fully awake and stood up, feeling more energized than ever. "Well, I suppose you could say some good came of our trip today Merlin," he said happily "You shouldn't have kept this from me Merlin," he reminded him "But thank you for telling me the truth in the end. It really means a lot to me." Merlin smiled, tensing up every muscle in his face not to cry in front of Arthur.

"Glad I could help," he said, a hint of tearfulness in his voice, which he tried to mask with a giggle. The sadness seemed to go unnoticed by Arthur as he mounted his horse.

"Let's return home Merlin. It's been a long day."

"Are you sure you're ok to ride? You did hit your head," Merlin reminded him.

"I'll be fine. We've been out for nearly the whole day, my Father will send a search party for me if we're out any longer. I's surprising he hasn't already." Merlin nodded his head in agreement and mounted his own horse as the rode back to Camelot.

* * *

It didn't take them long to get back to the city, however, the first thing Arthur noticed when he rode through the gates, was that there were no guards guarding the gate like they were supposed to. Instead, they were slumped against the wall, unconscious, sleeping, or worse- dead. Arthur got off his horse and checked to see if the man was alright.

"He's alive," he told Merlin, who had joined the Prince by now.

"He's asleep?" he asked. Arthur nodded. He looked passed the gate and into the courtyard to see many motionless bodies lying all over the courtyard, scattered like dead bodies. It was everyone. The whole kingdom, Mothers, children, nobles, commoners. Some, it seemed, had fallen asleep where they stood, as some were sleeping on the stone steps that led into the castle, and even the gaurs had just fallen asleep on duty.

"What do you think could have caused this?" he asked Merlin. As if he had any idea. He couldn't think of any logical explanation of why everyone was asleep. There was only one possible cause.

"It must be the work of magic," he uttered.

**OK fans, we're nearing the end now, but as I mentioned, this chapter had to be split as I realised once I got to this bit that it was a natural place to just split it and have the climax of the story in a separate chapter.**

**Yes, I know, I'm completely unoriginal by using ep 12 for my climax, but hey, it was a great ep, and the events that happen fit very well with my story.**

**Please note, that there will not be many spoilers in the next chap, as I have changed a few things to fit my story. In case you haven't already guessed, Morgana will not be poisoned or taken by Morgause (as I've already said that she'll be in the sequel).**

**Also, even though I will almost deffinitly write a sequel to this, I posted a poll on my profile anyway, becuase I'm not sure what to call it. I put two titles up, so if you could take the time to help me choose, I would be really grateful.**

**Stay tuned Merlin fans!!!!!**


	20. The Fires Of Irdisholas

**Ok guys, it's happened again! This chapter got so long that I had to split it, so the story gets even longer- lucky you! This chapter is basically what happened in ep 12, but the second half it, which I will be posting as a separate chapter, will be more of my version of what happened. Obviously, I had to set the whole sleeping thing up like it happened in the show for my version to work. Enjoy!**

Chapter 20: The Fires Of Irdisholas

"Where's my Father?" demanded Arthur. Merlin had seldom seen him so worried, as he watched the Prince run to the throne room in search of the King. They pushed through the great double doors, only to discover he wasn't there. It was completely empty. "Where is he?" Arthur shouted.

They ran from the throne room towards Gaius' chambers. They were totally empty, apart from the physician, who sat slumped over his desk, obviously asleep. Merlin ran to him, and shook him in vain to wake him up.

"Merlin, we have to find my Father," Arthur reminded him. He didn't want to leave Gaius, but he knew he had to make sure the King was safe.

The first place they ran to was Morgana's chambers. It could be that the King went up there to check that she was alright. However, the only soul in the room was a sleeping Gwen, whom Arthur swiftly picked up off the floor and lay on Morgana's bed.

Merlin felt a twinge of jealousy as he saw the way Arthur was looking at Gwen. It was obvious that he still had feelings for her, despite her recent marriage. He watched painfully as Arthur brushed a lock of hair from the sleeping girl's face.

Upon hearing a rustling behind them, Merlin and Arthur turned around and edged slowly towards the curtain. It moved again, and Arthur moved closer still. Suddenly, he pulled the curtain back, and they both heard a scream which made them jump out of their skin.

It wasn't until Arthur grabbed hold of the woman to keep her still, did Merlin realise it was Morgana that had been hiding behind the curtain. She struggled in Arthur's grip.

"It's me Morgana, it's me!" he shouted at her, making her calm down slightly. It was obvious that she was totally terrified, but Arthur needed to get to the bottom of this. "What happened?" he asked.

"I didn't know it was you!" she squeaked, still very shaken by the events around her.

"Calm down Morgana," Arthur said soothingly "Just tell me what happened." The tone of his voice seemed to do the trick, and Morgana took a deep breath to begin her story.

"People were complaining, saying they were feeling sick," she explained in a low, shaky voice.

"And then?"

"Everyone started falling asleep. Everywhere I went!"

"Was someone here?" Arthur asked. Morgana simply shook her head. "Why were you hiding?" he asked, suspicion creeping into his voice.

"I told you, I didn't know who you were." Her voice was low now; less frightened, but aroused suspicion in Arthur.

"Where's my Father?" he demanded. Morgana looked down and then back up again at him.

"I don't know," she said.

"Arthur, she's distressed," Merlin reminded him, recognising that his temper was rising.

"She was awake, that means she must have seen something!"

"I didn't see anything," Morgana said in a mere whisper. Arthur was shocked by the intensity in her eyes. She seemed to be telling the truth, but things just didn't add up.

"You saw people getting sick, what did you do?" he demanded. She looked shocked, almost hurt by his question.

"Morgana, I don't understand!" he exclaimed "Why is it that you're the only one awake?" Merlin's own suspicion was aroused at this question. There was no way that Morgana could resist the spell unless something was protecting her. Her lack of an explanation gave Merlin even more cause to doubt her.

Arthur just sighed, realising that he wasn't getting anywhere with this "We don't have time for this," he said "Come on you two, we have to find my Father." Morgana nodded, grateful that her interrogation was over. The three of them left Morgana's room and walked down the corridor, Arthur seemingly faster than the other two. Merlin came a little closer to her and said in a quiet voice, "Don't worry, I won't say anything."

"About what?" she asked.

"About the illness."

"That has nothing to do with me!" she retorted perhaps a little too quickly for Merlin's conscience, however, he didn't say anything.

"No, of course not, but you have magic," he stated.

"You haven't told anyone have you!"

"No, and I won't tell Arthur, but..." he paused "There must be something keeping you safe. I think that must be it," he whispered.

"Right," she agreed, not looking entirely sure herself. They were interrupted by Arthur's voice echoing down the hall. "I found him!" he shouted.

The two of them ran to Uther's chambers to see him sleeping over his desk and Arthur pulling him upright.

"You see, he's fine," said Merlin. Arthur turned to him with an astounded look.

"He is not fine!" he exclaimed, showing Merlin his Father's sleeping face.

"He's just asleep," Merlin reminded him. Arthur let go of his Father, who fell back onto the desk with a loud thud. "All we have to do is find a cure- a way to wake them." Arthur leant on his Father's desks and shook his head.

"Who could have done this?" he asked himself, his eyes looking straight at Morgana. "You're the only one who's not been affected Morgana, there must be a reason."

Morgana's face looked panicked and scared. She obviously didn't know herself, and turned to Merlin for some kind of help, begging with her eyes. He stayed silent.

"I don't know," she answered, her voice shaking terribly.

"That's all you keep saying!" Arthur exclaimed with annoyance "You must know something!" He came over to where she was standing.

"I don't know they just fell asleep one by one!" she cried helplessly. Merlin finally took pity on her and spoke,

"It's obvious," he said "When she started feeling sick, Gaius gave her a potion, right?" he looked at Morgana, hoping she would be smart enough to cooperate. But Arthur wasn't an idiot.

"You said she was sick, you never said that." Ok, now he had to think.

"She was one of the last to be affected;" he answered "Somehow the potion must have helped."

"What about everyone else?" Arthur persisted. Merlin racked his brains for an explanation, trying to maintain his poker face.

"By then Gaius was too ill, he didn't have a chance to treat anyone else," he said, hoping Arthur wouldn't notice the contradiction in his story. Arthur looked at Morgana, who merely smiled in agreement.

"Go and see if you can find this potion," he told Merlin, who rushed off at once. "We have to search for life in the lower town, Morgana; you stay here and look after my Father." He picked up a sword from the table. "Here." He gave it to her "Protect him with your life." She nodded in agreement as he left.

* * *

Merlin had run down to Gaius' chambers, but he had no intention of finding the fake potion. He went straight to his room and got out his spell book, searching for a spell to wake Gaius up. "Ok Gaius," he said as he found the right spell "This is going to wake you." He chanted a spell, which made Gaius sit up immediately, with a huge grin on his face.

"Gaius!" Merlin exclaimed, a massive smile on his own face. He came over and looked at Gaius' completely vacant eyes, and his smile faded. He still wasn't awake. Flicking through his book again, he stopped when he arrived at another possible spell.

"We could try this," he said, and chanted the spell. No sooner had the words left his mouth, did Gaius' chair snap, and he fell straight to the floor. Merlin froze, his mouth wide open, wondering what to do next. "Well maybe not," he said, searching for another remedy.

He huffed and leant over his book in frustration. "Come on Gaius," he complained "I need you to wake up." He turned another page "Ah, here we go," he smiled. This time, Merlin's spell only caused a gush of cold water to fall onto Gaius' face. He tried looking again; however, he was interrupted by Arthur calling his name. He quickly shut the book, his heart skipping a beat in the hope that Arthur hadn't seen anything.

"Come quickly!" was all he said. Merlin got up and ran after the Prince.

Arthur led him to the top of the castle, where they could see eight horses riding towards Camelot, cloaked figured riding them all.

"According to the legend, there were only seven knights of Medhir," Merlin said, noticing that there was an eighth horse leading the knights.

"Then who's the extra rider?"

"I don't know. But we're defenceless." Arthur answered nothing to this, and just stated that they needed to get back to his Father.

Morgana was still guarding Uther when they returned to his chambers, shocked at Arthur's proposal to move him. "It's one of the first places they'll look," he said.

"What's going on!" demanded Morgana.

"We're under attack, there's no time to explain, grab his legs Merlin." He did so with extreme difficulty, as the King's rear end was weighing him down and causing the pair of them a real problem to carry him.

"Don't sweep the floor with him, pick his feet up!" Arthur rebuked him.

"His feet are not the problem!" Merlin said breathlessly.

"Morgana, give him a hand," Arthur told her. She came over and picked up Uther's other foot, helping the two boys.

It was a little easier carrying Utherthis way, however, Merlin couldn't help but let out a laugh when Uther's head began to crash into all the apples that were scattered on the floor. He never thought he would see the King like this.

"It is not funny _Mer_lin!" Arthur warned him. He tried to keep in his laughter as they carried him further. "Did you find the potion Morgana took?" Arthur asked. Both Merlin and Morgana looked at each other in panic.

"Uh... no," Merlin said. Arthur growled in anger at this as they managed to drag Utherinto Arthur's room. Merlin and Morgana both let him go, letting him fall to the floor with a thud.

"We can't just leave him here!" Arthur insisted "We have to lift him onto the bed."

"Why, he's not going to know any different," Merlin reminded him. He really didn't think he could lift Uther onto the bed without passing out.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur shouted. Merlin sighed and went to the bed.

"We'll get him a pillow then."

"Merlin, he's the king!" Arthur exclaimed.

"All right! Two pillows!" Merlin answered as he brought the pillows over to Uther and placed them under his head. Arthur rolled his eyes at the sight of his Father lying on the floor like that.

As they both stood up, Merlin felt a bead of sweat drop from his forehead, and he had a feeling is wasn't because of his physical efforts. He looked over at Arthur to see him also a little out of breath. "Are you alright?" Merlin asked.

"You feeling the same?" Merlin nodded and wiped his forehead.

"We're getting sick!" he whispered. They both looked around the room in silent panic, unsure of how long they had till they too would fall asleep.

"We can't let it happen; we must keep my Father hidden."

"Why don't we disguise him?" Merlin suggested.

"That might just work!" Arthur gasped.

"We could dress him up as a woman!" Merlin said enthusiastically, hoping to be able to get his own back on Uther for everything.

"That on the other hand..."

"... We could dress him up as a servant," Merlin said with slightly less enthusiasm.

"That's better!" said Arthur.

"I'll go and get him some clothes," Merlin offered as he shot out the door.

* * *

He had no intention of getting Uther any clothes. He ran as fast as his tired legs would carry him to the dungeons, and down the stone steps to see the dragon.

Merlin froze when he saw the dragon curled up in a ball in front of him, snoring. "Please not you as well," he begged in panic. If the dragon was hit by the spell too, then they were surely doomed.

"I need your help!" he yelled, hoping this would wake him. He eyed the dragon suspiciously, realising that he wasn't really asleep. "Don't pretend," he said "I know you're listening to me." The dragon yawned and stretched its mighty wings as it sat up.

"I don't need to listen to you Merlin, you always say the same thing- 'help me, help me'" he mimicked the young boy half heartedly. "And yet you refuse to give anything in return. Now you will face the consequence of that decision. Camelot's end is nigh, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I know I promised to free you, and I will!" Merlin shouted desperately, hoping it would be enough to convince him. The dragon's laugh made Merlin panic even more. "I will, I promise!" he yelled helplessly.

"I no longer trust your promises," the dragon replied bitterly. Merlin could feel tears forming behind his eyes.

"I swear on my Mother's life!" he shouted.

"Careful what you say!" the dragon said, creeping forward with every word. Merlin wondered whether this was truly a good idea. But nothing less would convince him, and Camelot would die. Arthur would die.

"You have to help me," he begged.

"This is an oath I believe you will honour," said the dragon.

"I will," Merlin agree, relieved.

"It is one thing to cast a spell that puts everyone to sleep- the power to maintain it, is a very different matter. It will take more than just words to break this enchantment."

"What do you mean?"

"You must eradicate the source."

"Great, what is that?" Merlin asked, glad that he was finally getting somewhere.

"Not what, but 'who'" he told him "Such spells need a vessel to give them strength. The source of this pestilence..." he paused before saying, "Is the witch, the Lady Morgana." Of all the things that the dragon could have told him, nothing could have prepared him for that. Nothing. He had always suspected Morgana to be unpredictable from the moment he found her capable of assassinating the King. But he couldn't believe that hi friend would result to something this evil. She wouldn't.

"It can't be," he whispered.

"I have warned you about her in the past, but you have refused to take heed. She is dangerous," the dragon emphasised. Merlin could anticipate what was coming. What he had to do. This made his eyes well up and his chest become heavy with guilt. "And now she has chosen to turn her back on her own, by joining forces with the witch Morgause," the dragon continued.

"Morgause?" Merlin asked, not expecting this "What does she have to do with the spell?"

"Morgana is the source Merlin; however, it was Morgause who cast this curse on Camelot."

"The, I should stop Morgause, not Morgana!" Merlin said, an invisible weight being removed from him as he realised he didn't have to hurt Morgana.

"No Merlin," the dragon told him "Morgause cannot undo the enchantment. Morgana is the source, and she must be annihilated." Merlin sighed again, cursing the dragon for giving him false hope.

"How do I stop her?" Merlin asked, his voice merely a whisper.

"That is easy, young warlock. You must kill her," the dragon said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. He recognised that tone. It was the same one he had used when he told Merlin that he must stop loving Arthur in order to save him.

"No!" he whispered. He didn't know if he was pleading with the dragon or not. Pleading with him to change reality.

"The spell is woven with such force that even you are not immune." Merlin was barely listening by now, the mighty voice of the dragon a mere hum that he could hear through his own cloud of grief. "If you do not stop her, the Camelot will fall and Arthur will die, and the future you are destined to share will die with you." Merlin nodded slowly, not daring to look up. He knew what he had to do. He couldn't let Arthur die, but he would not become a murderer. Gwen had once told him that that would make him just as bad, and those words had stuck with him.

If Morgause was controlling the magic, then he must confront Morgause, not Morgana. It was the only the way that he could rid his mind of guilt, and with this in his mind, he left the dragon, running back up to Arthur.

**So as I said, this is another split- sorry! And sorry if you found this a little boring because you've already seen the episode, but there were no two ways around it. The next part will be the resolution of the whole operation and I hope you think it's a good one (I think it's kinda lame, but maybe it's just self-criticism. I'll let you be the judges)**

**Till next time fans and PLEEEEASE R&R, even thought you've seent his ep (puppy dog eyes)**


	21. Our Last Goodbye

**Ok, fans, this is the final push now. Just one more chapter to go after this, so let's try and get as many reviews as possible (pleeeeease) This chapter was really hard for me, so please forgive the terrible climax!**

Chapter 21: Our Last Goodbye

"What took you so long?" complained Arthur as he dragged Merlin from the hallway.

"I didn't know Uther's size," he said, hoping he could get away with it by joking around. They peeked their heads round the corner of the pillar and saw the knights walking towards them lead by Morgause.

Merlin could feel Arthur's anger building up inside him, and grabbed hold of the Prince to prevent him from charging at the witch and killing her. Arthur gave a loud sigh and ran to find somewhere safe to hide his Father, while Merlin ran back to Arthur's chambers.

He opened the door and found Morgana sitting at Arthur's table, looking petrified.

"He was worried about you," she said. The sound of her voice made Merlin's blood boil. He had never been one to get angry, and had rarely lost his temper. But just looking at the witch before him stirred up and new level of hatred that he never knew could exist inside him.

"They're here!" was all he said as he moved down to where Uther was lying.

"Where's Arthur?" she asked.

"Gone to find somewhere safe to move him," he told her.

"Thank you for not saying anything to him."

"That's alright," he said with a forced calmness. He didn't even turn around to look at her.

"You're a good friend," she said after a pause. This did make him turn around and look her dead in the eye. He felt like his eyes were burning at the sight of her sitting there looking so defenceless, when he knew what an act it was. They were interrupted by the loud sound of Arthur entering the room.

"We have to move my Father before Morgause gets here!" he said, picking up Uther's feet.

"Morgause!" Morgana gasped; genuinely shocked that she was here. Merlin looked round to witness the fear in Morgana's face, but was interrupted by Arthur telling him to hurry up. Merlin and Morgana both took a leg and lifted it up, carrying Uther out of the room.

"You're not surprised?" Merlin asked Morgana doubtfully.

"No, I am," she told him, trying her best to make her tone believable.

They moved Uther to the ante chamber next to Arthur's room and left him lying on the floor. The two boys sat down heavily, panting, as the effects of the spell started taking a serious toll on them. Merlin looked at Morgana, who was standing by the window. She knew. He was sure of it. He has to use all of the self control that was in him not to finish her off himself. He had never felt this way, except once, when Nimueh had betrayed him. When Arthur had been in danger of dying. Now it was happening again, only Morgana was the cause behind it. Whoever had any intention of harming Arthur was Merlin's enemy automatically, no matter who they were, and Morgana had become one of them.

"It must be the potion Gaius gave her," Arthur said, panting.

"Yes, it must be the potion," Merlin merely agreed. Arthur three his head back to lean on the side of the bed.

"We can't keep this up much longer."

"I know," Merlin said "But we're in the servants' quarters, if we just leave him here, they'll think he's a servant."

"Not if Morgause sees him," Arthur reminded him. "We need to get him out of Camelot." Their only hope was to get as far away from the spell as possible. They couldn't fight.

"There was a cart in the main square when we arrived, do you remember?" Merlin asked. Arthur sat up.

"You are full of good ideas today Merlin!" he praised him. He couldn't help but suddenly feel warm inside when he saw Merlin's beaming smile as he looked up at him. "You go and look," he told him as he got up. Merlin's smile suddenly faded.

He got up and ran outside into the corridor to look for the cart, but as he turned a corner, he ducked under a huge steel sword that was being swung at him. It was one of the knights of Medhir.

_Astris!_ Merlin shouted, causing the knight to fly backwards into the stone wall be knocked unconscious. Merlin sighed with relief and ran back to the ante chamber.

"They're closing in!" he shouted "We'll never make it to the cart, not carrying Uther." He then gave Arthur a puzzled look as he saw Uther lying in a huge white sheet.

"That's why we made this!" Arthur said "We're going to pull him!"

But before they had a chance to do anything, they heard a noise from outside, and Arthur told everyone to hide and not make a sound. He hid behind a wooden screen, his sword in his hands. The door opened slowly and one of the knights crept in, a hoarse, rumbling sound coming from his mouth.

Arthur could feel his heart thumping in his chest as the knight came nearer to the screen, and when he had the chance, he lunged forward and smacked the knight straight in the chest with his sword.

"Protect the King, get him out f here!" Arthur bellowed, giving the other two chance to run out of the room, dragging Uther and the sheet with them.

"They only made it half way down the hall when they saw another knight approaching them from the other end. Morgana gasped as she tried to pull harder, tripping and falling over in the process. She curled up against the wall, trying in vain to protect herself from the approaching knight.

Merlin could hear her pleas and cries for help like a painful drum in his brain. He tried to remember the words the dragon had told him. _If you do not, Arthur will die..._the thought of Arthur dying was what made him ignore Morgana's cried and continue to pull Uther down the hall.

He watched painfully as the knight held his sword up, waiting for the inevitable to happen. But it never did. The knight swung his sword down, stopping just before he landed Morgana with a fatal blow, and walked on. Merlin's mouth fell like a stone at this sight. His shock was short lived, however, as the knight had moved away from a terrified Morgana, and began to pursue Merlin, who began once again to pull Uther to safety.

As he approached the door, Arthur ran up to them, pulling Morgana off the floor and shooing them all into the council chambers.

"Get the lock," he told Merlin, as they lifted the huge plank of wood and locked the doors. The two of them leant all their weight against the strong door, as they felt their tired bodies failing them by the second.

"Morgana, we need the remedy that Gaius gave you!" panted Arthur.

"I don't have it!" she panicked.

"I know that, but... you... must remember... what it looked like... what was in it..." He paused as Morgana tried to rack her brains for an explanation. "Come on Morgana, we can't hold on much longer- think!"

"I..."

"It doesn't matter, we can't get it now anyway, we're trapped," said Merlin.

"There must be something we can do!" Arthur shouted as he walked off to the other end of the room.

"W... why didn't that knight kill you?" Merlin whispered, his voice dripping with anger and distain. Morgana looked seriously panicked by now as she answered him.

"How do I know?" she asked "Because I'm a woman?" Merlin gave a sarcastic huff and smirked to himself.

"Yeah... maybe," was all he said. Arthur by now had come back to them.

"Unless we cure ourselves of this sickness, I don't see how we're going to hold out any longer."

"We've got to find a way to destroy the source of the magic," said Merlin, his voice becoming increasingly weaker by the minute.

"Which is?" asked Arthur. Merlin looked towards Morgana, hate burning up behind his eyes. He had never felt so betrayed in his life. He could still barely believe that Morgana would betray her friends like this. Betray Camelot. He had always known that she was suspicious and he had never trusted her fully ever since she nearly assassinated Uther, but this was a whole new sort of evil. She was going to kill innocent people.

"I don't know," he lied, turning away, not being able to look the witch in the eye. "Our only chance is to get out of Camelot," he told Arthur. "I have an idea. We'll cut the blanket up, we'll tie it to Uther and then we'll lower him onto the cart. Can you do that with Arthur, Morgana?" he asked her. She merely nodded, her eyes looked so terrified.

The two men stumbled over to the huge wooden doors, leaning their exhausted and aching bodies against the hard wood. "I'll..." started Merlin "I'll go and get the cart from the square... you lower him onto it."

"You're not... going out there Merlin," protested Arthur, though the argument wasn't a strong one, as he could barely keep his words coherent. He was now panting heavily, trying to keep his eyes open. He had thought that he had lost his best friend forever when he left for Ealdor, and he wouldn't just stand back and watch as he walked out the door towards his death "I'm coming with you," he managed.

"No... Arthur, you have to stay with your father... I'll... I'll manage," said Merlin. He hoped Arthur would buy it. If he went out there, he wouldn't stand a chance against the knights. At least Merlin had his magic to protect him. But who knew if it would work against so many of them?

"You won't reach the cart alone, it's suicide," panted Arthur.

"I have no choice," said Merlin, his breath becoming equally irregular. "Think of your Father Arthur, I won't be able to support his weight, I'm not strong enough." Arthur seemed to be too tired to put a fight against his manservant, but God knows he would physically restrain him if he could. Merlin sighed, gratefully. "How are you feeling?" he asked. Arthur exhaled loudly.

"Not bad," he groaned.

"You sure?"

"Yeeeah, you?" he asked, sarcastically.

"Never better." Arthur by now had his eyes shut and was obviously slipping away.

"Couldn't get me a pillow, could you?" he mumbled.

"Don't mess around," Merlin rebuked him. He tried his best to control his breathing, but panicked when he looked round to see Arthur falling asleep on the door. "Arthur," he said "Arthur? Arthur, you need to stay awake." He somehow mustered enough strength in him to raise his hand and slap Arthur straight across the face. He jolted and stood up, shouting Merlin's name angrily in the process. "That's better!" said Merlin.

Arthur pointed a finger, warningly at him, "If you ever do that again," he warned, and tried to hit Merlin around the head, however, his actions resembled that of a drunken man trying to ride a horse. Merlin sluggishly moved Arthur's slow hand away from his head and said, "Well don't fall asleep then!" his voice also resembled that of a drunken man.

Arthur opened the bottle of water he had in his hand and poured its contents onto his sleepy face. It seemed to do the trick for the time being, as he shook himself a little and stood up again. The two men were interrupted by growling sounds from behind the door, and they both began to back away from the door, shaking with fear. Merlin didn't know if it was the fear, or the sleepiness that made want to faint. He thought about what he was about to do. It was likely that he would die today- he would die for Arthur. It was the way he would have preferred to go if he had the choice anyway. Dying in the place of someone he loved would be the greatest deed he could ever think of. He knew that if he lived through this, Arthur would finally remember the kiss. He was only one selfless deed away from reversing the memory charm completely.

But he had to do this. He had to saveCamelot. "They're your knees again," said Arthur. He drew his heavy sword out and handed it to Merlin's shaky hand. "You'll need this," he said "Good luck." Merlin was shocked at the guilt and regret in his eyes. His eyes said to him and he truly wanted Merlin to come out of this alive. Mein felt tears form in his sleepy eyes as he sighed. They both made their way to the door and took out the lock with great difficulty and threw it on the floor with a sigh.

Merlin smiled, finally realising that Arthur would find out that they had ever been in love. With this final selfless act, Merlin would be able to look him in the eye one last time, knowing that he knew and that he loved him just as much. As soon as that thought was imbeddedinto his mind, death didn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. He welcomed it like an old friend, because it was the prospect of death that would remove the spell.

"Arthur..." Merlin started "Before I go, I need to show... you something." Arthur's face was too sleepy to show any signs of what he was feeling "You're going to remember anyway. So before I die... I want to do it myself."

And with that, Merlin threw his lips onto Arthur's for the second time. It was even better than he had remembered it to be when he kissed him all that time ago. He felt Arthur's sleepy body try and kiss him back, his beautiful smooth lips welcoming Merlin's whole heartedly. When they broke apart, Arthur looked at Merlin with such awe and love that Merlin felt like his insides would melt there and then. He smiled at his Prince.

Arthur felt that all too familiar dizziness that he always got when he was having a flashback. But this one wasn't painful or uncomfortabke like all the others. The image of Merlin standing in front of him vanished and he felt like he was underwater, watching himself kiss his servant. It felt so real. He could feel Merlin's soft lips on his, and the wetness of his tears as he cried into the short kiss. He was suddenly brought back to earth, feeling tears in his own eyes. He looked at Merlin with a sense of complete awe

"I remember," he whispered, a cry in his quiet voice. Merlin's smile grew as he picked up his sword and leant against the door, his legs trembling. Arthur put his tired and weak hand on Merlin's shoulder- a gesture that mean so much. He was saying goodbye. But it didn't matter that he was about to die. Arthur knew.

"You'll need this," Arthur said, giving Merlin his heavy sword. "Good luck." Merlin was so shocked to see real tears forming in the Prince's eyes as he handed him the weapon.

"If you ever need a servant in the next life...don't ask me!" Arthur laughed out loud, and so did Merlin, despite their drowsiness. "I love you Arthur." With that, Merlin let a tear fall from his eye and ran out the door, ready to die.

* * *

He was so tired, he could barely stand. He could feel everything failing him- his eyes, his legs. He wasn't even sure if his magic would work that blasted four of the knights out the way with little difficulty, and somehow reached the castle doors without falling over his own feet.

As he walked towards the cart, he noticed Morgause standing in the courtyard, a black cape round her shoulders.

"Get out the way!" Merlin whispered. This just made the witch laugh.

"You silly little boy!" she said "Did you honestly think that any of you could defeat me? ME!" Merlin felt the magic build up in him as his anger boiled hot in his veins. He had never felt magic this powerful before.

_ðÞsoúfan! _Merlin shouted, and despite his weakness, he seemed to have caught Morgause off guard with his magic, and had knocked her back off her feet.

He sighed in exhaustion, not sure how much longer he could stay on his feet_ áwacan_he whispered, receiving a cold gush of water in the face to try and keep him awake.

Morgause had obviously not expected Merlin's magic, but she laughed when she got up off the floor.

"Do you honestly think that the little magic you posses will save you? Or stop me?" she asked as she laughed out loud.

_Blæst hine eac bfgengcas _Morgause uttered. Merlin watched in terror as a ball of fire flew nearer and nearer to him. With all the concentration that was left in him, he chanted the words_ámundian _which caused a protective layer to appear around his body as the fire attempted to penetrate his magic. He could feel Morgause trying to penetrate his layer as she intensified her spell. After a few seconds, both of them fell to the floor in exhaustion, their energy all but gone, particularly Merlin, who was minutes away from falling asleep.

"Merlin!" he heard a high pitched voice scream from behind him. He turned around, his eyes half open, to see Morgana running down the castle steps. "It's Arthur!" she shouted as she ran towards Merlin who was still lying on the floor. However, at the mention of Arthur's name, he sat up as quickly as his body let him.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked.

"He's fallen asleep! What do we do!" she cried, obviously petrified as anything, clinging onto Merlin's tunic, tears pouring down her face.

"Morgause!" she gasped as she took sight of the witch before her "What are you doing here?" Instead of answering, Morgause took advantage of Merlin's preoccupation and sent another ball of fire towards him.

"NO!" Shrieked Morgana as she pushed Merlin as hard as she could out of the way of the fire, being hit square in the chest by it instead.

Merlin struggled to stand up from having been pushed by Morgana, to see her lying on the floor with her eyes closed. Morgause immediately ran up to her sister and clasped her arms around her tightly. Merlin felt his energy return slowly as he managed to stand up, his eyes losing their fatigue, and his legs regaining their strength.

"You killed her," he uttered as he looked at Morgause cradling Morgana in her arms.

"You did this!" Morgause retorted "You killed her!" she spat at him "And now you shall die!" Just as she raised her hand to cast a spell on Merlin, she heard Morgana moan and stir slightly, causing Morgausecompletely forget about Merlin as she shook Morgana lightly.

She watched as her sister's eyes fluttered open and she looked at the witch with such immense hatred that it startled her.

"What did you do?" she choked, still weak from the near fatal blow. Morgause hugged her tightly instead of answering.

"You nearly killed my friend," she whispered "Why would you do that." She tried her best to release Morgause's grasp on her body, but she grabbed her more tightly and looked her dead in the eye.

"These people are our enemies Morgana," she tried to drum into her "They would see us fail!"

"No!" she gritted her teeth in anger "You're killing innocent people! You promised me that this was just to do with Uther! You nearly killed Merlin!" She had by now freed herself from Morgause's embrace and stood up, a little shaky on her legs.

Merlin stood by and listened. He had no idea by now which side Morgana was truly on.

"Morgana, listen to me..."

"No!" she shouted "How could you trick me like this! I thought you cared about me!"

"How can you even think that I don't?" Morgause seemed to be genuinely hurt by Morgana's retort. Merlin had no idea what he should do. It seemed like Morgana was on his side- like she wanted to stop Morgause. But then why would she have agreed anything with her in the first place? Without thinking, Merlin grabbed the sword that was lying next to him and grabbed Morgana to him so that he was holding her from behind, the sword held firmly against her small neck. He knew that this was totally wrong, but he had to do something. "I'm sorry," he whispered into Morgana's ear, loud enough for only her to hear. She was trembling like a leaf in his arms and crying.

"Undo the magic that drives the knights Morgause!" he bellowed at her.

"You are nothing but a simple servant, you do not tell me what to do!"

"If you don't want me to kill her, then you will undo the curse!" He pressed the blade harder against Morgana's skin to make his point clear, feeling Morgana tense up with fear as he did so.

"You wouldn't dare!" she almost laughed, but there was definite doubt present in her tone.

"Do you honestly think I wouldn't kill one person, and she my enemy, to save the hundreds of people in this Kingdom?" he asked her. Morgause didn't see, convinced.

"You will let her go, or I will kill you!"

"Oh, but you'll kill her too," Merlin reminded her "And she'll die with me!" Morgause didn't look like she was buying his act at all and so he lowered his head to Morgana's ear and whispered, "Please play along Morgana." She seemed to relax slightly at those words, realising that he had no real intention of killing her.

"Please Morgause!" he begged, tears falling from her eyes "He said that he'll kill me! Just go, please!" she cried "Why can't you just go!"

"You heard what she said," Merlin said in a hoarse voice.

"How could you betray me like this Morgana?" asked Morgause. Merlin could see tears forming in her own eyes at the prospect of the one person she thought she could rely on, failing her.

Merlin could hear her mutter something under her breath, and suddenly, he felt all of his energy come back at once, and his magic rushed to the surface of his skin and eyes as the curse lifted.

"I will be back, Morgana," Morgause said "And I will not forget this." And with that, she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Merlin gave a huge sigh of relief as he dropped Morgana onto the floor without thinking. She gave a short cry as she fell.

"Why would you do it Morgana?" he asked her "Why would you betray you own people? Your friends?" She looked up at him with tearful eyes, and he felt pity creep into his conscience.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen!" she told him "Morgause said that we would bring about Uther's downfall. He's evil Merlin!" she pleaded "He persecutes our kind!" Merlin's head shot up at the word 'our'. "I saw you," Morgana told him upon seeing his expression "When you were battling Morgause. I wish you would have told me."

"How could I!" Merlin demanded "You turned your back on us Morgana. I couldn't trust you. I still don't know if I can trust you."

"You _can _trust me Merlin. I never wanted to hurt you. I meant what I said before. You're a good friend. All this was about was Uther. Please say you understand," she begged. He looked away from her, not wanting to believe a word of what she was saying.

"Look at me!" she implored him "I just wanted Uther's reign to end. Don't tell me that you don't. Wouldn't you want to live in a peaceful Kingdom Merlin? That's all I wanted. Where innocent people do not suffer like they do now." Merlin tried so hard to block out what she was saying, but he couldn't. He knew that what she was saying was true, and that everyone in the Kingdom was thinking the same thing.

There was so much emotion built up in him that he wasn't sure how to distinguish one feeling from another. But as he looked down at Morgana's crying eyes, he found himself coming down to her level and hugging her so tightly that he was afraid of hurting her. It didn't even matter at that point that he was a servant and she was a Lady. This needed to be done.

"I'm so sorry," he heard Morgana cry into his shoulder. His own tears were pouring all over her green dress. "Please say you'll forgive me."

"I do," he said. He found it hard not to forgive her. He could feel in his heart of hearts that she was sorry and that she wasn't evil. She wasn't Morgause. She was Morgana, and she was back.

"Morgana, I swear, if you _ever _try anything like this again..." he trailed off, not even knowing how to finish the sentence.

"I won't Merlin. I promise. I'm so so so sorry," she chanted. He pulled out of the hug momentarily to look her in the eye.

"But you can't expect me to love Uther. Or even to trust him," she warned him "I will always be his enemy."

"Morgana, I don't expect anything other than that you won't betray us ever again. You made the right decision today. I don't want Uther as my King anymore than you do. But that's the way it has to be." She felt another tear roll down her face.

"But I hate him so much," she cried.

"I know," he said "I was just as tempted as you are right now. It was a long time ago, but a lovely maidservant called Gwen told me something that stuck with me till today."

"What was it?" she asked.

"That for you to kill Uther wouldn't help anything. It would just make you a murderer. It would make you as bad as him." Morgana nodded her head slowly, contemplating this idea very carefully.

"Of course you're right," she whispered "One day Arthur will be King and everything will be different," she said.

"He will be, he..." Merlin's voice trailed off at the mention of the Prince's name "Arthur!" he gasped, realising that he hadn't checked whether he was alright or not.

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him to the council chambers, where he found Arthur sat on the floor, completely exhausted physically, his Father sitting beside him, equally tired. He sighed, as he realised that he couldn't say anything to Arthur in his Father's presence. But it seemed like he didn't need to. The look on Arthur's face and in his eyes said more than he would ever speak out loud.

"Thank you," was all he said as he saw Merlin approach him.

"Yes, thank you Merlin," said Uther. He had only ever been thanked by the King once, and it wasn't something he was used to hearing "My son and I owe you our lives. As soon as all this madness is back to normal, you shall be rewarded." He smiled happily and the thought of Uther actually being grateful to Merlin for something.

"I... should go," he said, noticing his cue to leave. He gave Arthur a slight nod on his way out.

* * *

That evening, Merlin sat in Arthur's chambers alone, waiting for the Prince to return from an audience with his Father. Arthur had given him the rest of the day off, but Merlin needed to talk to him. There was so much that had been left unsaid.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Arthur walked through the door, and he stood up immediately.

"My Lord," he said.

"Merlin," the Prince replied, his voice obviously nervous. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," he said, taking a deep breath. "What happened before... with the... and... well... you know..." he stopped, trying to think of a good way to put this "I'm really very sorry sire, and I promise it won't happen ever again. I just... I thought... I don't know what I was thinking, I was upset. I'm sorry. Please say that you won't put me in the stocks."

"Oh... I, uh...." he tried to say, not sure himself how to talk to Merlin either "I was going to say... I don't mind."

"You... what!" Merlin exclaimed.

"I don't mind. What happened back there, when you... when you kissed me..." he smiled to himself as he said those words "And I remembered everything. I remember everything now. It feels so good. Like I'm not carrying all this weigh anymore."

Merlin smiled, happy that Arthur wasn't going to suffer anymore. But he knew what this meant. This was dangerous, and it was exactly what he had tried to avoid from the very beginning.

"Arthur..." he started "Don't do this," he begged, trying not to cry.

"It's alright to be scared Merlin. Trust me; I never expected to feel like this about anyone. I'm scared. But do you really want to sacrifice your happiness because of that?"

"Arthur, we can't do this, I'm not right for you," he tried to explain.

"Merlin, how can you say that?" Arthur laughed "I've... I've..." he tried to say "Sorry, I'm not very good at this," he admitted "I've loved you for as long as I can remember." Merlin looked up when he said this.

"Really?" he asked, smiling spontaneously.

"Yes."

"When... well... when did you first... you know... fall in love with me?" It was a question that had been puzzling him ever since the dragon told him that Arthur loved him.

"Merlin, I knew there was something special about you from the first day I met you, do you remember?"

"I ended up in jail," he pointed out.

"That aside," he laughed "I fancied you from the word go."

"Fancied?" asked Merlin.

"God knows I tried to talk myself out of it," Arthur sighed "But when you were poisoned..." he trailed off, finding it much harder to talk about than he had imagined "Merlin, I don't know what I would have done if... if I hadn't have come back in time. I never even attempted to imagine a world without you in it. If you want to know the exact moment when I knew... it was when I watched you fall onto the floor, unconscious." He saw Arthur's slightly wet face and realised that he had been crying.

"I had no idea," he owned up "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course you can."

"I only realised how much I really love you when you started going after Vivian." Arthur laughed out loud at this.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Merlin laughed "I was in some serious denial obviously."

"Obviously!" Arthur laughed. Once their laughter subsided, they both sighed.

"What have we got ourselves into Arthur?" he asked the Prince, who shook his head.

"I have no idea."

"You do know that this isn't going to work at all," Merlin told him.

"Why can't it? Why can't we make it work?" he asked.

"Two words Arthur- Uther and heir." Arthur waved his hand and huffed.

"We can deal with my Father easily enough," he said "As for the second... why can't we just enjoy life until we cross that bridge?"

"Because it will destroy us both Arthur." By now, Merlin was crying too. He hadn't ever thought that this conversation would take place, and he couldn't cope with all the emotions running through his head.

"It will destroy me more if I have to give you up Merlin." There was such truth and sincerity in Arthur's voice, that it made Merlin shiver. He knew just how much it hurt to be parted from Arthur, and he knew it would never work.

"We are a pair of fools, Arthur," he shook his head.

"I promise you, everything will be ok." He had come nearer to Merlin by now, and stood inches away from his face. He could feel the Prince's warm breath on his skin, and shed another tear and the thought that this was pure reality. Not one of his dreams, or anything of the kind. Arthur really knew, and he really did love him.

"I hope so," Merlin whispered "I truly hope so."

He yawned unwillingly, as he felt his body let him down. All that had happened in the past few days had left him physically and emotionally spent. He didn't feel that he could stand up a moment longer. Sensing this, Arthur offered him to sleep on the bed before he collapsed. Not in any way to refuse, Merlin simply fell onto the soft mattress.

"Better?" Arthur asked as he sat down on the other end.

"Hmm," was all he heard in return. After a couple of minutes of silence, Merlin heard Arthur laugh loudly.

"What is it?" he asked him.

"This is turning out to be a real bitch of a birthday for you, isn't it Merlin?" Merlin wondered what he was on about for a second, but then it dawned on him. Today was his birthday.

"I totally forgot!" he laughed.

"Merlin, how could you possibly forget your won birthday?" Arthur laughed.

"Well, having to save a whole Kingdom by yourself, when you're about to collapse and fall asleep does take its toll you know!" Arthur laughed at this and lay down on the opposite side of the bed.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"Your bed," Merlin mumbled "Is that why you tried to give me the morning off this morning when you went hunting? Because it was my birthday?" he asked, totally shocked.

"Well done Merlin, one point to you!"

"You _must _have been in a good mood!" he laughed.

"I'm not totally horrible _all _the time. It's too much hard work." Merlin laughed and snuggled into the pillow.

"Try and sleep," he heard Arthur say. He smiled into the soft material that he lay on, and felt himself drift away into the most beautiful sleep.

**Ok, so the actual story is kinda over here. **

**You'll get your lemons in the next chap (I know you've been waiting for them!!). If you wish to not read that chapter for whatever reason, you won't miss any of the plot, but it is the pivotal emotional scene of the story. To be honest, I've made it more fluffy than smutty, because the story has had so much emotion in it all the way through, it's like the emotional explosion of the story, and so it wouldn't sound in keeping if I made it plain smut. I hope you still like it!**

**Please note, that I won't be writing the dragon being set free, because it's not important to my plot line. Obviously, we know that Merlin will srt him free, but just imagine that it takes place shortly after the next chapter.**

**Love you all, and please R&R!!!!!**


	22. Special

**OMG fans, 200 reviews!!!!! I am buzzing !!!!! But we've reached the finishing line, and I am sooo upset :(**

**If there was ever a need for getting as many reviews as possible, this is the time! I've never written anything like this before and I need you to tell me where to improve for next time! (puppy dog eyes)**

Chapter 22: Special

Merlin had slept for over 12 hours now. Not surprising really, bearing in mind what he's gone through in the last few days. But even though he had exhausted himself beyond reason, as Arthur looked down at the sleeping form beside him, he couldn't help but notice that Merlin looked so peaceful.

How could he have not remembered his love for him sooner? What he was feeling was so strong, it defied any other feeling he could think of. The thought being so close to losing all of that- of losing Merlin, was unthinkable. Especially since it was Arthur who nearly married Gwen! Good God, if Lancelot hadn't have turned up when he did, Arthur would have married Gwen and Merlin would have been devastated.

They had had so little time together. But as much as he wanted to wake him, he resisted the urge as he looked at his angelic face form into a smile in his sleep.

Arthur gently used his fingertips to brush a single piece of raven hair from Merlin's pale face, smiling when he watched him squirm subconsciously under his touch. They had lain in the same bed before, but this was different. Back then, Arthur viewed Merlin as his friend, and Merlin was _very _drunk. They had never been this close to each other either. Arthur could almost feel Merlin's breath on his own face, and after so much time apart, this closeness was intoxicating- almost necessary.

After a couple more minutes, Arthur noticed Merlin moving a little in his sleep, until his eyes flickered open slowly. They opened fully to Arthur's beaming smile and his loving gaze as the Prince leaned in to place a kiss on Merlin's nose, making him laugh.

"Welcome back sleeping beauty," said Arthur. Merlin yawned and gave him a crooked, sleepy smile.

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked.

"Long enough," Arthur told him, not being able to keep back his smile at the sight of Merlin's sleepy and distant expression. Merlin wondered whether the events of the other day had all just been a dream. After all, Arthur hadn't said anything. But then why would he be lying so close to him if it hadn't been real?

"But now that you're awake," the Prince told him "My chainmail needs cleaning."

Merlin's betrayed expression made it very hard for Arthur to keep a straight face. When Merlin slowly got up from the bed to fulfil Arthur's errand, the Prince laughed and pulled him back down to the bed.

"You really are a total fool, aren't you Merlin?" he laughed. Merlin sighed.

"The feeling's mutual sire," he muttered.

"You can call me Arthur." He smiled and brought his lips down onto Merlin's for the first time since the battle. Merlin felt his whole body become weak with the intensity of the kiss. It wasn't passionate or hard, but there was so much meaning behind it for both of them, that it caused him to moan into Arthur's mouth. He smiled into the kiss at Merlin's reaction. He knew that they didn't want to dwell on the events of yesterday, or anything that had happened before that, but Arthur felt that this had to be said. He couldn't truly be happy with Merlin until he knew that he only ever loved him.

"You know Merlin..." he told him as the kiss broke "I've never told anyone this in my life except for you... I don't know how to..." he stopped, trying to gather his thoughts.

"What is it?" asked Merlin.

"You must know Merlin... you must know... that what happened with... Vivian, or Gwen, or anyone... none of it was real." Merlin smiled and nodded.

"I know. I never doubted it for a second." Arthur exhaled at his words, as if a weight had just been lifted off him.

"I... I've never loved another," he told him. Merlin felt his eyes well up involuntarily at these simple words. He had played this moment out in his mind a thousand times, but he never expected it to become real, or ever fell so good.

"Say it again," he whispered.

"I love you," he repeated. God, it sounded so much better the second time. The way Arthur said that- with such truthfulness and sincerity, it just made Merlin's heart sore. After all he had been through in the past few weeks- waiting to be able to say that he loved Arthur. Wanting him to say it back with the same amount of emotion and passion. It all seemed worth it now, and it was as if the invisible wound that Merlin had been carrying around with him for so long was heeled in an instant with just the three magical words.

This was an even better kind of magic than he could ever dream of. The dragon was right- there truly was no greater magic on this earth than love. And Merlin knew that even if Arthur never spoke those words again- even if he never told him that he loved him ever again, these words that he had heard here would be imbedded in his memory forever, ringing in his mind like the most harmonious music ever written.

"That's quite convenient sire, seeing as I am in love with you too." This time it was Merlin who pulled Arthur down for a kiss. This one, although tender and loving, was full of passion and longing. Not just a physical longing, but a longing to never be parted or ever be alone again. They were both breathless when they broke apart.

"Arthur?" asked Merlin, his voice barely a whisper.

"Yes?" he said, stroking the boy's black hair.

"I want to ask you for something." He had never been this forward with anyone before. But there was something inside him in this instance, almost instinct, that was telling him what to say and do.

"What do you want?" Arthur asked him. Merlin took a deep breath as he said,

"I want you." Arthur laughed and ruffled Merlin's hair.

"You already have me, you prize idiot!"

"No... I _want_ you," Merlin repeated, trying his best to emphasize his point. It was clear that he had, because Arthur's expression changed. It changed to something that Merlin had never seen in him before. It was love, but that wasn't all that was in his eyes right now. His eyes were clouded with lust, but such devotion and adoration, that it scared Merlin a little, and he wondered if he was ready for Arthur.

But all his doubts were washed away like a wave as soon as Arthur cupped his face and stroked his cheek lovingly. Merlin's soft lips were soon covered by Arthur's again, which finally allowed a single tear to fall from Merlin's eyes. This did not go unnoticed by Arthur and he broke the kiss and looked at Merlin with concern.

"What is it?" he asked "Did I do something to upset you?" Merlin couldn't help but laugh at his misconception.

"On the contrary, I've never felt so happy; I don't know what to do with myself." Arthur sighed.

"Well that's a relief!" He attempted to kiss Merlin again, but his lips were stopped by Merlin's hand.

"Arthur, I..."

"What's wrong?"

"I... I don't know what I'm doing," he told him in a quiet, scared voice. The Prince stroked his cheek again.

"That doesn't matter," he told him soothingly.

"But I won't know who to..."

"Shh. You won't have to Merlin. You let me worry about that, ok? I don't want you to think or worry. Just feel Merlin. Lay back and feel. Can you do that for me?" Merlin looked so confused.

"You mean... but you're the Prince..."

"And I love you, and I want to focus on you Merlin. I want to worship you." Merlin looked up at his Prince in amazement, so unbelievably touched by his concern.

"I... I'm a little scared," he admitted.

"It's ok to be scared Merlin," Arthur told him "But you've just got to trust me. Your first time is bound to be a little scary and frightening, but I promise I'll look after you."

"What? How... what... how did you know...?" Arthur chuckled knowingly.

"Don't you know what they say about those who can come up close to a unicorn, Merlin?" He didn't answer. "Obviously not," said Arthur "It is said in legend that only a maid can tame or come near to a unicorn." Merlin felt his cheeks grow hot and red under Arthur's gaze.

"You know, you really are very adorable when you blush," he said "You look even more innocent than usual."

"Not helping Arthur," she laughed, feeling himself blush even more "That's the first compliment I think you've ever given me." Arthur chuckled softly. Normally he would answer to one of these remarks by telling him to shut up, but not tonight. "So, do you want to talk all night?" he asked his servant.

"Definitely not. I want you to love me," he whispered.

"I will love you Merlin. I promise I will love you with every fibre of my being." The promise in Arthur's deep voice made Merlin shiver with anticipation. He had no idea what was in store for him. It was almost like cutting off some of his senses. But he knew that Arthur would always look after him in every way. He had never felt like Arthur's equal. Never. Until tonight. He knew that tonight they would truly become equals.

Arthur ran his strong hands down Merlin's arms. Even though he was fully clothed, he could feel the shivers run through Merlin's slim body as he touched him. It was a beautiful sight to watch Merlin react this way to him.

Merlin's nerves were pouring out from him- they were in his eyes and in his every gesture. Arthur needed to find a way to make Merlin relax, or this would never work. He glanced over to the cabinet next to his bed, where he had left a bottle of saddle oil. He got up and reached for it, causing Merlin to sit up in surprise.

"What do you need saddle oil for?" he asked.

"I'm surprised you even know what this is Merlin. You normally ignore me whenever I ask you to do any chores." This made Merlin laugh sweetly. "Take off your shirt," Arthur told him. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you," he said, upon seeing Merlin's scared expression "This is just to help you relax." This seemed to calm him down, and he took his neck scarf off, throwing it on the floor. His shirt soon followed, exposing his luminous soft skin inch by inch. Arthur tried his best to keep his breathing regular at the sight of Merlin's bare back becoming exposed.

"Lie on your front Merlin," he finally said. Merlin did as he asked and waited silently for what Arthur was about to do. It took Arthur all of his self control not to just rip off his clothes and take Merlin there and then. He looked so tempting.

He dismissed these thoughts from his mind as he opened the saddle oil, the lid making a slight 'pop' as it came off.

Merlin felt the bed moveslightly as Arthur shifted himself so he was above his manservant, coating his whole hands with the oil. He leant down and kissed the back of Merlin's neck, making him moan in surprise. "Relax," he purred into his ear "This will help."

He poured some more oil onto his hands and dripped it slowly onto Merlin's back. He heard him sigh as the cool liquid spread itself over his smooth skin. Arthur smiled and began his work as he rubbed the oil all over Merlin's back, starting from the bottom and moving his hands further up until he reached his shoulders. He lightly squeezed Merlin's small shoulders as he spread the oil over the skin up there.

The sounds that were coming out of Merlin's mouth were simply heavenly. He smiled at the thought of the sort of sounds he would make later, if he was reacting this way to a simple massage.

Merlin let his eyes flutter closed as Arthur's hands drifted lower and lower down his back, pressing into his tired muscles and soothing any nerves that he might have had.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" he groaned.

"It may surprise you Merlin, but my skills to extend beyond the ability to dress myself."

"And there was me thinking you were a _complete _prat," he mumbled into the pillow. Arthur smiled at Merlin's remark. He secretly loved how he always spoke back to him. God knows he wouldn't let any other servant talk to him like that. But Merlin was so much more than a servant right now.

He pressed harder against his muscles now, making Merlin sigh. "Don't you fall asleep on me now," teased Arthur.

"Wasn't planning to," he mumbled "Kiss me." Arthur leant over Merlin's neck again and kissed the back of it tenderly. Merlin sighed "Not there," he said. Arthur smirked.

"No?" he teased "Where do you want me to kiss you Merlin?" he flipped him over so that he was now looking up at him. Arthur ran a single ringer lightly across Merlin's full lips and watched his eyes flutter shut. "Is this where you want me to kiss you Merlin?" he asked in a husky low voice.

"Yes," Merlin sighed. Arthur was barely touching him, and he could feel Merlin's heart thumping like it would jump right out of his chest. Arthur kindly responded to his silent plea and pressed his lips down onto Merlin's, his mouth much more forceful than before. He moulded his lips around Merlin's searching for an opening to his mouth. Once he found it, he pressed his tongue into the boy's eager mouth. He licked across the roof of Merlin's mouth, causing him to groan into the kiss and put his hand to the back of Arthur's neck, pushing him in deeper.

Arthur continued his sweet assault on Merlin's mouth, devouring every breath, every smell, every touch. He broke the kiss momentarily to remove his own shirt, tossing it aside onto the floor. Merlin followed the Prince's example and removed his trousers; however, his hands were shaking so much that Arthur moved them away and undid the ties himself. "Thanks," laughed Merlin.

"You're shaking like a leaf. Are you cold?"

"No- just nervous I guess," said Merlin.

"Just lie back Merlin. I promise I'll look after you." Somehow the tone in Arthur's voice acted like a drug on Merlin, and he found himself melting into the pillows behind him.

Arthur moved up the bed to make eye contact with Merlin's blue eyes. He had never taken the time to notice how beautiful his eyes were. How beautiful he was. Merlin was obviously thinking the same, because he said,

"You're beautiful Arthur."

"What?" he laughed "I can't be beautiful Merlin. I'm a man!"

"Inside," he said.

"Excuse me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Inside," Merlin repeated himself.

"Hang on a minute Merlin, we've only just..." Merlin laughed at Arthur's misinterpretation.

"I meant you're beautiful _inside_," he laughed. Arthur laughed with him when he realised his mistake.

"You're beautiful too you know."

"No I'm not," he said sadly, pointing to his ears "Ears," he said plainly.

"I love you ears Merlin," Arthur told him.

"Really?"

"Of course. Would you like me to show you?" he smirked as Merlin nodded hesitantly. Arthur kissed his way from Merlin's cheek all the way to his ear, which he began to kiss. He heard Merlin sight at this, and took is as a sign of encouragement. He began to lick up and down the side of Merlin's ear and moved across to the other one, giving it the same treatment.

After a while, Arthur moved over to Merlin's face, cupping it gently in his hands and kissing his forehead, then one of his eyelids. Merlin sighed sweetly "This can't be real," he said, making Arthur smile. He kissed the other eyelid just as softly, but tasting something wet and salty, he pulled back. Merlin was crying.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm just so happy. I never thought I would have you. I always thought I would be alone."

"Shh," Arthur soothed him "You'll never be alone now Merlin. That is something I can promise you." He bent down again and kissed Merlin's nose and then each of his cheeks, his chin and finally his waiting mouth.

His kisses trailed down to his neck, where he kisses, sucked and nipped at the soft flesh there, receiving gasps and moans from Merlin. He looked down at the marks he had made and smirked. "Now you really will have a reason to wear those silly scarves Merlin," he teased. Merlin was too lost in Arthur's beautiful touches and caresses to come up with a decent comeback. Arthur could say whatever he wanted as long as he kept doing _that _to him.

Merlin's fingers found Arthur's golden hair, and roamed around in his as Arthur's mouth moved lower down his neck. He stopped at his Adam's apple, licking and sucking it as it moved up and down with each one of Merlin's gulps of pleasure.

He placed tender kisses along his collarbone and his pale shoulders, biting gently once in a while, and smiling when he realised that Merlin seemed to like this.

"Arthur..." he panted, his breath so irregular by now, it sounded as if he would faint. He was so close to begging, even though he didn't even know what he would be begging for. All he knew was that Arthur's gentle and sensual caresses were slowly driving him mad.

It seemed that Arthur had Merlin exactly where he wanted him, and he had no intention of stopping. He wanted Merlin to remember this for the rest of his life, not just as a physical experience, but as an emotional one. He continued his soft kisses down Merlin's silky chest and when he reached his belly button, he ever so gently flicked his tongue inside, making Merlin gasp loudly, nearly jolting upwards. Arthur smiled to himself, realising he had found one of Merlin's sensitive spots. He would have to think of a way to make that work to his advantage some other time. He continued to kiss the soft skin around Merlin's belly and bit on one of his bony hips, making him gasp. He really did like to be bitten!

Merlin felt Arthur's mouth glide lower still, and then he felt him do something which he _never_ expected- he took him fully into his mouth, no warning, no mercy. Merlin's back spontaneously arched up off the bed as he nearly screamed. This made Arthur smile in self satisfaction as he continued his ministrations on Merlin.

"Oh... my... God!" Merlin gasped between moans. By now, he was a mere trembling, panting wreck, and completely at Arthur's mercy. His head was throwing itself around on the pillows, and his fists curled up tightly as Arthur's mouth did unimaginable things to his body. He felt Arthur place his hands firmly on his hips to keep them from jerking upwards.

"Keep still," he rebuked him, but a hint of amusement in his voice that he had this sort of effect on Merlin. The boy whimpered slightly at the loss of contact, but not for long, as Arthur's warm mouth was back on him almost immediately. He felt Arthur hum softly, the vibrations spreading all the way to his fingertips and making him moan uncontrollably. "Arthur!" he cried as his head was brought back down from the clouds violently. He was shivering fiercely at the sudden loss of contact. Arthur simply smiled lovingly at him and rubbed his hands up and down Merlin's arms, helping him to relax and his breathing to return to normal.

"Wouldn't want my Father to hear you like that, now would we?" he whispered in his ear.

"Arthur?" Merlin panted, finally able to speak again.

"Yes?"

"Don't ever mention your Father again when we're both naked and you've just sucked me off." Arthur laughed and kissed him.

"Promise," he purred. The Prince bent over and reached for the saddle oil once more and coated his fingers with it. "I'm already relaxed," Merlin complained.

"This isn't for that, Merlin," he told him. Merlin gave him a confused look. "You didn't think that you'd be able to do this without any preparation, would you?" Arthur kissed Merlin's lips tenderly to try and distract him from the hand that was moving down between his legs and slowly stretching him. Despite his efforts, Merlin hissed and tensed up slightly.

"You've got to relax Merlin. Breathe," He reminded him. Merlin did as he said, and took a few deep breaths, before he began to feel waves of pleasure forming from Arthur's cleaver fingers.

"Mmmm..." he moaned in appreciation.

"Told you it would help," Arthur smiled as he stopped what he was doing and positioned himself above Merlin, his toned, sweaty body pressing down on Merlin.

"Merlin, this will probably hurt a little for a moment," he warned him.

"I don't care," he panted "I need you like this. It was made for you. Don't you see it was always made for you?" This was all the encouragement Arthur needed as he slowly slid inside him.

It certainly hurt a lot more than Merlin anticipated, and he had to dig his nails into Arthur's shoulders to get through it at first. He wished that he could use his magic to get through the first few minutes of pain, but he just gritted his teeth and kissed Arthur to distract himself. Arthur stayed very still, mumbling that he was sorry over and over again. Merlin ran his fingers through Arthur's hair and said,

"Just do it Arthur," he it out "It's not going to get any better if you don't move." He hesitantly did as Merlin asked, receiving a short gasp of pain.

"Keep going," he assured him. It didn't hurt as much now, and he was sure it would only get better. The next time Arthur moved, Merlin let out a loud gasp, but for very different reasons.

"Did I hurt you?" Arthur asked, his voice very concerned. Merlin shook his head and sighed.

"Go!" he moaned. Arthur looked puzzled.

"You want me to leave?" he asked, a little hurt by this. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"No! Go! Move, you prat!" he cried as Arthur laughed and began to move again. Merlin's eyed rolled to the back of his head as any ounce of pain he felt was being washed away, and soon, it was like it had never existed.

"Look at me," Arthur groaned as he kissed Merlin's forehead. He did as he asked and trembled when he was met by Arthur's lustful eyes. But the more he looked into them, the more he witnessed the love that was in them, and for a brief moment, he truly felt like they had connected. How, he didn't know, but he definitely felt something.

Merlin's breathing quickened along with Arthur's movements, and soon, he found that he couldn't keep his eyes opened any longer, and let his head fall back onto the pillows, Arthur's following with a moan.

"God, I love you," he managed to say, receiving a moan from Merlin.

"Arthur..." he sighed.

"Just feel Merlin," Arthur groaned "Remember to feel." Merlin dug his nails fiercely into the Prince's back, knowing that there would be marks there the next morning. H found that his cried were becoming increasingly louder and Arthur soon put his hand over his mouth.

"You're a bit of a loud one, aren't you?" he laughed, taking it away from Merlin's mouth. Merlin brought his mouth to Arthur's ear and whispered,

"Come for me Arthur, please. I need to feel you're really there." Arthur moaned loudly at Merlin's words and soon found his release with Merlin's name on his lips. Merlin soon followed, grinding his nails down Arthur's back and panting as he came down from heaven.

* * *

Merlin curled up with Arthur, holding the hand that was wrapped tightly around his body. After what had just happened, he couldn't believe that he had ever been so worried about confessing his love for Arthur. How could something as beautiful as what had just happened have any strings attached?

He felt his eyes begin to close as his exhaustion took over his body. "Thank you," he managed to say in his tired state.

"For what?" Arthur asked in a quiet voice.

"For making me feel special." Arthur smiled and kissed Merlin's hair. Didn't he have any idea how special he was?

"You are special Merlin," he whispered. Merlin smiled as he felt Arthur's warm breath on the back of his neck "You are my life now. And I promise it will be like this always." Merlin smiled and snuggled deeper into his pillow.

"I love you," he mumbled, before falling into a deep sleep.

**THE END**

* * *

**I suppose that was kinda M rated right? If I got it wrong, please say. I couldn't make it too smutty, as a couple of my friends will be reading this story, and I have to be able to look them in the eye tomorrow lol!**

**QUICK NOTE: I've had a couple of people ask me whether Arthur remembered or knows about Merlin's magic... and of course I'll never tell (evil grin). I think the answer should be something that you guys come up with on your own. I'll just keep you guessing till the sequel, as I needed some loose ends that I could tie up in the next story. Sorry for the annoyance lol!**

**Ok, so here comes my big acceptance speech (sorry)**

**Firstly, thank you a million to all those who bothered to read my story and even more to those who reviewed even one chapter. You have no idea how gratifying and touching it is for a first time author to receiveso much positive feedback, especially since I love what I do so much, and am so happy that other people love it just as much as me. I have had so much fun in the past two months writing this story, and you guys just made it even better, so thanks.**

**I'd like to thank a few individuals who helped and motivated me throughout this story:**

**1) FranklyMyDear11, who has reviewed every one of my chapters and is one of my best friends- you're the best!**

**2) My best friend Ashley, who had to put up with me for two months of talking about this story and how many reviews I was getting**

**3) All those who have consitantly reviewed my work and motivated me throughout, namely, LadyFromPoland (jestes super!) FireChildSlytherin5, betrayedsunshine, Catindahat Kittendragon, goodythreeshoes, Weihna and Merthurtillidie. You have all been, along with anyone I missed out, my rock for the past two months!**

**The poled for the sequel are unanemous, and it will be called "May I Love You". I have started a rough plan, but I need to take a short break to really thoroughly plan this story, as now I haveto live up to the success of "Love's First Kiss"**

**So I guess all that's left for me to say is..... stay tuned Merlin fans!!!!!!!!**


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